I am a rookie poster so my threads pop up here and there but I'll give a brief history.

10/95 - started dating in college
6/01 - Married
9/01 - Moved (then lost friends in 9/11)
10/01 - WH's 1st EA affair #1 begins long distance
2/02 - Moved (to OW's town) I'm still unaware
4/02 - EA turns PA
WH picks up EA 2
Discovery of 1st EA
5/02 - Separated
6/02 - "Reconciled" w/o full disclosure
10/03 - DD #1
3/05 - DD #2
6/05 - Moved
9/05 - EA #3 begins
12/05 - Discussed inappropriateness of current EA
1/06 - Disclosure of 1st PA and #2 EA
(I believe he thought I'd leave and so he could
build EA #3)
2/06 - Began 'recovery' and Plan A but he still works with OW
5/06 - Divorce 'threats' begin
I enter IC
6/06 - Enter MC
7/23/06 - Moved to Plan B
7/24/06 - WH empties all bank accounts, steals my ID and checkbook (i'm a sahm)
7/25/06 - I see a lawyer. Legal/Financial safety
7/28/06 - Divorce papers served

WH currently has the kids for the weekend.

Now what?
I read and hear all the success stories from here.
But do I just accept it's over? Work on me?
I've cut all contact with him. We appear before the judge on Friday to re-establish boundaries.

Is having hope damaging to me?
Am I really sick thinking we could recover?
Do I write him off?
Any advice as for next steps?


Thanks.
Michelle

MCM

Sorry to see you in this sad situation <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Your WH does seem to be something of a [email]b@stard.[/email]

There is alway shope - there ar ecouples here who have reconciled even after divorce - but you need to get yourself and your kids to a place of stability and safety first.

The hearing may help you secure finances etc.

If your plan A was a good one, all I see for you after securing your finances is a very dark plan B. Please do not think that plan B is giving up on marriagebuilding. It is in fact teh process that works most often in pulling back a WS.

It also helps you to detach from the chaos and hurt your WH is causing.

So get to a financially secure position , study up plan B and do a very dark one.

Let your arsehat H see what life is like without you and when his affair fantasy becomes drudgery.

All blessings

ditto Bob.

I suggest you do the classic, walk softly, but carry a BIG stick.

WSs usually need to feel consequences before real revelation can occur.

Thus, instruct your attorney to prepare to bleed him dry, seek full custody of the kids, and make this all obvious. Instruct him/her to make it very clear to the judge that your H attempted to clean you out. At the same time, you profess your desire to rebuild your marriage. You do not want divorce and the only reason you filed was to secure your financial safety and the well being of your children.

You be a loving wife and let the attorney swing the stick.

Truth and consequences.

If this doesn't work, you'll be set up for the best divorce outcome you can reasonably expect. You will have done your best and can exit without guilt.

JMHO

WAT

mcm,

I feel for you ((((((hugs)))))))

I am somewhat in your situation. I too filed, not really because I wanted a D, but to protect our finances.

We go to court next week.

I too think like you. Is is sick to still hope? People tell me to move on, but it's so hard.

WH is living with OW. Exposure completed. I don't think it did a thing. Nothing's changed between them. OW just filed for D from her H, so I things might be getting serious with her and WH now. I think in a way I pushed WH to her. He figures he has no hope with me anymore cuz I filed, so he might as well go to her.

I am in a plan B so I just don't have to deal with WH. But I am going to go DARKER.

But honestly, does anyone think plan B will work? He's been living with her 3 months, they seem happy. I really think he is welcoming our D.

Hang in there mcm, my thoughts are with you...

Catgirl and MCM... I don't think plan B is a strategy meant to coax the WS back. You don't have control over him... they have to come to their realization on their own. IMO, Plan B is about protecting yourself, growing yourself, and learning to build a life without your S. The funny thing... while you are doing this, sometimes the S wakes up and realizes you didn't need him... you aren't the needy one... and remembers the reasons why they were with you in the first place.

Often, when someone is running, if you chase them, they will keep running. It is when they see that you are not chasing, and in fact going the other direction that they will sometimes stop and return.

Plan B will not work, IMO, if it is used as a strategy to lure your WS back... but while you are recovering yourself... sometimes this happens. It is sometimes your best shot.

My thoughts are with you both.

Shaden

So I picked the kids up tonight.

It seems they had a good time. That does make me happy.

WH bought diapers 2 sizes too small for our youngest.
It makes me see how long he has been distant.

When my 2 1/2 yo got in the car she said -
'Mommy where's Daddy?'
I said,'I don't know. Where do you think he is?'
She said,'He go at the Princeton like Grandfather.'
The Princeton is a bar. Seems she knows where to find him!

Re: Plan B as a tool to 'get them back'
I must confess that that is my wish. But I am thankful for the little blessings that it will bring me in starting a new healthier life.

I got an interview tomorrow (daycare is free!!!)
It's not exactly the track I saw myself on post SAHM but I'm going to check it out.

I had a nice weekend and induldged a lil with naps and taking care of things around the house that had been bothering me.

But I have to admit -
this is really hard. I walk by the window too often hoping his truck will pull up. I've blocked his email address but I still check it all day. I don't answer his calls but I check our voicemail to see if he left a msg.

This is not the path I chose.
I believe strongly in God. I don't believe this is his plan for our family. But I also know we can't go back. I don't want that for any of us.

I miss us.

Sad.
M

mcm,

Good luck with the interview tomorrow. Maybe it's a new beginning.

I do the same as you. Check my emails, hope he'll call. He doesn't do either, but I still hope. I of course don't answer as I'm in plan B, but just want to think that he's thinking of me. Yeah right!

This is not the path I chose either. I tell myself that everyday. It's not fair for WH to do this to us. We didn't ask for it. Then I start to feel sorry for myself, but I can't help it. I honored my vows, why couldn't he?????

I'm at the point where I've lost faith. Sad to say I've stopped going to church. I know I have to believe that God has a plan, maybe not the plan I want, but still I can't understand why.

Why does WH get what he wants?!

Michelle, I am sorry that you are going through this painful experience.


I think that deep down you know it is over and has been for a long time.


I also think that you should take stock and examine the real reasons why you are clinging to hope at this point because in light of his treatment of you-there must be reasons outside of him that make you think that there is still hope...

I am sure that more seasoned folks will be along shortly.

WH agreed to all immed. requests. (except a restraining order to keep him out of the house) His lawyer gave me an blatant slap for cutting off contact w/him when kids are involved.

I felt there was no need to appear before the judge today since the money was returned, security and balance have been established legally.

I did meet with the attny.
He says he has seen this happen before esp. when the WH wants the wife back. Attny. begged me not to go back with him and to continue with suit.

Wanna hear some fog talk????
My WH says he took the money b/c I have credit card problems. I DON'T HAVE ANY credit cards and haven't since we were married! And ironically all of our wedding $$ went to pay off his massive credit card debt so we could enter the M with a clean slate!

I am in a confused holding pattern. Plan B--lackout to continue til NC is established, confirmed steady. Agreement to both of us in IC.
I still believe thru lots of work its possible.
The sad side is WH isn't too good at that whole 'lot of work' stuff.

Am I sick to want to work it out? We have 2 beautiful daughters that deserve a loving family.

I'll take it a day at a time and see if he kills my love for him completely.

A loving family doesn't HAVE to have the biological father present to be a LOVING FAMILY.

There is nothing loving in your WH's words or actions.

Please think about this for a while before you give him a free or easy pass back into your life.

SD