Hi all,
I’m in a concerning situation, and was hoping for insights from others who have more wisdom than I do today.
My fiancé and I met on e-harmony, and immediately felt a very strong connection to one another. We were originally introduced on April 2, 2006. We e-mailed for a couple of weeks and then met each other in on April 16. Although it wasn’t immediate “love at first sight”, we definitely knew that we were very compatible and wanted to spend as much time together as possible. We are both Christians, have similar professions, family values, interests, and personalities. Our relationship grew into an amazing friendship and romance, and has so many wonderful qualities. We challenge each other in areas where the other person is weak, we many strengths, and we care for one another unconditionally. Although VERY fast, we became engaged on July 11, 2006. We’ve been greatly supported by our friends, family, church family, and our pastor. We’ve been planning wedding for December 2006.
Last night, my fiancé disclosed to me that during an early May (2006) vacation, he had sex with an ex-girlfriend. Yes, he took this trip when we’d been dating for about 2-3 weeks, and I knew that he was going out to see her and spend time with her. The trip was planned and paid for, before he and I ever met. They had dated for about a year, and had been “just friends” for a second year. Before he left on this trip, he had informed me of the details of their former relationship, including the fact that they had been sexually active while dating. He PROMISED me that they were just friends, and that nothing would happen between them. He had my blessing to go on the trip, I thought he was trustworthy. He was gone for about 5 days, and when he came home he promised me that their friendship had remained platonic during this vacation. Unfortunately, after last night’s disclosure… I’ve learned that they had sex one time during the trip. He makes no excuses for it. He acknowledges responsibility for this, and has asked for my forgiveness. He no longer has contact with the ex-girlfriend, and has had no contact in over one month (they casually e-mailed every so often after he returned from the vacation; again I knew about the e-mails and the ongoing contact between them)
All in good time, we have our first pre-marital counseling session scheduled for this coming Monday night. He’s asking me if I still want to marry him, and if so… do I still want to marry him in December. Crazily… I think I do. I feel like forgiving him, but I don’t know WHY. I guess I just feel like this is what love is….. to go through the ups and downs together and to be together unconditionally. I’ve told him that I will not live my life as an enabler, letting him wander/explore/cheat --- and take him back. He assures me that in the early stages of our relationship, he did not know that he wanted to marry me, and did not have the overwhelming sense of commitment that he does now. He’s promised me that he has changed, and that he wants to have a Christ-centered honest marriage with me, which is why he disclosed this activity anyway.
I’m just confused. Am I being a fool? Am I already enabling? Is this unconditional love? Frankly… did he cheat, if we had only known each other for 3 weeks? Where do we (I) go from here? Any advice or follow-up questions are welcomed!
