Hi everyone:

To make a long story short I am ready to sign the divorce papers and on Thursday my STBX contacted another attorney I think because he was unhappy with the settlement and wanted to see if someonelse could get him a better deal. I do not know what the attorney said.

But, Friday he comes to my door with flowers claiming to be a changed man and he wants me and his family back. I was a little taken back since he was so set on the divorce.

Again, on Monday he came back with flowers and a card and he is so upset and he loves me, etc. I just told him that I did not know what to believe that I felt like the second choice and I did not believe him, etc. He has been having an on and off relationship with someonelse for the past 1 year and a half. He did seem sad, but I was not sure. The last year has been ****** for me and my children. He moved back in in April and out again in May and I could not do that again and I told him that.

He swore he would never leave me again and that he just wanted to be happy. Part of me felt it was because he was losing so much money and then child support would cut into his standard of living.

So I told him that I wanted the divorce to go through since we were so close and then if it worked out then great. I told him I was a little hesitant because he has just - I believe - got dumped by the other woman and I did not want to be the rebound. So I told him I would need a month or so to sort out my feelings etc.

I did find out that he has been talking to her since the end of June, he sent her flowers for her birthday in June and she texted him a message Monday - the day he was talking to me. I was so hurt.

Then today he shows up at my door and tells me that he talked to his attorney and everything should be done since this is what I want and I am throwing away 17 years of marriage and the children and it is all my fault for not giving him a second chance. So he guesses he just needs to move on with his life etc. Oh, yea and he wants me out of the house by the end of the next month.

Now I sit and wonder did I do the right thing. I mean if he truly loved me would he give up after two days? I am so torn,but I feel like he just did not want to lose his money and his things and he finally realized how much this was going to cost him so he decided he might as well try with me. His moods change so much and I wanted to make sure it was me that he wanted and I was not just the one he settled for.

I am a little sad at the fact he just gave up so easily. I guess if we were meant to get back to together he will try in the future.

Sorry so long I am so hurt...AGAIN!! Thanks for listening.

Hi deannek,

I'm very interested to see what others write to you..

Anyway...I realllllly feel for you and your situation...sometimes I get excitied fantasizing about just this happening yet if it does...would I BELIEVE it? would I TRUST it?...God knows I want the real thing...I've been a fool...human who loves and been loved and get hurt...do I want to be a fool again?...Yeah, I do want to be loved again...even if it means being hurt again.

So...my only advice is just buy some TIME. It is soooo incredibly hard but I will not make a decision for my spouse that he can't make for himself. This is key and has been for me all along...It relieves me of bearing the responsibility of his actions. I will say it again because it has been crucial for me so far and I believe it will be in the end no matter what the result don't take the burden of choice on yourself...DON'T MAKE A DECISION FOR HIM THAT HE CAN'T MAKE FOR HIMSELF..

I want this marraige..and he claims he doesn't and is done...so HE WILL take the actions and make the decisions necessary to make it happen. RIGHT UP UNTILL the 11th hour!!

I've told my WS that I'm his wife 110%, faithful and committed right up until the moment he places that separation agreement in front of me to sign...and I sign it. The key words being...HE places that separation agreement in front of me to sign...it is HIS choice...HE will bare the responsibility of HIS choice not me.

So all I can say is...and If you look at my posts you can see I get angry with him, VERY, and I just want it ENDED and OVER with...FAST... if in the 11th hour my WS CAN'T do it by himself then...I'm not going to take over for him...oh no...not that.

That is why now you are already playing mind games with yourself I think, you gave him some relief...what if?, what if?... I wouldn't be surprised if my WS did something similar at the last second because he got cold feet...if he is standing on the window sill..ready to jump..I'M NOT GOING TO PUSH HIM. It's a trick to get you to help him bare the weight of his decision that he wonders will haunt him forever...

Just my humble opinion...and I haven't gotten quite as far as you yet but I'm getting closer all the time.

Good Luck...whatever you do...eventually I say, you have to deal with that little voice and say forgive me I was doing the best I could with what I had to work with at the time...so I don't think you've made any mistakes...but I wouldn't sign anything...

...perhaps you could say I need some time to reflect...if it was me though I would laugh at my WS and say "Hey if you don't want this divorce surely I don't...but then I would think about some issues I would need to feel satisfied...like NC....

You are NOT under any pressure...so think about what you would need to be convinced of his sincere heartfelt intentions...what do you need right now...brainstorm...write them down... Tell him your not ready to sign yet...are you? I would want to be REALLY Positive.

Strongest