Sorry for the cross posting but I was advised to place my posting in this section as there was more support here. Please follow the link and help if you can.

7 weeks in and need help PLEASE! Link from Recovery section.

Thank you.

You really should start with the infidelity FAQ's here on this site (Linked in my signature below)

Also purchase and read "Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs, Her Needs"

Read Harleys Basic concepts.

You are in the UK, (I am in Australia) so I would recommend you consider the Marriage Builders Home Study Course - you can order it on this site. It is excellent. Dr Harley also has a DVD that is excellent.

This is a bumpy road mate. Very bumpy. It's a rollercoaster. Your emotions will be all over the place. Your wife will be in withdrawal and frankly, withdrawal sucks for the BS.

Expect recovery to take at least 2 years.

Make sure your wife is maintaining NC. Everything hinges on NC. I cannot stress this strongly enough. Withdrawal will go on forever if there is any contact whatsoever.

Please also remember - your wife NEVER expected her affair to be discovered - that is why she planned another holiday for the 2 families - don't obsess about this. It's just the way it is.

If your wife in fact does commit to NC and commits to the M, your chances of recovery are excellent. You already have a jump start on most other BS's around here.

Oh. And let me say it again - ORDER the MB Home Study Audio Course - it's $195US. Worth every penny.

And if you can, get your wife to post here. With both of you keen to do everything you can to recover, it will make a huge difference.

I am so sorry for your pain. The fact that your wife deliberately chose to have a sexaual affair with your best friend and her best friend's husband says a great deal which is quite obvious. Has she apologized to her best friend? It does seem like the affair would still be continuing if she had not been caught. It also seems the husband decided to stay with his wife and cut it off with your wife. Your wife now realizes her mistake? I may be cynical but it sounds like you were the doorprize and if the OM had really wanted her she would have gone with him. Everything just seems so self-serving about her. I do hope you have insisted on the both of you being tested for STD's. This is just one of the consequences of affairs.

I also hope you are in counseling. This is essential so your wife can understand why she would deliberately engage in behavior that would destroy your self-esteem, destroy her friendship with her best friend, destroy your friendship with your best friend and of course put your health at risk for STD's. My guess from what you have written is that you love her so completely that she never saw this as putting her marriage at risk because she knew she could have an affair with your best friend behind your back and you would without hesitation forgave her. In fact, she probably felt she had nothing at risk. What have been the consequences to her actions? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change now and in the future. I think you have to make it clear that you are not a teddy bear that will accept such disrespect and humiliation now and in the future. If the roles had been reversed do you think your wife would have been so accepting and forgiving as you? It is clear that you wife had very little respect for you in order to engage in this behavior. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Something you can give too much because your wife has taken you for granted and apparently never felt at risk for screwing your best friend behind your back for a year. Again make it clear that there are consequences to her actions now and in the future and she should be made aware of what those consequences will be.
Read James Dobson's book Love Must Be Tough. I wish you luck.