Thank you to everyone who kindly offered advice, I just now came back online and saw the further words of wisdom that were left.
Mortarman, that post you found indeed clarifies and states things so well, that I think I will give a speech to that effect to him. Not a letter, where's it too easy for him to skip over unpleasant words or distort the meaning, but face to face and calmly.
Dru, to clarify at your request, it was a year-long relationship before we married but much of that was spent apart due to distance so it was easy for him to have a whole secret life.
As the MC phrased it last week, "You feel you've been snookered, don't you?"
The term made me laugh (hadn't heard it in AGES!) but it really does sum up how I feel. Like I married a total stranger. Who is this man? I even found out he went on international cable T.V. and was part of a segment on dating/relationships after we met. Half of you have probably seen it and don't even know it, I haven't and don't care to - bad enough to know thousands of strangers around the world were probably highly entertained by the whole thing and that everyone on a certain Yahoo forum was "in on it" except me, his fiancee.
Ironically, he is a Dr. Laura fan and devotee, I believe she only gives a very few "passes" for divorce but infidelity is one of them. However I am sure he'll argue that pre-marital infidelity does not count in her eyes. I'm not sure of her stance, but anyway I can't stand her and don't want to listen to her show because next thing I'll probably hear him calling in to bask in another moment in the spotlight. (Me, bitter? Nawww... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />)
It's not as if I didn't try to take precautions, there are now plenty of sites that offer to investigate prospective partners but I ran into a roadblock because they were all limited to the U.S. and he didn't live here at the time. I realize now I should have found and hired a P.I. in his native country no matter how much it might have cost. Water under the bridge but maybe some belated words of wisdom to others out there. Hindsight blah-blah and all that.
~ Silverwraith
