I need help!! My H is moving out August 5. I'm having a c-section In 4 days. How do I break the news to my kids two days after I bring home a new baby that their daddy is leaving them. He says he could work on our marriage but he won't. I'm am so scared and hurt. How do I deal? His EA ended in May and I thought we were going to work on our marriage and then he decided he didn't want to go to C. What do I do??


Melly

Did you expose his affair? What have you done so far?

She did. I had called him out on it for months. I have done plan A. I have tried everything my IC suggested. He just doesn't want tobe here.

melly

Did YOU expose to HIS friends, family etc? Is the affair over? (Hint: I guarantee it's not)

His friends know but I don't talk to his family. The A is supposedly over. She transferred a couple weeks ago and he says they weren't and aren't talking. I've been hanging on for so long I don't think I can do it anymore. I had always envisioned us together but now that seems so hopeless. Where I go from here? He promised to go to therapy but after going once refused to go again. If I'm the only one in how can we make it.

Melly

Mellysue - I bet the affair is ongoing. A man would not just up and leave in circumstances such as you describe if he didn't have a warm body to go to.

You have to expose regardless of how distasteful you might find it. And to his parents you don't talk to as well.

He claims that I've messed up too much. And maybe I have-I don't know. After the A had been going on for 9 months I asked him to leave.

Mellysue

well from my experience when they blame you its just to make thier shame look better to them selves dont buy it
kahuna knows what hes talkin about keep exposing to all he said
you shouldnt be in a position your in and have faith that god knows what hes doing with you you sound too nice to be treated like this so dont feel your gonna be all alone it wont happen but keep faith up

Thank you so much for your replies. It means so much right now to have someone listening. I guess I never expected it to this much. I always figured that in this position I'd easily walk away.

Melly

its never easy and im facing what you are although me and my wife dont have kids
i dont think it makes it easier for me but like i said we keep our vows so some bit of faith we need right now to know we will be takin care of
even if its not good enough for us right now it will be hopefully our spouses wake up and sadly if they dont ill make a bet with you that in 10 years from now we come back to this site and i promise will both be better in our current marriages or laugh at the fact we took so long to recover and find someone who agrees with morals and values ....................

Melly,

He is planning on moving out while u r pregnant? What a weeny. Tell him any person who abandons their family in your condition is NOT a man. Doesn't matter what his lousy reason is.

You can ask for support from your local woman's abuse hotline and see what services may be available. This is so you can be ready should he decide to become a weeny.

Hugz,
L.

have you been to the pregnancy support board..there are people who have sadly been in the EXACT position...

blessings to you and the baby...

YOU will get through this..

you will...

you are in my prayers....

ARK

Ask him NOT to leave.

are you in counseling?

I am in counseling and I managed to get him to try it but he went to one session and refuses to go back. He says a marriage should come easy and if it doesn't it's not meant to be. I have asked him not to leave and told him I needed him-not to the point of begging. He still believes this is the only option that makes sense. At this point if I give anymore I will void of sef esteem. My c-section is at 7:30 am on Monday and I should be home on Thursday. He leaves on Saturday. To make matters worse not only are my kids losing their father he also expects that I will go back to work because he says he shouldn't have to live penny to penny. So now the kids will be losing their stay at home mom which they love but they will also have to give up their lifestyle. I love my H and I am willing to work but he is not budging. He says he loves me and I think he intends to be able to come back when things don't happen the way he planned but I don't know that that will be possible. My IC says that if he goes through with it now we have only a miniscule chance of working things out and the kids will be more hurt than otherwise. My H is in desperate need of IC but refuses so what do I do? I know this is coming from a place of insecurity and past wounds but I can't make him see. He acts as if he has to earn my love and all I want is for him to help me maintain what we have but he refuses to ackowledge anything other than what he wants. Please help-my time is running out.

Mellysue

He does have to earn your love. He lost it when he lost his mind and his pants.

As for him living penny to penny, unless he has some sort of silver spoon, that is exactly what he will be doing. The scary thing is will he make you and the children live that way for his A benefit? That is the unknown right now.

What you do know is that he isn't your H. Let him know you love your H but NOT this strange creature he has become....the one willing to abandon even their own flesh and blood.

As for your going back to work, not even the state or any employer in their right mind would ask a C-section patient to go back to work before the standard time off.

He is nutz and dangerous if he thinks you have to work so he doesn't have to live penny to penny. Don't argue this point, just throw the babble back and say....r u serious? Do you believe what you just babbled? Maybe you should have a C-section.

L.