SS, a very darn good question. How do I know I have 'achieved' my goals? Hmm, I think if I catch myself being unguarded with someone again...., like how I felt at the beginning with WH, that means I am trusting the person. For example, at the beginning, even when I saw WH (then my boyfriend) talking to an attractive girl or I knew that this girl was interested in him, it really did not bother me nor worry me, because I knew that he was madly in love with me. But later on, he started to have many secrets and I could not feel at ease at all. I was always worried.

Hopefully I will meet people who do what they say they do and I can feel relaxed again around them.

Kim, thanks for your sweet note. I need to continue to remind me (1) no one is perfect; (2) I do offer things that others appreciate; and (3) I am making efforts to improve myself.

When I see a very strong woman or those who happily stayed married for a number of years, I tend to feel "wow, she must be perfect, she must do everything right....", but that's not true, and I have to stop going down that path.

How are you doing these days Kim? Thanks for stopping by.

Milk

Happy New Year everyone!

I had pretty peaceful NYE and new year's day. Got together with my friends for NYE and yesterday DS4 came home at 2PM and we went over to our friend's house. It's nice to spend time with good friends who support and care about you.

Also I've noticed that over the past year, DS4 became stronger and less clingy when it comes to drop-off by his daddy. He now won't cry seeing his daddy leaving. It makes such a big difference. DS4 now seems to have accepted that his daddy does not live with us and WH is someone he spends time with on weekends mainly. He does say every now and then that he wants 'daddy', and I think now he means he wants 'daddy' who stays and comes home to us. It is sad, but what can I do... I have to believe that it was GOOD that WH moved out when DS4 was still small and could adjust to the new environment more easily. He still remembers small things, such as WH's towels, etc., but mostly he does not really remember that WH used to live with us.

Hope everyone had good holidays.
Milk

It's good that DS is adjusting.

How about his mother? How is she doing with meeting WH, and leaving WH?

She seems to be getting better too, but I wondered if she would comment?

Glad you had a good holiday.

We went target shooting on New Years day. Kind of an annual family event. The weather was nice - just a long sleeve shirt was enough. I took GD (nearly three now) for a walk, with one of my twin daughters. We had a really fun time looking at rocks, and letting the wind blow in our faces. I have come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter so much what one does with family but that we get to actually spend the time doing it.

Well, I suppose it's back to work now that the holidays are over. I know work is good for me, but the holiday sure was wonderful this year.

SS

Hi SS,


These questions made me smile. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I think his mom is doing better too - she doesn't cry when WH leaves anymore. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I've realized many of my friends have some sort of problems in their M. I just had lunch with my friend yesterday and she was telling me how she does not have the same feeling for her husband anymore and also feels that her husband does not do things for her anymore either. She actually said "I envy you that now you can go out with other guys", to which I said "you have a good husband who helps you out with the kids and works hard for the family, and it is really good that you can maintain your 'original' family". But ever since she learned about my M problem (so it's been over a year now), she started to show some signs that she is not happy with her M. I have guy friends who tell me all sorts of their 'problems' or 'complaints' about their wives too, which really makes me wonder if there is any 'happily ever after' relationship. There should be, but it seems very difficult to find such wonderful relationship. It takes work, and I think we tend to take things for granted. I did, and I think WH did too. So we only focused on negative things. Gee, those Hollywood movies make M so romantic and easy!

OK, time for me to get back to work...

Milk

I learned from my lawyer that WH erased pics of DS4 from the online dating website, so I went to check. DS4's name is still there! But that's not the only thing.

He basically added another paragraph to the introduction:
"I've been separated for over two years and emotionally I am WAY ready to meet some other people to have fun with".

The way he said hurt me, because it sounds SO casual. At the same time, he left a phone message last night for DS4, claiming that he 'misses' DS4 so much that he almost wants to spend time with him again this weekend, even though he knows this is MY weekend. He then asked if he could keep him Friday evening next week so that he would have three nights in a row, because he 'misses' DS4 so much.

Now am I being so unreasonable, or what, but why am I sensing some type of 'entitlement' here? WH pulled the trigger. He moved out. I asked him to stay. His IC told him that he is not emotionally and mentally healthy enough to date other women, but he is looking for one. I asked him to reconsider for the sake of DS4. He said this is the best for all of us. His IC told him 'WH, if you divorce, you will NOT be able to spend as much time with your son, that's just the part of divorce". WH still proceeded with this.

He now tells people in the cyberspace that he is WAY ready to meet another woman to have FUN with, in the mean time, he wants to have FUN with his son so he simply calls me up to make such request.

He wants the best of both worlds. He cannot take care of DS4 on a daily basis, that's for sure. I've asked before and he said "wow, if I have to take care of DS4 everyday, that will drive me nuts". But he wants to have FUN during the weekends. And he wants to have FUN with someone else too. Where does RESPONSIBILITY kicks in??? It's all about FUN for him..... Oh, and he has told me several times that he will soon QUIT his job (AGAIN!!!) b/c it's not FUN. During the Christmas dinner at my ILs, he's got a gardening set as a grab-bag gift. He joked (IN FRONT OF ALL THE KIDS) "can I use this to grow some pot?", and laughed really hard, as if it's so hilarious. His mom looked upset by this comment and I was too, but his BILs laughed because they probably felt that's the right thing to do. That upset me actually.

Will he ever get tired of just having FUN, without any meaningful relationships with his family, friends, or coworkers? And no responsibility? He won't feel so empty and shallow at times? Guess not, because none of that has happened over the past several years. Guess he was right; we are very different people.......

Milk

Oh Milk......
Milk, Milk, Milk.

Don't try to apply logic to illogical things.
How much sense does it make that he left you?

NONE !

You are looking at what he is doing and trying to make sense of it and find a logical reason for it - and the answer you are coming up with is that "maybe there is something wrong with me? If not, why is he doing this, and why is he saying these things?
Was there something wrong with me?
Could I have done things different"

Your mind is still going through these exercises - even if it's not on purpose.

He is doing and saying these things because he is broken. It's not you - it's not what you did, or said.

You have choices in how you handle his requests for more time with DS.

1. Take a hard line, and stick to the letter of the agreement. Tell him no when he asks for more time, that you'll do what the agreement says, but no more. Sometimes this creates problems for you too - because the WS can be vindictive, and when you need them to take DS for job reasons, or whatever, they repeat your words back - "We'll be following the letter of the agreeement, yada, yada, yada."

2. Help him out, do whatever he asks, and be glad he wants time with DS.

3. Find somewhere in the middle. Realize there will be times when you need his cooperation, so give him yours when it works for both you and DS. If it doesn't work (you already have plans, or you have plans for DS) then tell him no, and why, and that you will work with him at other times.

As far as getting tired of having fun, and avoiding responsibility. You have discovered that happiness comes from being well rounded. Doing what needs to be done, meeting your obligations, and making good use of your spare time with well planned activities that are within your budget - and that includes your emotional budget, as well as how much $$$ it costs.

He hasn't learned these things that you already know. I feel sorry for him in a way. He is looking for happiness in the wrong places. It is kind of like being hungry and going to the jewelry store - and you look, and you look, and maybe you buy some things, but you take them home and you are still hungry, but you don't understand why.

You won't learn anything you don't already know by reading his comments, or listening to him talk. Don't search these things for signs or information, because anything you get will be colored by his basic defects and won't have meaning for YOU.

Remember one other thing. Liars lie.
It's what they do, becasue it's who they are. Everything he says will be slanted so as to make him look the best, and blame his problems on you, or someone else besides himself.

This will be the case for a long time, maybe forever, unless he changes. I don't see signs of change yet. Do you?

You are moving on............ as far as your plans, and your every day activities, but you still wonder about a lot of things. I'm not sure how long it takes for these thoughts that haunt you to leave you alone, but I know in time they will go away.

Tell me some of your happy thoughts. What things (thoughts) give you uplift, and help when bad days come? What do you look forward to? What do you hold in your mind as a reward for going through difficult times?

SS

PS,
I suggest you tell your friends (the ones that have problems with their own marriages) about the books "His needs, her needs," and also "Love busters, habits that destroy romantic love." I can tell you from personal experience that if a person will read them, and put in to practice what they learn, the marriage can become wonderful over time.
Highly recommended.

SS,

Thanks for putting it the way I can clearly see the patterns I tend to follow. I do try to get some type of information or missing 'piece' to the puzzel from WH's words and actions - and end up feeling "I must be so bad or have done something very wrong and I may continue to do this so I will never have happy relationships ever again...".

I truly hope that these vicious cycles will stop for good, soon. I do feel at times that WH is so broken. He does not make any sense. Yet when he tells me these things seriously and at the same time says that our marriage is over and he does not feel any pain for that at all anymore...., I can't help but to feel that I must have mean nothing to him for the past 16 1/2 years (we dated for three years before we got married 13 1/2 years ago).

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts..... I do have them, but it's easy to forget them when I hear these words coming out of someone I thought we will spend the rest of our lives together. I need to remind myself that WH is not the same person anymore..., as his IC said once, "WH is emotionally broken/numb that he does not feel anything, which is allowing him to do anything".

Marriage is not about fun, is it?? I remember once WH said to me... "we can try to date others and if we don't find anyone, then we can get back together"....., also "if I was in my late 40s or 50s, I wouldn't get divorced...." To me, again, he is searching for 'fun' and wants to experience it while he is still young.

He may never feel the same way about real relationships and marriage like me....., so I should live my life REGARDLESS of how WH is acting.......

Oh, to answer your questions...., when I am having bad days, I look forward to hearing my son's voice and hugging him and spending time with him...., just simply reading stories to him gives me a great amount of joy... When I see him running across the room when I go pick him up from the daycare...., I feel very happy.

Have a good weekend,
Milk

We had fun and busy weekend. We went to visit our friends yesterday and on our way back we passed by WH's apartment. DS4 screamed "Mama, that's Papa's house, that's Papa's house!" My heart ached. And then he asked "why we are not stopping by? Why isn't Papa picking me up?"

I hope DS4 will get adjusted more in 2007 and I truly pray that his pains will be removed or minimized.

Milk

......... - and end up feeling "I must be so bad or have done something very wrong and I may continue to do this so I will never have happy relationships ever again...".

It's hard to say EXACTLY what needs to be said in this situation. Yes, you have faults. I don't know them, but I understand human nature, and I know that there must be something. However, his problems were not, and are not caused by your faults.

Maybe faults is not the best word to use - perhaps it would be better to say that all of us are less than perfect, and we still need to improve in some areas. At least, you get the main idea.

It is very difficult to get our own self image correct. It may be impossible. There are so many things that come into play when we judge ourselves - or when others judge us. A line from a poem by Kipling comes to mind here........

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,

It is difficult to trust yourself when others doubt you, but still take their doubts into account. It's hard to know what is real, and what is not sometimes. Especially when the doubts come from someone you trusted so totally, for so long.

I truly hope that these vicious cycles will stop for good, soon. I do feel at times that WH is so broken. He does not make any sense. Yet when he tells me these things seriously and at the same time says that our marriage is over and he does not feel any pain for that at all anymore...., I can't help but to feel that I must have mean nothing to him for the past 16 1/2 years (we dated for three years before we got married 13 1/2 years ago).

This is where you must use logic yourself, instead of emotion.

You know what, I think I'll quote the whole poem for you. I believe it addresses many of your concerns.

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

I believe there are things there you need to hear. It helps put things into perspective.

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts..... I do have them, but it's easy to forget them when I hear these words coming out of someone I thought we will spend the rest of our lives together..............

This says much about what kind of person you are. Loyalty is important to you. You would have overlooked many of his faults, had he been loyal to you and stayed. That can be both good, and bad (as far as being happy in your marriage long term) but it tells a lot about you, and the kind of person you are. (good, not bad)

Marriage is not about fun, is it?? I remember once WH said to me... "we can try to date others and if we don't find anyone, then we can get back together"....., also "if I was in my late 40s or 50s, I wouldn't get divorced...." To me, again, he is searching for 'fun' and wants to experience it while he is still young.

Well (grin) partly is about fun, but that's just a small part.

Balance -

Spiritual
Emotional
Physical
Recreational
Educational
Financial
Social
Family

I read something once about balance, but I can't remember it well. It says we need to take the things that are important to us, and fit them all together in a way that has the proper balance for us. It is a little different for all of us, and it is different at the different stages of our lives. For instance, while we are in college, educational is most important, to the exclusion of many of the others, but only for a short time - because long term is not good for us.

He did not have balance, and he does not have balance. It looks like he leaves "spiritual" out all together, and we know where that got him.

The challenge is for you to find that balance for you and for DS. Show DS just how good it can be when we put things in their proper place.

If you read on MB much, you have seen many, many stories where things were out of balance, and it caused problems.

Of course there is another danger that goes along with this.
There is a danger that you might recognize things that were out of balance in your life BEFORE, and blame yourself all over again.

Please don't do that. It's not like I have authority to correct you, or anything, but please don't let yourself fall into that trap.

OK?

He may never feel the same way about real relationships and marriage like me....., so I should live my life REGARDLESS of how WH is acting.......

Yes, exactly.
If you can.

Can you? (grin)
You know I am teasing, but only half teasing. It's more difficult that one might think at first. But, you already know that.

Oh, to answer your questions...., when I am having bad days, I look forward to hearing my son's voice and hugging him and spending time with him...., just simply reading stories to him gives me a great amount of joy... When I see him running across the room when I go pick him up from the daycare...., I feel very happy.

Balance............
In the things that bring you joy. What man wouldn't want a wife that has joy in her children, and loves to spend time with them.

Answer - a man that is out of balance.

When you begin looking again, look for balance. It might not be easy to see it all at first glance, and may take some months to know, but that's a good thing to look for.

SS

Thank you SS. You always provide calm and clear views on things in life... Is it something you have learned through your own experience, or have you always been mature and insightful?

Milk

Ah Milk, you are kind. My W is here now, and I read what you said to her. She laughed, and said to tell you "It wasn't always this way. He has come a long, long way since we married."

She is right. I was very immature when we started life together. I meant well, but was so "OFF" sometimes.

If you keep trying, you'll get where you want to be.

Time, and patience..... and God's help.

SS

Oh, that gives me sooooo much more hope, you know that??? Because if you have always been this way, the chances are, I will never be mature and calm and fair and insightful, etc......, you know, all of these things I would like to become. But if you say you were missing those qualities earlier in life but have 'obtained' them as you go...., that means I have a chance too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> It's kind of like getting hope from someone who won a lotto as supposed to a daughter of Bill Gates.....

I just received a call from my lawyer - regarding possible dates that will work for us to conduct the 4-way conference.

We have talked about this last year, but I was secretly hoping that WH changes his mind and I will not hear back from my lawyer about this......., not that I truthfully thought that WH would back off, however. It was more like praying for something while you know that you will not 'get' it. But I did enjoy the first week and a half of 'peace' this year without receiving calls regarding our D.....

I know I have to get through this. There are so many who have gone through this and survived. I know I can do this. But I'm scared. I am so scared of this final stage....... I honestly don't understand that this is NOT scaring WH. He does not have to 'love' me for getting scared of this. It's about the finality of it. AND WH really does not do well when he thinks of his future 'being alone'. Yes, he might have 'someone' so that he is NOT afraid of his future anymore....., but honestly, if I was him, even if I had someone, I think I would still be scared. Scared that our original FAMILY is about to die......, that our HISTORY will about to end.....

Remember how he admitted that he was 'scared' when he finally decided to leave us physically in May 2005? He started to cry. Then he also got 'scared' when he got DUI and wanted to come home. He got 'scared' again, in August 2006 when we had the argument and he decided that we will NOT reconcile..... I still have those fears. Regardless of how I feel about him (not as positive as before or dependent as before), I think my legs will be shaking when I have to meet WH with our attorneys to TALK ABOUT THE DEATH OF OUR HISTORY.

I am focusing on myself and DS4. Most of the days I do NOT dwell on the past and I am O.K. I have a lot of fun with DS4 and my friends. BUT whenever I see my lawyer's number on my phone, I literally freeze. Today, I had to tell myself "Milk, you can do this. Take the call. Take the call". Otherwise I could not even answer my phone.

This is ridiculous. Obviously I'm scared because this is another step closer to the final of our marriage. The end of our 16 1/2 years together. How can this NOT scare WH? The only way that is possible is that if he truly believes that I was soooooooooo bad for him. Like those women who were severely beaten up by their spouses...., only those people probably feel HAPPY and RELEAVED, instead of being scared. So if WH is okay with this, that is how he must feel or how he has TRAINED himself to feel that way to justify his actions.

None of these matters, I know. I'm only speculating and it really does not do any good to me. It's just I'm so scared and I feel like I've been left in this dark room with no windows around, and I'm crying and praying for help, yet in the next room I hear WH's laughing......, this HUGE disconnection between us is really killing me. We have spent so many years together, doing a lot of 'first' things in life together, YET we have grown so far apart that WH does not care if I'm trembling in this dark room.....

MIL called me Monday this week to invite me to their 36th anniversary lunch. All of her kids will be there, including WH. Yesterday when WH called for DS4, I asked if he wanted me to bring DS4 with me and he can just leave with DS4 after lunch (it will be WH's weekend), instead of coming all the way to our house first and then go to the restaurant. WH's initial reaction was: "are YOU going to be there???" That really hurt, but I remained calm and said "well, your mom called and invited me. Why, is there any problem?" He said "no, no, that's good, that's good that you are going to be there".

But it was obvious that WH was annoyed that I would be there. Because that means he would NOT be 100% comfortable. OR, who knows, maybe he was planning on bringing a girl with him??? I don't really know, but he did NOT think I would be included in HIS family event. He did not even question that by now, I am an outsider. Finally he can RELAX with his OWN family alone, without me. That thought really kills me…., because my family became WH’s family and his family became my family…. BUT he can decide (or so he thought) that now I’m an outsider, it is perfectly O.K. to kick me out of the circle. Eventually this might happen, because after all, WH is their family member but I am not. MIL told me that I’m her daughter, and I know MIL and FIL love me (and I love them very much), but in the end, blood is thicker than water….

I know this is a strange situation. WH and I are getting divorced, but WH's family continues to include me in their family events..... It's not comfortable for neither of us. BUT I love his parents, and they ARE my family in this country, and I would love to maintain a good relationship with them....., also for the sake of DS4. Still, with our 4-way conference coming up, with a lot more tension between us, how, how, how......, how can I pretend that I'm calm minded in front of WH........, that I am okay.....

Sorry for rumbling........

Milk

I'm feeling better today. I know I have to go through this and now know that NOTHING will change unless we will get D. We need to get it done. We cannot keep dragging it......, it's not healthy.

(((((milkshake)))))

You ARE going to be okay. Maybe even better than ever...Hane in there. It will all work out in time; you have a connection with WH's family in your DS, and WH's parents are DS's grandparents, why wouldn't you continue to have a R with them. Time and life changes may mutate this a bit, but you'll be feeling completely different by then...

Thanks Silent.... I would love to continue to have a good and loving relationship with my ILs. DS4 should also know that their grandparents and aunts/uncles will always love him, no matter what.

Yesterday when WH called, though, he mentioned of a 'family portrait' which I had no idea about. One of his sisters called and told him about it. Well, I'm sure I won't be a part of the portrait..., which makes sense but made me sad. I felt betrayed again. But my parents would not invite WH either for a family picture scene, so it's even, I know...., yet the fact it is WH who filed for D despite his family's wishes....., somehow made me feel betrayed by not being invited to the photo session. Not that I wanted to be in the pic, though...

DS4 and I went to my soon-to-be xILs' family brunch on Sat. It was MIL & FIL's 34th anniversary.

There was no 'family' picture time, and it turned out that one of SILs mentioned the family picture to remind WH where the restaurant was...., because in 1/04, we also got together and had our big 'family' portrait done. After the photo session, we all went to the same restaurant for lunch.

I know it's silly, but that made me feel so much better. DS4 and I had a good time there too. Of course DS4 was very happy to see WH and almost the whole time he was on his daddy's lap. Yet, when we were about to leave (WH was holding DS4), he said "I want mommy" several times, and he wanted to give both WH and me a 'group' hug. He has done this before - to me, he is trying in his own way to put us back together. I felt sad. When WH and DS4 were leaving, DS4 asked his father to roll down te window (and it was FREEZING!), and till he stopped seeing me, he kept saying "I love you mommy!"....., that touched my heart.

Yet when he came back on Monday, he asked me "Mama, why can't I stay with Papa for a whole week?" It seems when he is with his dad, he says he wants to be with me and when he is with me, he says he wants to be with his dad. Obviously he wants us both.....

Still, we both had a very nice, quality time together yesterday (I was off).

Milk

Your attitude, the way you live, the things you are doing.......... It looks like you will be fine over time. I wish it didn't take so long, but it often does.

You are seeing (in DS) what happens when one parent is selfish, and seeks after "happiness" with no regard to duty, or what is right. Education is such an interesting thing. It comes from things we would just as soon not endure, but we learn anyway, even if we don't wish to.

I sometimes tell people at weddings "Welcome to the most comprehensive education you will ever get." Both being married, and raising children teach us volumes.

I wish you could have learned some of these lessons by observation, not experience. I wish the same for your DS.

It is good that you had quality time - I hope you can stay close with inlaws. It really would be good for DS.


It did me good to read this, you really do sound better this last post.

SS

Thanks SS. One of my girlfriends always says to me "Milk, why do you work so hard? It seems you are always rushing home to take care of you son and dog, and you don't have time for yourself. But then you tell me they make you happy. It's not to be selfish, but aren't you being too 'unselfish'?" All other friends think I am way making DS4 and even my dong a priority. Even when I do not have DS4 during the weekend b/c he is with his dad, and when I am out with my friends, I always come home to take care of my dog, b/c I feel bad that he is alone. I know, it sounds silly, but I've always been this way. My friends always suggest that I stay over at their places after certain hours, but I tell them "thanks, but my boy is waiting for me". So that's what my GF was talking about.

But my two boys DO give me so much pleasure; I don't feel like I am sacrificing myself. When I am with DS4, I don't even think about sadness mostly now. So it's not like I'm being an angel here - I am also 'getting' something from DS4.

Whoever I will end up being with in the future, though, will need to understand this. Last year I met someone and he got very excited about me and was pursuing me pretty aggressively. We met once for lunch but I did not feel that he was the right guy for me. He knows how much I love DS4 and how much attention I give to him - and he said "I have to compete with your son for your attention!” That's a big no-no. I would love to meet someone who would equally love and give attention to DS4, instead of 'competing' with him for my attention.

Within the next couple of weeks, our 4-way conference is supposed to take place. I get nervous when I think about it, so I've been trying to push the thoughts out and focus on other things. The good thing is that my parents are coming soon to stay for about 2 weeks with us, so hopefully the meeting will take place BEFORE that even if I am depressed, I will be surrounded by my family.

Milk

I've been waking up middle of the night lately - for the past couple of weeks or so. It's not like I am very stressed out or thinking about my life, etc., but the fact this has been happening again (when I was very depressed after WH moved out, I had the same problem), I may be depressed again. Two of my friends recently asked "Milk, you sound a little down - are you okay?" I felt fine so I told them I'm okay, but maybe inside I am depressed again?

Even though it is not like I'm thinking about our upcoming 4-way conference constantly, when I wake up, I start to think about my career, DS4's behaviors and future, and naturally WH and/or our M. None helps, of course, me to fall back asleep. I also lately have had some pretty bad nightmares. What's going on??? I do have appetite, I do get together with my friends a lot, I go out, I truly enjoy my time with DS4, etc. But do you think I could be depressed again? Or I wonder I'm just coming down with some cold or something......

Milk