anybody out there have any sucess with a sitiuation similar to this
wife began affair ,
wife caught 2 months into it
wife immedietly moved out
wife wont contact bs at all
wife got all exposed and distanced from family and friends
got new friends
been gone now 60 days
are there any inspirations or am i kidding myself to think shell relize this and come back

slow down, jm

Why are you in a hurry to give up?

Why not allow HER to give up?

And if you "give up" what does that mean? What will you do different? File for divorce? Then what? What are you relieved of?

WAT

JM,

Two months is not a long time although it seems as if it is for ever to you. Nominal time for a reevaluation of the situation and your feelings is about 6 month mark. Keep reading, posting, asking questions and continue to learn.

You want to come out of this better, strong, faster, rebuilt, in another words the 6 Million dollar man. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Actually, with inflation I would guess it is more like 18 Million Dollar man. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Seriously, no matter what your W does or doesn't do, YOUR goal is to heal, and improve so that this experience is a positive one for you and the rest of your life. Sounds really philosophical doesn't it, but the reality is that you want your NEXT relationship whether it is with your W or someone new to be much better and happier.

This is all for you, so stay the course for awhile, and work on you, you won't regret it.

God Bless,

JL

no i dont want to give up but i feel she already did
i just am having one of those days where i feel hopless i will not waiver in the fight for my marriage but i just feel lost today

Wait a minute jm -

Tell me if I have this right?

You caught her 2 months after the affair started, which was 60 days ago.

So now (today) is about 4 months into the affair?

And you're ready to give up after 60 days?

Do I have that right?

How long were you married before the affair? Kids?

WAT

well the affair started in mid to late march so its about 4 to 5 months strong
were only married 2 and a half years but we lived together for 6 and half
no kids but a dog who was treated like a kid from us but now she dont care much for him either
i just was wondering if there was hope after an affair goes to long

jm - I understand.

No, after too long, the hope reasonably ought to diminish.

It's determining what "too long" is that's tricky.

Are you in Plan B yet?

Got a sepaation agreement or other available legal instrument to cover your a$$?

On anti-d's?

How old are you? Betcha JL's been married longer than you've been alive. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT

jm,

there is always hope if you want it to be. Become the best person you can be for yourself. Take care of you and don't worry about her. I know eaiser said than done. Make postive changes for yourself. Women are attracted to a strong confident male, become that man again.....

Even though my EXWS divorced me, I still have some shred of hope. Hope springs eternal they say and who knows what life may bring you.

Its all up to you, its only over when you say it is....


Hurting

so you think that her affair is to long?
im 29 shes 25 but we were in love for a long time it dont make sense that she changed overnight
im just tryin to figure out if theres been stories where a person can realize what they did after being in an affair that long

thanks for the its only over till i say it is
she was head over heals for me since i met her over 11 years ago weve been together for over 7 and everything was fine..the occasional argument but fine
tryin to have kids which she cant do to easly medically
buy a home
she went back to school ,got a job etc....i think she had or is having a nervous breakdown!!!
i call her now and its one word push aways like shes plan b ing me!!!
i dont know if i should let her be to come out of this on her own or trey talkin but when i try to contact her she dont open up like a clam?
i dont get it

No, her affair isn't very long so far - assuming you're correct about when it started.

But all cars and drivers are not the same and the mileage you get may vary...

My XW married her OM 5 months after our divorce and to this day still denies she was having an affair at all. So to her, it never started, yet she's "gone". WAY gone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT

jm,

I know how hard this is for you, the questions and the wondering why. To be honest with you the answers will probably never come, she doesn't even have the answers. Stop trying to figure it out because you can't. Even now its been over a year and I still don't know anymore today than I did on d-day as to why.

Please read up on planA and do it for you not her. Stop trying to talk to her about the relationship it does nothing but makes things worse, I know this first hand.

get out and do fun things make a life for yourself, without dating as you are still married. This is the hard part live like she is never gonna come back be good to yourself, she will notice.

You are still very early in this mess, she is still in the honeymoon stage of the affair, give it time the fantasy will start to wear off. Some take longer than others but it will happen. Time is on your side....


Hurting

JM,

WAT wins the bet, I have been married longer than you have been alive. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Here is the point we are making. 4-5 months is NOT too long for an affair. Harley pointed out in his experience affairs start to sputter around 6 months to a year. Not all, that is for sure, but many adhere to this time line.

But, the point is given that you have only been married two years. And given that I think you are NOT anywhere near your prime (in my opinion that starts after 30), I think you should view this as something to grow from and learn from.

It is entirely possible that your W will end the affair. It is also a FACT that you are growing and maturing and supposedly so is she, but sometimes this causes problems in the marriage. You have no control over her thinking or values. But, you do have control over yourself...learn, grow, and be ready to be the man you will be for the rest of your life. Believe me you are still very young at almost 30. You realistically have about 60 more years ahead of you, and therefore, you can and should celebrate a "golden" 50th anniversary with your current W or a new wife.

The fact of the matter is, IF she does leave now, you should consider yourself blessed. Not because you don't or shouldn't love her, but because NOW is much better than later when there are children involved and you have spent a good portion of your adult life with her.

Young man, WAT can loan you tee shirts that are older than you, of course you may want to wash them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> But, the point is you are focusing on NOW, which is very very normal. We are trying to get you to quit looking at your feet and look to the horizon, that is where your future is. Prepare for your future, worry less about your W, address what you preceive to be your shortcomings, seek counseling if you think that will help you see things more clearly, but work on YOUR future. If your W is going to be part of YOUR future, she will have to make her own decisions.

My guess is she is going to deeply regret what she has done, but it will very likely be after you have moved on. I will leave you with this saying. Prepare to live your life well JM.

I know you hurt. WAT and others know your hurt even more deeply than I, but it all comes down to YOU and what are you going to learn and do. It is your call, not your W's. You have control in this situation. It may not seem like it now, but you really really do.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

i see it all depends on the person i guess
ill just have to put these mb princibles to work and see what god has in store for me
everyone i exposed to with exception to her parents she turned her back on.her own family that she was close too so its either gonna be get back to reality or i cant help her and will move on
but i will try all i can b4 its divorce time

JM,

Might drugs be involved?

That is something to look into when there is a vast personality change almost overnight.

Besides being addicted to the OM she could be tweakin' her head off.

Just a thought.

krk

you people are great im very happy to have found all of you...
i know i can get a new wife and when i go out lots of women approach me but im still married and thats the hard p[art im gonna still be faithful to an unfaithful person...its almost like im cursed for having morals
the thruth of the matter is i am afraid for her not me for her.my love for her would allow me to set her free i just dont think she knows how to fly right now
you could leave me and have an affair but to cut off any and all of your family for thinking im right is the way a nut would behave im afraid for her more then anything else in this matter

drugs???????? a few of her cousins suggested that especially with a sudden weight loss
i couldnt of even imagined that could be a possibility until you posted that i have to look into that thank you