I am relatively new to the MB so if this question has been asked before I missed it. If there was a pill which could be given to your unfaithful spouse which would cause them to feel (for three weeks) all of the hurt, humiliation, anxiety, distrust and since of abandonment you have felt since discovery, would you give it to them? If so, how many doses?

No not to her. I wouldn't want to inflict this on anyone. My MIL comes to mind but she had already had the same thing happen to her and it didn't stop her from helping it along.

fighter<BR>You really are a good guy!<BR>I'd give my H a pill like that if it only lasted three minutes. I'd like him to feel it but I know he'd never make it three weeks.

Sick_inside,<BR>I Know EXACTLY how you feel, but No, like I say to my H, when he doesn't feel good or something goes wrong, "I wish it was me instead of you" he also says that to me. The other one also follows with, "I,m glad it is ME instead of you." <BR>Our Counselor asked my H, "how long have you been in mourning?" my H said, "since the beginning of my affair" the counselor then told him, "Almost Happy is just beginning" sooo, if there is truly love, you both suffer, so know that your W is suffering, IF she is truly sorry. I don't know your whole story, sounds a little complicated, sounds like you have a lot of work to do, but since you are here, you want it to work, you must still love her, you must want to help her get through this. I agree that we hate them as much as we love them right in the beginning, but that will change. TIME and work will make a difference. Keep posting, you will get help and HOPE here!!!!!!!<BR>Almost <P>--------<BR>TIME

There is a pill and I gave it to her 7 weeks after she gave me mine....... The problem is that I feel like a jerk. Now I have been on both sides of the tracks. Both sides suck!!!<P>I do however think the pain of betrayal is worse..... Especially when you weren't expecting it. <P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P>

Almost Happy<BR>She says "I'm so sorry I did this" and "I know how you must feel" but she can't really. But if I could just fix her up with a six week supply of pills she would have a then, maybe we could relate again on the same plane.

Rutger<BR>I considered that at first too. I'm in the Military and have had numerous opportunities, but there are children involved and despite what she has done or how I feel about it they deserve better than to have parents who are deliberately hurting each other.

S_i,<BR>I think instead of wanting to hurt her more by wanting her to feel your pain, let her feel your love, work on your marriage, go to counselling, I know this is SOOO hard for you, I Know How Bad YOU feel, it's almost impossible to move on right now, but put what little energy you have left into it. It's a bumpy road, but you can get there.<BR>Almost <P>--------TIME

dzrt,<P> <P>---------<BR>TIME

No, I don't wish this pain on anyone.

My first husband cheated on me. I cheated on my second husband. I'd much rather be a betrayed than betrayer. The guilt and shame I've experienced is much worse than the pain I experienced from my first husband (obviously, or I couldn't possibly have inflicted this on my second husband). The betrayed can also stand on their pedestal of moral superiority and will be seen as heroes no matter what happens to their marriage. In the long run, they are much better off.

I'd want him to experience the pain...just enough so he could remember it. <P>I don't think he can understand how it hurts. He sorry, we are in full recovery, but if he could feel the anguish, I think he would try even harder to assure me of his love and commitment. I think he would try even harder to make the changes in our relationship to make the best marriage possible. And I think the reason is if he could feel the complete anguish he would not it could not hurt so bad unless my feelings of love for him were equally intense...and I would want him to know that.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

No, I'd never want him to hurt the way I did. Well, maybe a little....maybe I agree with "Wasstubborn". I'd give it if the pain only lasted a few minutes.

Sick Inside -<P>No, I wouldn't use a pill for that kind of pain......come up with a pill for making them come back and face the problems in their life and fix them and I'd be the first in line for a lifetime supply!!!!<P>If your wife wants to try to rebuild - you are very fortunate.<P>Good luck and all things are possible..even understanding!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

This was a topic i duscussed in counseling today. I told my counselor I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, then I even said I wouldn't even wish it on the OW. Now I agree with Sheba if there was a pill to fix them and make them come back to face their responsibilities and fix what was wrong, I would be first in line or right behind Sheba.<P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

I agree with everything everyone else has said, but most especially Sheba.<P>I would not want my W to feel the pain I have. I honestly don't think she would be able to survive it, hell I have just barely survived it, and there haven't been a lot of things which have affected me in the past.<P>. . .No, I wouldn't use this pill if it existed.

I don't know. I used to think I wanted her to feel what I felt. Now I don't know anymore. I think I'm reaching a place where I'm not feeling it so much any more. And I want to forget what it was like. I probably just let the pills sit there with all the other pills.<P>--Wex

Well, I have to be a dissenter here....I wouldn't want it to last three weeks, a day or two would suffice. She seems to have no understanding of what this has done to me. She thinks that my behavior should have been just like it never happened. There are problems with the marriage, but she doesn't consider the infidelity to be one of them. She told OM the other night that she wanted it to happen(the infidelity) after he said to her that she was blaming herself for it.<P>I can't imagine anyone would knowingly inflict this pain on anyone, but it happens.

Heartpain<BR>My situation I'd guess is similar to yours. (But aren't they all)My wife says she did this because she was angry and I wasn't listening. Now she says she is sorry and assumes I should just act like nothing has happened. I would use that pill at least once just so she would understand why I just can't "get over it". She needs to really know the pain she has caused with her anger.

Sick_inside:<P>Our situations are similar....I have told her that I found her behavior unacceptable, that she should have issued and ultimatum based on the condition of the marriage(i.e., we have to work some things out or I am out of here..or something similar) rather than having sex with OM. She now claims that she DID do that which is totally false. She imagines that, I assume, to assuage a guilty conscience.<P>W also thinks that I should not behave as if the adultery happened. She has rationalized it(my word not hers), so I should also. She has absolutely no comprehension of how this has affected me(and doesn't seem to want to) and the longer this goes on, the angrier I get about it.