I am having a tough time lately. I don't know why all of the sudden I can't think without thinking about his infidelity.

I want to move on with my life with my H. Why can't I do that????

Forgetting what happened is not always easy. You may never totally forget or erase it from your mind. But you can forgive, and work on that process where you can heal. Forgiveness is more about what you do for yourself and letting go of the pain.

sweet - I read your first post on In Recovery.

I cringe especially hard everytime I read about an H having an affair when the wife is pregnant. I'm sure this adds significantly to your low recovery starting point.

Please describe his attitude.

You cannot clap with one hand.

This is something you'll ever "just get over".

From my experience.... the people who try to do just that.. struggle more...because sometimes ..to "just get over it"... is a form of denial to some people.

I think what helped me the most, was I accepted it was what it was. Nothing my H, or myself would do...was going to UNDO it. We spend months, desperately trying to "turn back time" ...and it was frustrating.

I accepted it...and all the ugliness that came along with it. I accepted certain things, that as harsh as they were to think about... gave me something to hang on to.

My Marriage died... a slow, painful, horribly betrayed death. No matter WHAT... I could not change that fact...no matter WHAT H did... HE could not change that fact.

So I accepted it. And in turn....we made it a mission to NOT revive our M. We mourned it's passing...and became determined, and vigilent, to have a better, happier, more fulfilling marriage.

In part... I think that's why our recovery went well... because we stopped trying to FIX something that couldn't be fixed... but we make sure we both put forth effort every single day...to care and protect....our new relationship.

I absolutely adore my H. He is... my favorite person.

SS,

You will never forget, you will learn to live with it. Like when someone close to you dies, at first you think of them all the time, as time goes by you think of them less and less, you never forget, but you learn to live with the loss.