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Pep is right as usual!!
{So, do I get something for saying that, Pep?]
Standing in His Presence SIT DOWN !!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
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I think lows been going deep diving within....
I think low has learned great insight in to his choices...
BOTH positive and negative...
I also admire LOW...(even when he drives me crazy...for as much as sometimes even I want to villify the OP....)
he holds himself accountable....without shift blaming the OP....
and does not degrade the OP....born of HIS actions and choices...
very hard to read at times
very hard to even understand...you want to knee jerk in to good bad black white...etc...
but it is the most compassionate route...and a difficult stance to promote on these boards at times...
but he has learned great two-sided equal compassion....
again very Christ-like in his view....
very much so...
low may very well be THE ONE to save his wife....
and all of us need saving now and then....
here and there......
I think he has learned that each one in relationship has great power to create the relationship ...that it is a direct result of actions....
I just love talking about people when they aren't "here"..
anyone else not here....
to dish about...
ARK
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Susan's not here right now ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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Pep is right as usual!!
{So, do I get something for saying that, Pep?]
Standing in His Presence SIT DOWN !!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> "As you were"..."Sit down"....my drill sergeant wasnt this demanding. Sheessh! Standing in His Presence
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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I don't know none of that military talk...
I know
SIT
STAY
GOOD BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SPEAK
Mr. Ark is very well trained....
Last edited by ark^^; 08/01/06 11:06 AM.
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He is an amazing fella, that Low, and it would be grand if this is the beginning of the reparation of his marriage and family. Hey Ark, I am going to post a link on here someday, just like you did (as soon as I learn how) and it is going to be really cool! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Just letting you know in advance. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
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weaver... you can consult for a small fee with my six year old... as soon as he's done downloading and ordering some plutonium to power up his newest lego creation.... He KNOWS how to do ALL that.... here's my latest favorite... live DA BEARS ark
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Well that was interesting and would have been really cool if I could have viewed the "wildcam", but downloading realplayer at work would be a definite VIOLATION, so no can do or view.
We have little black bears around here, not brown bears (thank gawd because they seem a lot scarier).
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Low was so busy ~moving on~ with his life .... he steped ahead of his natural grief.
Sometimes, "moving on", is a euphemism for "running away". That is an interesting statement. I sometimes face the reverse. I "help" the ex when I can - partly because even after all she did, we DID have 17 years together. Mainly because of the kids. She will always be their mom. Is that stupid? I say this because people around my life who are NOT schooled in MB principles or have been through adultery always seem to comment "I do too much." Which is also interesting in that most don't REALLY know what I do or don't do. I get accused of "still loving her." And to an extent, I do. She was an important part of my life for 17 years. She has not owned what she has done, and because of that it would be foolish of me to take her back, or even want to. But why is it so wrong to remember the fond times? It is MY memory, darn it. Why focus on the pain? The penchant of people to provide an opinion in a situation that they have not experienced is amazing to me. Even more so, the indignation they feel when you disregard their opinion because you know they don't "know" what it's like. That's probably the greatest thing about this place. I can simply say "It's like ..." and not finish the sentence. And you all say "I know." And you do. Perhaps I am too callous. These people do care. But without the situational experience to draw on, it becomes very clear listening to them that they only "kinda know."
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NC,
I don't know if you know my sitch with my DD's dad or not, but due to his infidelity we went our own ways...it took every ounce I had to end it and let him go, as I loved him very much but wanted more for my DD and myself and thought he would never be able to be 100% faithful.
In an emergency he is still the first person there, even bailed me out of jail last summer (long story, doesn't matter) and he used to go over and pick my dad up off of the floor for me and put him to bed, he also sang and played the piano at my mom's funeral.
Why? because he loved me once, because we share a child, because when push comes to shove these things remain.
I'm so glad to hear you are there for her if she needs you to be, for all the reasons that matter.
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See! See!
You people "just know."
An act of kindness is just that. Why is there anything "extra" to read in it?
I guess there is ... I mean, if I was married and was kind to some other woman, would THAT be wrong? It would depend on what was done for her in the name of "kindness." For example: stopping to help her change a tire would probably fly with any spouse I might have. But if her family recently suffered a break in and her husband was away on a business trip, spending the night at her place because she was scared would probably NOT fly.
Consider the latter: if my hypothetical wife was in agreement, there would be those who said it was a bad idea and that my hypothetical wife would be stupid to let me do something like that.
Things are too darn complex. We have too much time to overanalyze I think. Or maybe I'm finally growing up and realizing that things are not so simple. But I'll fight it tooth and nail, I tell ya.
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A brief update...
I guess you could call the other night a sort of "meltdown"...I agree that it was likely "denied grief"...
I've taken a couple of days to get my head together.
I think I've decided to be open to reconciliation if W is...
I spoke with her yesterday for the first time months. She said she was ashamed and humiliated. She admitted and apologized for judging me as harshly as she had. She said her experience has led her to understand much of what I went through...
I asked her about the dentist...
She said she feels degraded and used. She says she knows she wasn't much more than a "booty call" for him...she thought it was more.
I asked her if it was over. She said yes...
She said a lot of things...things I'll reserve acceptance of...things driven by her pain and embarrassment.
I cannot go home without risking a breach of contract with serious repercussions, so I invited my W and daughters to visit me for a couple of weeks on my dime. W did not immediately accept...said she would think about it.
I have to admit...I'm wondering why I'm not feeling really hurt by her affair right now...
I'm feeling more sorry for her...protective...
Will this be one of those "delayed" things as well?
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Dear LowOrbit,
could it be that it's easier to communicate with your W now that she has "seen your side" of an A, so to speak?
Like you are no longer opposites, but equals?
Sorry if it sounds weird...
Just a thought..
I sincerely hope you'll be happy, you know.
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low.. can you just go away please... we much more like talking ABOUT you... than to YOU.... sheesh.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> AS IF I would ever be allowed to speak for the collective... someone better report me... OK..I'll be serious.. later... ARKie^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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LOW ... here's my honest opinion ... Mrs Orbit is now primed for marriage builders concepts. I think she could be receptive at this time.
Have you ever discussed MB concepts with her? Has she ever read the message board?
I think it would do her good to know she is not alone.
Furthermore, what about your daughters? I suggest you buy each of them copies of Harley's marriage books. Not the adultery books , per se, but the marriage books. They need a different model.
Hoping you are well today
Pep
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Low -
I've been thinking about your family and praying for you all. Everyone is allowed a meltdown now and then. It sounds like you are on an even keel again and ready to make good decisions.
It is probably easier for you to have compassion for your W since you know what it feels like to need to be forgiven. That's one good thing that comes from making mistakes.
God bless,
Rose
FWS-me
BS-H
Dday-8/2002
Recovering, still!
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Hi Low,
Today's Gospel says: Imitate the Lord's patience.
It's a good message for me, and I think it is for you too. I hope things work out, I really do. You deserve it.
cc
"Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
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I am sooo rooting for low....
do you have to feel anger low..
or can two adults come to a point where all the chaos is just that, chaos....
and you reach a point of no more....
and you focus on how to get where you want to
ARK^^
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do you have to feel anger low..
or can two adults come to a point where all the chaos is just that, chaos.... This is something to think about. Have you ever flown through a thunderstorm and eventually pop out above it? The plane bounces and jars and everyone is tense while in the storm, but it's interesting to pop out into the sunshine and look down on roiling violence... This feels like that...that if we both can find a way above this drama...that we can see each other in a new light...
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it's obvious you love her
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