I hope this is in the right forum, so please bear with me.
My wife had an affair during the winter of 2001. I posted quite a bit on the forums here during that time, so if you need background, it's here in the back posts.
My problem now deals with a female friend of hers, who happens to be gay. They talk all the time, mostly via txt messages (running now @ 5000/month!). Well, about a month ago, my wife told me she considers herself bi-sexual, she also told me that she no longer felt in love with me (same common line). This came out of nowhere to me, as I knew she had an "incident" in college, but that was all I knew. And since she mentioned this, she has had no interest in sexual activity of any kind with me. So, anyway, she starts going to this friends church, which is about an hours drive away. The friend lives in the same city as we do, but her family lives a hours drive away, and it is their church she goes to. My wife goes with her to the church on wed. nights. Also, on Sat. nights, she will go and spend the night at the friends family's house and go to church on sun. morning. My wife seems to make it a habit of kidding me about something going on between them, which I have told her I do not like. Yesterday, she asks me if I would like to have an open marraige. I thought she again was kidding, but she said she was serious, and that perhaps she could explore her bi-side. I was quite floored by this, and didn't really know how to react.
So, tonight we had a talk about it. I told her it was hard for me not to believe there wasn't something going on between them, given what she had said about the open marriage. There are other problems as well, take the mass amount of txt messaging...she always erases her messages. Not that I snoop around in her phone, but when she does show me a recent message, I can tell any others have been deleted. She also writes the friend letters, one of which I found by accident, and it was a bit too friendly. I told her I really did not like her spending the night with the friend on saturday nights, and I asked her to stop doing it. That didn't go over too well, and now she is in the bed upset and crying.
Did I go overboard here? In all honesty, she acts exactly like she did when the affair started in 2001. I'm trying to get her to go with me to a counselor, but so far, I've had no luck with that. She's in the mode where she doesn't care whether we are married or not, and she has told me she doesn't have any desire to fix our problems. It just seems like 2001 all over again. I dont think I can go through that again.
confused <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
