You've gotten some good advice on this. What you are feeling is normal, but it will lessen over time. Whenever these thoughts become obsessive - just remind yourself that this person is not a goddess. I read somewhere - and maybe someon will pipe in a reference - that most OW are actually LESS attractive than the BWs. Something to do with the WH picking someone who will boost their esteem, and a really good catch is not going to get messed up with a married man. I agree that the less you know about her in specific, the better off you will be. The more you know, the more tirggers you will have - oh, she loves jazz? and you want to take ME to a jazz concert? ---pain---. Don't go there. As long as you give her "place" in your relationship, the longer she will stay in your relationship. SHe was not just too irrisistable to resist - your WH got invoved with her through his own poor judgement, not because she was a fabulous hottie. And if you do catch yourself obsessing, then don't beat yourself up - if you have no reason to believe they have resumed contact, then whenever you think of her, refuse to continue dwelling on it. Do not try to compare yourself to your fantasy of her. Be the best you that you can be, and rejoice in who you are. Let her go.

It took me three years to get over being obsessed with the OW. What she did, how she looked (I still have her picture, got it off the back of her last book. )
It did not help that she is who she is, a recognizable name in many circles. I despise her still, but I don't think about her all day the way I used to.

I still don't get why she seems so attractive. I think it maybe because she is a snotty bossy creature who is arroagnt and mean. often people like that just roll in and roll over people. Maybe some men admire that. Guess at least a couple did.

I don't think she learned anything from what she did. As soon as she was discarded, she scampered off and destroyed someone else's marriage completely.

It does make me happy on a base level that I am better looking than her. For all the good it did me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

While OW are all different people, they are all the same in many ways (if they KNOW they are with a married man, that is). IMHO, there are at least four shared characteristics of OW in the main:

Immoral
Selfish
Uncaring
Egocentric

I should probably speculate also that they have low self-esteem, because there is likely the added flaw that they believe somehow that by "taking away" your H from you, that makes them "better" than other women in some way.....albeit their reasoning is pi$$ poor to say the least.

The OW?

Nothing special.

Nothing.


SB