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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,197
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,197 |
This might seem silly, but I am really trying to do a good plan A before WH moves out of state. But here is a silly thing that I don't know how to handle next time.
When WH dropped of the kids last weekend, he hung around a bit. He has a camera phone that shoots movies. He was showing me the movies of the kids doing there tricks in the pool. He was standing closer to me than he has in almost a year. It made me uneasy, it hurt, I wanted to be able to touch him but I can't.
I feel I need to suck it up and let him stand that close to me, even though it hurts so bad. This is correct right?
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 936
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Posts: 936 |
cant? why cant you? did HE say you cant?
if you love him, and he wants to stand next to you.. and you want to touch him... I would say if you are standing the same direction to both look at the screen, maybe lean lightly against him to "get a better view".
If you cant do that without "throwing yourself at him", then better not I guess. but speaking for myself, i miss my wife so much, if she wants to hug me, or just lean against me, i'd be happy either way.
ME: H, 35, married 9 years. 3 young sons
W:32, series of online "friendships"
1st D-day: some time 2004 (online EA) OM broke off, NC june 2005, but no recovery plan
2nd D-day: june 20th, 2006("ILY" to "friend"). W moved out next day.
Oct 2006, starts being around a 3rd guy instead. Mar 2007, stopped?
Current status: Separated. W filed D. in July 2006, served Dec 11th, my response filed Jan 8th
Most recent thread
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,033
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Posts: 2,033 |
Jean,
Plan A is about being the best, most loving, most awesome wife you can be to your H.
""I feel I need to suck it up and let him stand that close to me, even though it hurts so bad. This is correct right?""
Yes, I believe that is correct.
""I wanted to be able to touch him but I can't.""
I, too, must ask why?
krk
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978 |
How about casual touch? Touching his arm when talking that kind of thing. I remember when things were really bad between FWH and I. I wanted him to hold me sooo badly. He use to give me the most awesome hugs..I felt so safe. As things are getting better I too shy away from touching, I guess out of fear of being rejected. There was a point he would pull back as if repulsed from my touch...OUCH!!! So I started w/ casual touch. Picking a piece of lint (whether it was there or not), patting his shoulder, squeezing his arm (and now occassionally pinching his but)...touch that did not need to be returned. I now force myself to take one step closer than comfortable. Men and women have different comfort zones I'm trying to acclimate. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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