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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 14
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 14 |
D-Day was 6 months ago. I posted a few questions here and received very helpful advice at that time (THANK U). My quickie update is that FWH quit his job working with OW, we sold our house & moved out of state (800miles away).
Although we still have many emotional issues to deal with, there are issues that I feel have had vast improvement. I feel wanted & respected, appreciated and valued. Things that have not existed betw us in years.
I have changed from 20mg of Lexapro down to 10mg, but can definitely feel the anxious thoughts of OW returning. Not what-if thoughts, just what-were thoughts.
Things are going well betw FWH & I - how can I stop the hurtful memories from ruining our healing??
Casey
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,246
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Member
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 1,246 |
The short answer is to realize they are memories. They are experiences that can shape you for the future. I liken it to childhood memories...remember that boyfriend that dumped you and how you wanted to die in high school? Well, here you are, still alive.... and that pain from that boyfriend, is it still there, or just a memory that you can identify to and that it hurt so bad back then? Separating the back then from now is the hard part of it all.
9 years now ... and some days you still say grrr!
Hang in there.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
how can I stop the hurtful memories from ruining our healing?? They are not ruining your healing ... they are a part of your healing ... You are doing great. This will gradually lessen over time. You'll be fine <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Pep
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Get closure. I suspect you have move forward but without a plan for recovery. Recovery comes in 2 stages - personal and marriage. Each mate should have a recovery plan and help their spouse with their's. Together you will help each other and help your M recovery.
See if you can schedule a call into Steve H's center for some phone counseling or get an MC in your area familar with MB principals.
take care,
L.
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,808
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,808 |
We try very hard to make new memories- to help me replace those thoughts of her and him with me and him.
I know it seems like the same old story, but time helps.
6 months and 8 months were pretty hard for me.
Hang in there
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