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Received another letter from WH - last one was at the beginning of July - see earlier thread. Each letter upsets my equilibrium greatly. Content is as usual - but with an interesting twist
I hope that you are well. I am sorry that you have not felt able to respond to my letters or contact me in another way: I had hoped that you would change your view but is seems that you have decided to continue not to have contact with me As you know I have given a good account of myself with Plan B - since erly December 2005 - when he moved out into a cosy love nest - the OW (Head of HR) stays there and at her home with her BS.
Unfortunately though, I have reached a stage where I need to move forward. For me, this means that I would [color:"blue"] [/color] like to discuss the options in realtion to the house. In my most recent letter I indicated that I would be willing to discuss these and I know that it will be difficult.
He goes on to identify options like selling the house or offering to buy my interest.
''I appreciate that this is a very initial stage but without any contact with you I cannot think of another way to broach this difficult subject. I understand also that we have other shared interests and property but it seems to me that our house is the most important asset.
Here comes the different approach.........
''I intend to follow this letter with a phone call to Ryber House on Wednesday 26th July between 19.00 and 20.00. If you are prepared to speak on the telephone we could discuss a way forward and perhaps arrange a meeting.
In the meantime, if you need anything from me, please let me know. I enclose more post which was sent to me in error (he had his post redirected and some of mine goes too as we have similar initials)
Plan B experts - advice please on appropriate action.
Me (BS) 46 - moved in December 2004 to be with WH - no real support network to call on
WH 44 - moved to new job in June 2004 - 200 miles from home
OW 43 - Head of HR in same workplace - but met soulmate so it does not matter about work issues
D Day May 2005 - Plan A (with OWH in Plan A too)until December 2005. Plan B - did OK until lapse at end of Oct 2006. WH and I met in 1983, friends until 1989 when started our relationship - moved in together in 1992, and married in 2001.
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Joined: May 2004
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Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Joined: Sep 2004
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If you are in plan B then there is nothing you can do with out ruining your plan. He is just trying to rattle you and get you two talking. My guess is that he misses you and is trying desperately to connect with you on some level. Continue what you are doing- take a long slow deep breath, you are doing great.
KMEJ
3 beautiful sons,and 1 beautiful daughter!
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me....
I guess it is shame on me.
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Even in Plan B you can't expect to not communicate about "business" stuff, like property selling, etc.
Hence the popular recommendation to square away who does what when before Plan B is started.
But that's water over the dam for you.
Do you have an attorney who can respond for you regarding selling the house? This is, in fact, a financial/property matter, not a relationship matter.
If you don't have an attorney, consider getting one because you'll need one perhaps sooner than you think. In the meantime, respond to him in writing. What that response is depends on your position regarding the house. Who is paying the mortgage, taxes, insurance, etc? Who is living in it? Who's paying for the "other" abode?
JMHO
WAT
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We have a joint account that we both pay into - to cover everything related to the house. We have always had separate accounts for all other things - so I guess he is wanting to stop paying for two houses. He earns much more than me - as we moved away from 'home' as he got a more senior (and well paid job) I followed six months later and took a less well paid job and the affair was well underway. This is my home that he wishes to dispose of - not 'an interest' as he describes it. I live in the UK and I figured that if he wants to 'move forward' he can appoint a solicitor to deal with this. I feel that I do not want to help him in anyway to amicably end our marriage - he will have to do this.
Me (BS) 46 - moved in December 2004 to be with WH - no real support network to call on
WH 44 - moved to new job in June 2004 - 200 miles from home
OW 43 - Head of HR in same workplace - but met soulmate so it does not matter about work issues
D Day May 2005 - Plan A (with OWH in Plan A too)until December 2005. Plan B - did OK until lapse at end of Oct 2006. WH and I met in 1983, friends until 1989 when started our relationship - moved in together in 1992, and married in 2001.
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you DO NOT have to agree to sell your house unless you are court ordered to so so. He can't list your home without your agreement or court order.
do you have an intermediary that can give him the message that you do not agree to this proposal?
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Joined: Aug 2005
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There is someone that I could use - my WH, the OW and I all work for the same employer - a local authority - and despite my best efforts they have managed to hide their affair and senior management who I have told have colluded with them. I could e:mail him too as we are on the same intranet. I have thought of nothing else this evening as to how to respond to him. I was reading a post which talked about how business like wayward spouses are in their dealings with the betrayed spouse - his letters are a classic example of this.
Me (BS) 46 - moved in December 2004 to be with WH - no real support network to call on
WH 44 - moved to new job in June 2004 - 200 miles from home
OW 43 - Head of HR in same workplace - but met soulmate so it does not matter about work issues
D Day May 2005 - Plan A (with OWH in Plan A too)until December 2005. Plan B - did OK until lapse at end of Oct 2006. WH and I met in 1983, friends until 1989 when started our relationship - moved in together in 1992, and married in 2001.
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chivers, I very much agree that you shouldn't respond to his email at all. Put the onus on him to do all the work. If he wants to initiate some type of action, he can contact an attorney. I think to do otherwise just makes it easy for him, at your expense.
The thing I am most concerned about, though, is exposure. Has this affair not been exposed?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Exposure - yes in every which way I can. To WH and OW line managers - not prepared to do anything as its 'private'. The fact that OW is head of human resources seems to not be an issue - and she still advises WH on policy and procedure. I work for the same organisation and all people see to want to acknowledge is that he left me in december, and that potentially WH and OW are work colleagues. Exposed to WH family and freinds - they have not done anything and I have been in contact with OW partner too. Tried to get him to do Plan A at same time as me - he did. When I moved to Plan B after six months of a good Plan A - he remains in Plan A and lets her cake eat and fence sit.
Me (BS) 46 - moved in December 2004 to be with WH - no real support network to call on
WH 44 - moved to new job in June 2004 - 200 miles from home
OW 43 - Head of HR in same workplace - but met soulmate so it does not matter about work issues
D Day May 2005 - Plan A (with OWH in Plan A too)until December 2005. Plan B - did OK until lapse at end of Oct 2006. WH and I met in 1983, friends until 1989 when started our relationship - moved in together in 1992, and married in 2001.
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