Hi,
I’ve been married for two years (known each other for 3 yrs). I consider myself as a domesticised husband, helping out with house work etc. I also love my wife and care deeply for her as she suffers from a not so obvious disability. Almost from our first day of marriage we’ve had difficulties, mostly related to disagreements on how things are done in the house and elsewhere, how we spend our money, etc. We started seeing a marriage counselor some ten months ago and I also reviewed the helping material on this site. I followed the advice from the MC and from the experts here, and am glad to say I learnt so much! As far as disagreements are concerned, I learnt to ‘let it go’, ie allow my wife to do things the way she wants. It’s not so easy since I try to follow logic whereas my wife follows her emotions. We basically don’t have a ‘joint agreement’. As I can't get her to agree on things with me, I'd rather let her have it her way. Can't say I am happy with that.

The problem now is that my wife refuses to come with me for counseling anymore. I’ve been going on my own last few times. My wife’s excuse is that we ought to save money, even though I tried to explain to her that the modest counseling fee is insignificant compared to our marriage. She has become so distant from me, ever so temperamental and moody and always finding faults and blaming me for every thing that goes wrong in our lives and showing no respect. Our love life is virtually non-existent. The MC’s opinion is that my wife is in need of individual therapy and that she has problems admitting when she is wrong, etc.

What can I do to persuade my wife to go to the marriage counselor with me? Its quite ironic that it was she who presuaded me to go to counseling at the beginning and now she is totally uninterested!

You can't do anything to attempt to control her. Personally....I think you're "giving" too much and "taking" to little. It won't be long before both of you are in withdrawal. Read about the "giver and the taker" on the main site....you have no idea how to negotiate for what you need or want. If you want to continue counseling....you've got to come up with a way to make counseling attractive to your wife. How can you do that?

Welcome to MB <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the advice starfish. I'll certainly review the material.
Well I made a pledge for myself to do my utmost to make this marriage succeed. The alternative for me is unimaginable.

I like your signature quote! I wish I could get there one day.

Yesterday I had the last meeting with our marriage counselor (on my own) after 10 months of therapy. It was a devastating session as the counselor advised that this marriage is hopeless (wife refuses to attend counseling and not showing interest in the marriage). The counselor commented that I am getting the crumbs in this marriage and asked 'how long will you carry on sacrificing?'
I guess I have to join the ‘Divorcing’ board here!

Read first.

Become your own marriage counselor by working on yourself. You MAY be able to lead your wife into a fruitful marriage. If she refuse to follow...you will be blessed with the feeling of exhausting all options.

I think you should read up on Conflict Avoidance and how to address conflict in a healthy way.

The Harleys have a great book called "Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders" (I think it has a new name now...but the old versions are available used on amazon and elsewhere).

A marriage only dies when BOTH spouses give up. MB can help and the support forums are FREE. My wife and I both post here and have overcome more than it appears you have on your collective plate. In a few weeks maybe try to bring her in MB to post also.

Last point - YOU can't MAKE her happy. That's her issue.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering