ughh low..
we are leaving to go out..back later...

ARKIe

Is it that the love, admiration, and adoration make you passionate about your H?

I think those things will help increase passion. Passion in itself can deminish without those things IMHO.

So maybe that is the answer.

I don't know. I always equate passion to newness. The butterflies etc.

Now you may have given my already full head something else to think about.

Quite fankly I am tired of thinking.

I think a lot of us do...that's why some of us WS convince ourseleves we had to look elsewhere for it...

I think it's easier for new relationships to be passionate because there is still a good bit of risk involved as you begin to expose yourself more.

But, as ark is intimating, passion is NOT exclusive to "newness". I think in her case, the passion comes from knowing she can pour herself out on this man...expose her innermost self. There is a risk that he could be intimidated or less than impressed by her enthusiasm. That's the risk she takes.

She may correct me...but I think that's one element of marital passion.

I agree.

I guess there are different types of passion as well. The one in which I equate to newness. If that is the passion you always need then maybe M is not the answer. And when I say newness I mean the excitement of the first kiss etc.

Then ther is passion for your M. Passion for the things you do in life.

Kinda like golf if you become passionate for it you are still that way for a while even after the newness is gone.
Maybe for life.

Passion is showing and expressing strong emotion. Maybe that is what is missing. Is that showing and expressing part on a regular basis. One might make the assumption your S knows how. But are you showing and expressing?

I guess you are correct
I don't think I do associate passion with newness...

I associate passion with wanting to be with that person
TODAY

wanting to make them happy TODAY

wanting to make their life easier TODAY...

and wanting to rock their workd TODAY... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

fifteen years and I still view my husband as my boyfriend on some level...

that I want to hear from him
I want to see him
I want to tell him things...

he has proven his dedication much more in our marriage than when dating...and when new..

infact...
his actions were more suspicious...when dating

"is he being this nice cause he likes ME...or does he just want to hang with me till someone else comes along?.."



dating was easy...E A S Y!!!!!

he'd open the door..
he'd eat icecream flavors I brought him that he didn't like...
he'd go the bar and get me a beer....

but now I've seen him...

stand beside me through 3-C-sections
one miscarriage...
change equal amount of diapers
read cookbooks and cook some great meals...(OK so I'm not ALLOWED to touch the grill....) I can live with that... knelt beside him at church and watch him bow his head and pray for us...

and go to work on a job that beats him down somedays....
and NOT complain...
or he complains to me...so I have a chance to listen...

those actions evoke great feelings of passion from me..

he does those things for me and 'us'...

see what I thought was love and passion on the day I wore that silly foofy white dress....

is NOTHING compared to how I feel today....

and so a lot of marital complaints are foreign to me...

we have kids and bills...
yeah me to...and if I was single I'd have bills...
so what.....

kids are messy and whiney and suck the life out of you...
so it is even more imperitive to make time for eachother...
and if I lost my husband because I over managed and shut him out of the kids lives...
I'd go insane...AND would bring havoc to my children...

I abhor that the kids come first...mantra and how people buy in to that...

the FAMILY comes first....

I don't relate to women who tell there husbands they are doing it wrong....

I know a woman who complains about the way her hubby loads the dish-washer...are you KIDDING me...???!!!!!!!!!
cause guess what....
she's told him enough times he's doing it wrong...so now he DOESNT do it at ALL...
and I don't blame him
I blame her..
and I would NEVER EVER complain over how he loads a dishwasher...EVER!!!!!!!!!!
cause i love when he loads the dishwasher....

I HATE that society treats men and husbands with such little honor and disdain...

that women gather and bash the men they CHOSE and MARRIED...
(though their is onus on choosing wisely as well in the first place....)

I will take risks with him that I would take with NO ONE else on this planet...

Ark

WOW!

What a beautiful, PASSIONATE post!!!

Great post, ark!!!

Some good stuff there.

Maybe passion is sparked by different things in different people.

For LowOrbit, passion is linked to risk. But that doesn't spark passion in me at all.

For HL, passion is linked to newness. But I would find it impossible to be passionate -- sexually or in any other way -- by something/someone I didn't know well.

For Ark, passion is sparked by appreciation for the man she is married to. That's closer to what sparks passion in me.

I would say passion for me is sparked by a real emotional connection/intimacy with my partner. And that's pretty consistent with all areas of my life. I like to get deep into relationship/issues and that sparks my passion for work, spirituality, etc.

Are you a thrill-seeker in other areas of your life, LowOrbit? Do you have more risky hobbies like hang gliding or motorcycles or racecars? Do you take the most difficult projects at work, the ones no one else wants to touch?

How about you HL, do you search for the new in other areas of your life. Is newness a spark for you at work, or in possessions?

What if we list some small acts that spur passion...I'll start...

A hotel key and a room number left in an envelope on her vanity...

Yes, I would say that characterizes me well...

I still think risk is involved...even in your's and ark's case. Engagin in the level of intimacy you are describing is VERY risky...he could reject you, find something about you repulsive, etc, etc...but he doesn't!

You gamble that he won't trample on your affections...and you WIN!

Towards the end of my marriage, just the opposite was happening...if I tried to share some of my innermost feelings, my W would find ways to "shut me down".

I gambled and lost...

Low

I read something about a couple, both powerful in their careers who had an incredible marriage although both busy and both living "male like" roles in the work place -

at home this wife treated her husband like a king, taking on a role of a more tradional female...serving him at dinner time and waiting on him. At dinner time, every single night, he was the king of her castle and she was rewarded with his devotion and manliness throughout their marriage.

For women:

Treat your man like a king at dinner time every night, make it a habit and dinner will become a pleasure for you both... leading on into the night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I like it! "Wake up with the King!"

I think so too. When we decide we want to love with everything we've got, we take a risk, however when we are in a marriage we are safe to do just that. Ark's husband is a safe haven for her so that she can be the way she is.

It's about not letting resentment build up so that it takes the place of lovingness towards each other. Preferably it starts at the beginning of a marriage, before the seeds of resentment are allowed to grow.

In a new R, there is no resentment so both are safe from recriminations by the others resentment.

In an older marriage where resentment has had a chance to take route, it would take some time for the one who chooses to change the dynamics back to loving safety, but it is possible...courage and patience by possibly only one partner even to get to the point where passion lives again.

Yeah, there is risk in being vulnerable. But it isn't the risk that is the spark for me as it is for you. I don't actually like risks. Guess I'm a plodder in that sense.

I think this is one of those Love Language kind of issues. What would work for someone who is a thrill-seeker probably won't work for someone who isn't.

You've made me think though, because my husband has always been something of an adrenalin junkie -- motorcycles, martial arts, etc. I probably need to appeal more to that in him. He certainly has learned to appeal to my need for emotional closeness and kind of classical romantic gestures (flowers, love letters, weekend getaways, etc.).

I guess you have to figure out what sparks your partner's passion in addition to your own if you want to keep the relationship at a peak.

Ok, the light is slowly coming on...

Passion = "In Love Feeling"?

"In Love Feeling" happens as a result of LB deposits?

Attempts to make LB deposits can be risky?

Choosing to stay safe = not making risky LB deposits = taking spouse for granted?

Mr ARK

would be scared to take me to COYOTE UGLY BAR in VEGAS...


Mr ARK

should be scared to take me to COYOTE UGLY BAR in VEGAS...

But I bet someday he will do just that..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I bet......cause he likes the risk as well....

ARKie

As it should be. LOL


This is why I don't do laundry, load or unload the dishwasher. LOL.

Ark well said!!!!!! You should start a class on wifing(i think I made that word up)


Until I read Ark's post. I was equating the expectation of the newness of things to passion. That type of passion will erode. But now looking at what Ark said I agree with her. Different type of passion.

I have been won over by Ark!!!