The marriage ended quietly in courtroom in NC on a hot July morning. What started over 30 years ago in a small Catholic church in Alabama and ordained by the Creator himself ended with the signature of a District Court Judge. What a sad day it was for me. The saddest day for me was when we went together to my attorney’s office and signed the separation papers. That was the saddest day for me because she willingly chose to leave me and to go be with him. So the divorce day was sad but not the saddest day. I spent the day at work doing my job. I didn’t have to appear in court, it was all handled for me by my attorney. After work, I did go home and get drunk. That was a mistake too but it did temporarily end the pain of the day.

So now I am another marriage statistic. I am one of those people that get divorced every year. I never cheated and keep my vows. It is not what I planned for myself. I always envisioned being married to the same woman for life. I am a realist. I knew she wasn’t perfect but I didn’t expect perfect. What I didn’t expect was a person who cheated and betrayed.

hopeful....I am sorry for your pain....

please take time and heal....and know that if you focus on making your self better, emotionally, physically, and spiritually everything else will fall into place.....and be patient.....I recall those dark days in my life...the darkest days of winter for me...and I also recall thinking how badly I wanted it to change....

Best of luck to you....keep posting here...it will help....

I am sorry to hear about that. I know this is tough but at least you can keep yout head held high and know that you did all you could. You kept your dignity and your honor!

There is nothing wrong with honoring your vows and keeping your word. It is sad how devistating it is when someone cheats on their spouse. I am sad for you but hope you future remains bright. God bless you.

HopefulinNC,

I am sorry for the loss of your M but it was not picnic being tied to a WS, right?

Still your life will move forward and you will carry the same principals you cherish and brought in to your M. Don't lose that spirit and that twinkle in your eye.

Btw, now that you don't have a WS around....becareful. Good guys are rare. Make sure you don't get taken by some floozy who doesn't believe in POJA, RH, etc. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

YOU will make it.

Prayers,

Mr. Wondering

So sorry, HINC. I know you are so sad, but now the future can be so much brighter than the past. Hang in there, friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sorry it happened, but at least you know you tried. My D will be final soon, and I'm at peace with things. My WS is NOT.

I know your pain. I feel it. While I am still married to my WH, I already feel the death of our marriage.

Today, I have decided I was done. My H had to come home early to be w/his dying mother. I surprised him at the airport. But I was the one who was surprised. He was not wearing his wedding ring. He gave me some bulls*** answer, but managed to tell me she saw the OW coincidentally at the airport. I cried. I knew better.

He's at his mother's bedside while I'm at home crying my heart and soul. I drank to numb the pain. That didn't help. I called my Mom ocean away whom I love a great deal albeit our oil and water relationship. I cried for the first time and she listened for the first time. She never knew the whole story. We talked for an hour.

While my WH is holding his dying mom's hand, I have reestablished a profound appreciation for my own Mom. While I've been rejected by my WH's family, I now value my family much more. I have tried for all the years we were together to get his family closer by initiating get togethers, their gratitude was lacking. It was always a one way street. The only times they get together is on national holidays and I've always been the one who did the planning. Neither my WH sibblings who are in their late 30s are gainly employed. One lives slightly above a homeless person in a shipping container while the other lived off of their mother.

After throwing up, I looked at myself in the mirror, and from that moment on, I decided, I was done. I picked up the phone and called my D attorney. I've decided that I'd rather be alone than be misearbly married to someone whom I have lost complete trust and respect.

Yes, we have gone to MC. He's gone to IC. I've read articles on MB. We went to counseling prior to our M. Every MC we've gone to advised he needed to make adjustments REGARDLESS who he was with. The issues go much deeper than his cheating. I no longer have the tenacity, love and patience left for him to wait for him to figure out his life. And in doing so, he continues to live in lies.

Good luck to you. Life is temporary.

Stargazelily

Oh you guys!! Reading hopefulinnc and stargazelily's threads makes me start crying all over again. My marriage died in my mind today, too.

No, it won't be in the obit pages, but I've met with the lawyer today, and the ball is in motion. My parents will never speak to WH again, because, as stargaze did, I confessed the full extent of the A. They can NEVER accept him back as the SonIL they once loved.

My deconstruction is complete. I thought I was deconstructed the first D-day, but I had no idea how much worse it could get. Now, we'll begin the dividing up of all that once was whole. Half the money, half the friends, half the time with the kids.

With each new milestone our children reach, graduation from various schools, parents' day, grandparent's day, birthday parties, slumber parties, first boyfriend, first girlfriend, off to college, weddings, funerals. All of this will be "halved" because that is what happens when a marriage dies.

Ok, now I'm crying all over again. What a true loss. I guess I just wrote my marriage obit.

HINC,

It is indeed a sorry day. I hope you realize you gave it every chance to succeed, but if your W is/was unwilling there is little else you can do.

How are you kids, especially the young son in college? Are they handling this OK?

I wonder if your W will ever get that she has blown it. I presume the affair is still on in some fashion or another.

Must go, but again I am very sorry to hear this news.

God Bless,

JL

Hopeful, Star, & Stone,

Thoughts and prayers are with you for your strength to move forward. You all have endured so much it is truly heart breaking. May each day get brighter and take the sadness away.

Please never feel alone. You have friends that understand the pain and know that you will survive.

Keep posting.

Star & SC,

Hopefulinnc has been through a rough time. He is still healing but I am sure he will tell you that you both are still quite fresh in this stage and still have a ways to go before your sitches can end in a D or recovery.

Well I can't speak for him but my gut tells me he may feel that way. I know I do.

So what t/d? Well u r both quite tired of the A and the charade right?

Let's go to your own threads and give you some support. What we need to give Hopefulinnc is our support that we are proud he has gone through this with the respect and dignity he deserves.

He is not the one who ended the M. He is not responsible for the demise of the WS.

Hopefulinnc is a valuable and loving person who will find the right person to appreciate him. We just gotta make sure she gets our stamp of approval 1st. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Just kidding Hopeful..... u know that right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz to all,
L.

Thank you all for your words of support and encouragement. I really feel deep down in my heart that I did everything I could do to give this marriage a chance. However, it takes two to make a marriage and she just didn't want it to happen. I made plenty of mistakes along the way but in the end I can look back and say that I conducted myself with diginity and compassion.

Star and Stone, it does get better but not all of a sudden. It takes time but it does get better.

JL, you my friend were my best ally in this fight. What sage advice you gave me. Thank you. As far as the children, they don't know the latest news but I am sure each of them knew in the hearts that this was going to happen. Young son in college has finally had some success grade wise and is much more confident going into his junior year. He will make it now.

Again thanks to everyone that posted to me during the past two years. I appreciate you all.

HINC

I appreciate and admire you as a man ... a real honest-to-God M A N

When it comes to future dating ... be particular <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Pep

these are the posts that just make you want to weep...

Godspeed on this journey....
to healing

prayers be with you..

ARK^^

To Pep and Ark, thank you for your kind words. I respect both of you very much. You words mean the world to me.

HINC,

Do tell your children and do it in a kind and caring way. It will be hard on them I suspect, but let them know. Good to hear about the youngest one getting some traction with the school stuff. It seems to take some longer than others to figure out what they want and the necessity of focusing.

Do come by and keep us updated or better yet hang around here and help a few folks. You know the drill and you understand completely what the stakes are. You would be a great addition to this site.

Please think about it.

God Bless,

JL