|
|
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,262
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,262 |
An interesting day today...
Talked to D on the phone tonight. She's very worried about her mother...my STBXW.
Seems that the dentist's wife (she had a brief A with our dentist after we separated) emailed and posted topless pics of STBXW to many people and the internet.
Apparently, STBXW took them and emailed them to dentist. I have not seen them, and do not want to.
Youngest D said STBXW was drinking and hiding under the covers all weekend.
My feelings are not at all what I expected them to be. I thought I might find this "funny" or "fitting". But I don't.
I feel like I should fly home and "rescue" her. I feel bad for her and yet I still hurt to know that she's hurting. I feel like if I were there now that I would be holding her tight and assuring her things would be ok.
I suppose I still love her.
Over the past couple of months, she has dropped "hints" about us reconciling. I have been uninterested, but I feel that firmness of conviction softening.
Given all that has occurred, should I give it another shot? Could we have another chance?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 534
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 534 |
There's always a possibility Low.
As it's been said time and time again you'd need to see consistant long standing action as words mean nothing.
You are the only one to know if you really want to reconcile. You will always love her, at least a litle. Do you think you are softening because you want to rescue or are you seriously considering it?
Think long and hard if this is what you want to try.
Take care Low.
K
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,342
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,342 |
LOW, I just wrote to you on the JJ thread. You kind of hit a nerve with me with your post. But that is beside the point. Concerning your sitch! My initial thoughts are this. I wouldn't reconcile without lots of therapy. After everything you both went through your W immediately became an OW? That's pretty unhealthy! Plus the A she had that you never knew about which I think might have really effected your recovery with her. It seems like she has a lot of personal work to do within herself. If you both are up to the challenge I would say go for it. Just be aware of what it might take to really recover.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
oh loworbit... what would I say to you.... Here's what I think.... and you know what that's WORTH!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I still remember a blurb of a post of yours the one in which you spoke of your like of jazz music... and your wife's REFUSAL to go and sit next to you to hear it.... do you think your wife would gladly and happily go sit next to you so you could hear something you enjoy... that window in to your life made me sad.... CAN she cherish you low... because I do believe that YOU have the tools to cherish... that you fiercely desire to do so and be so... do you think she does low.. it's a deal breaker for me.... ARK
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Arkie hits a home run
YOU
deserve to be
cherished
not just
needed
Pep
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
the crowd goes wild!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! one out of 4,848 posts.... thats even better than the PITTSBURGH PIRATES!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> ARK
Last edited by ark^^; 07/31/06 09:57 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,262
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,262 |
I haven't been an angel since we separated either...I suppose just thinking about going back...I feel some guilt too...I know I'd have to tell her about all of that.
I have to think some more about. I'll call my oldest D tomorrow as well.
I want to call W ...but I fear if I do and hear her pain I'll be on a plane ....
Need to think
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093 |
Can you help her out without reconciling?
Can you be a friend to her, because you care about her?
My daughter's dad still after all these years would help me out of a jam and has on occasion. He would also lend a shoulder if one was needed.
You can be a friend without having to make a decision on reconciling, that kind of decision should not be on the front burner right now.
Rescuing is not a good way to start a brand new relationship which is what it would have to be.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
I haven't been an angel since we separated either...I suppose just thinking about going back...I feel some guilt too...I know I'd have to tell her about all of that.
I have to think some more about. I'll call my oldest D tomorrow as well.
I want to call W ...but I fear if I do and hear her pain I'll be on a plane ....
Need to think Low you haver never been an angel if being an angel is your reference point (I think that's stupid) but if it's your reference point, I'll respect that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,449
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,449 |
Seems that the dentist's wife (she had a brief A with our dentist after we separated) emailed and posted topless pics of STBXW to many people and the internet.
Apparently, STBXW took them and emailed them to dentist. Low, You cannot rescue your W. No one can rescue anyone else. We can only rescue ourselves. We cannot give anyway what we do not have either. Your wife cannot cherish YOU until she can cherish herself and if this is the type of stuff she`s pulling she does not think highly of herself. You can never say never but until your W can get her own ducks in a row she will not be suitable wife material. The best you can do for her right now is to support and encourage her in seeking professional help. You could not fix this before and you cannot fix this now. I am so sorry that your Ds know about all of this. YUCK!!!!
BS 42
WS 39
WH ONS 04/97 and EA ???-08/00
D-day for both 08/00
-Life is 10% what you make it...90% how you take it-
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,262
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,262 |
Can you help her out without reconciling?
Can you be a friend to her, because you care about her? I don't know if I can do this. I am a "fixer". If I go back and go into "fixer" mode, I'm not sure I can stay detached enough.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
WHO even thought low...was an ANGEL... who would have thunk that!!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> pep did you USE the word stupid in this post...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,262
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,262 |
CAN she cherish you low... I don't know...I don't think she can right now... There's a part of me that's thinking "Good...we get all of our mess out in the open...all cards on the table"...so we start with tabula rasa... A part of me thinks she CAN cherish me...as she has before... A part of me thinks that the playing field is now more level...that we could be equals again... I don't know
Last edited by LowOrbit; 07/31/06 10:48 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
A part of me thinks she CAN cherish me...as she has before... when was "before" ? Pep
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
low..
are you alone on the otherside of the world...
where american beer is now considered imported...
is it winter there??
ark
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,262
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,262 |
WHO even thought low...was an ANGEL... who would have thunk that!!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> pep did you USE the word stupid in this post... Well it has been a couple of millenia since I last smote anything...but sometimes fast food really gets to me... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
I donno .... seems to me that this immature behavior STBXW was drinking and hiding under the covers all weekend. might be a sign that she is mostly self-absorbed and self-absorbed women find it difficult to cherish someone other than herself I could be wrong Pep
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Forrest Gump taught me the meaning of stupid
Pep
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892 |
low,
I have rarely met a man that is immune to tears and the possibility of rescuing his "fair maiden".
This is of her own doing. Let her work it out and when she stabilizes, recheck her attitude and desires.
Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
179
guests, and
68
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,621
Posts2,323,490
Members71,963
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
