Yesterday my younger brother (24 years) confided in me and shared he was involved in an one time PA (which involved sexual intercourse) 5 months ago. After this incident my brother immediately stopped all contact with this girl (21 years). It’s a girl he met at his workplace and became friends with. The friendship developed to EA during the course of a few months. This all happened before my brother have gotten married to his GF (21 years) 3 months ago. My brother finally told his W what happened 1 month ago. My brother and his W have a baby girl who is almost 10 months old now…so although my brother wasn’t married at the time of the A, he was already engaged with a baby. The girl my brother had the A with knew at the time he has a fiancé and baby.

I just feel very disappointed with what my brother had told me yesterday and I feel very disappointed with his past actions… They are still so young of age and new in their M… and it’s just so sad that this all has transpired so early in their M… I has also started to wonder yesterday what is WRONG with my family – my grandfather betrayed my grandmother with many woman during their M; my mother and father experienced physical/emotional infidelity in their M and my father is still involved in EA with a woman he consider as only a ‘close emotionally supportive friend’; I had an EA and now I’ve discovered that my brother was also involved in an A… This is just SO disturbing…and I’m starting to wonder what hold the Devil has on this family… Why is this continuing for 3 generations now? Is this the “sins of the fathers” which are passing on now or a bad ‘gene’ in the family? This is the type of questions going through my mind. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

In spite of the infidelity which occurred in my parents M, both my brother and I were raised very conservatively and religiously. My brother is the last person I would suspect doing something like this since he has lost his ‘virginity’ to the girl he is now married to (she was his first time) and generally he is a very conservative person. I love my brother dearly and I know he is not a bad person in spite of what happened…it’s just…the disappointment is huge and I feel concerned for him and his W… <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I don't have much contact with my brother and his W since they are now living a few hundreds miles away from us. My brother told me about all this over the phone yesterday.

Just wanted to share this.

Suzet,

I'm so sorry for your pain.

I don't think that infidelity is genetic, but I DO think a shaming family environment sets people up for addiction problems, and As are addictions.

While I don't know for certain, I think at one point (when I was a teenager) my mom had an A. All the signs were there, and I use to feel absolutely sick to my stomach when she behaved the way she did. Although I never found out the truth, after having my own A, I'm 99.9% certain she did.

Maybe, in some ways, As are learned behavior. My mom use to confide in me terrible things about my father (things a mom shouldn't say to her teenage daughter, things that weren't even really terrible) and I think she was trying to justify her behavior. In some way, I might have learned that "doing what you feel" because your H "isn't doing it for you" was okay during this time in my life.

I wonder if this is true with your family as well... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Katie, thanks for your post.

It’s possible…

Katie, if you are interested, here is a link to the story on my parent’s infidelity in their M (I shared it on the In Recovery forum 3 years ago). It’s very sad but it will give you a better understanding of the whole situation. The situation you will read about on that link (my father’s EA with OW) is still going on today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Katie, thanks for your concern and thanks for taking the time.
Suzet