I started IC about 8 weeks ago.

At the time I was feeling very broken and confused.
As health insurance goes, I had 2 options the first wouldn't take me for 3 weeks and the 2nd took me right away.

I was so relieved to have a counselor to talk to.
I have been seeing him 2x a week since then and feel we know each other pretty well.
He is a straight shooter and has really helped me build my esteem back up which I have needed now here comes the BUT...

But he makes me feel yucky at times.
My first red light is that he often bad mouths Catholism.
I have expressed to him that in light of turbulance I have doubts in my Faith. He takes this as a window to force his beliefs on me.

Secondly, counselor has asked me if my WH has concerns about me being attracted to him. He often asks how I describe him(IC) to husband.

Third - I am most hurt by my WH ability to form 'friendships' with women outside our marriage. My triggers and flashbacks include visions of WH & OW dates and outings not sex. My counselor often uses terms such as (sorry for the language) [censored], dirty ******, ******
Is this a form of 'therapy'? Is he trying to make me come to terms w/reality of sex? Or is he a perv?

I have filed for divorce to protect myself financially.
But counselor puts me down when I express my hope to stay married to a man who cheats and steals. He often tells me how this is better for the kids (I think in part to justify the fact that he and his wife divorced when his twins were 3.)

I have deep DEEP seeded issues with counselors.
My mom is a very poor example of a counselor and put us through too much as children.
I know in myself I have a tendancy to turn away from counselors when the therapy gets tough.

Can any shed light on this?
I am full of self doubt.
(which is so frustrating b/c i finally felt confidant in my M decisions)


I am at a point where I really need someone that I can trust. Do I pull out know and try to find someone better?
Am I creating drama where there is none?

M

MCM137,

Find a new IC immediately! That type of behavior in unacceptable. You might also want to report him.

Good Luck!

M,

Holy smokes...

RUN! Run far away from this IC!

I can't believe he asked you if your H has concerns about being attracted to him. That is completely unprofessional, not to mention unethical.

This happened to a friend of mine as well... her IC told her he wasn't sure if he could continue seeing her because he could tell she was "becoming attracted to him."

Pig.

I would go with your instint on this one. My instinct screamed bloody murder when I read your post.

Protect yourself and your sanity... you shouldn't feel "yucky" with your therapist.

I'm so, so sorry this has happened to you... after all you've been through! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

((MCM))

Therapists are expected to uphold the moral and legal standards of the community. Clients should be treated with dignity, respect, and fairness. What are your counselors credentials? Is he a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT)?

This is absolutely unprofessional, inappropriate behavior on the part of your counselor. He is supposed to maintain objectivity and not allow his personal beliefs let alone profanities regarding WH.

I would:

End the relationship
Terminate therapy
See another therapist
Consider reporting the action

Additionaly if your sessions are limited by insurance I would explain the situation to my insurance carrier to be able to get your visits waived and start from scratch.

just my opinion. I know there are attorneys and other medical professionals that can chime in...

OK -
I have called insurance to report him

I have found a new counselor

I need reassurance that it's not me and
No one else's counselor has crossed these lines

MCM,

Good for you! I'm VERY proud of you for reporting him.

My friend would not report her therapist... he was a graduate student trainee and should have been, so he wouldn't think he could get away with talking to women like that so early in his "career". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Will your insurance retro-activate your previous sessions?

I'm glad you got a new counselor... it's frustrating to start over, but you need to feel safe, especially given all you've gone through.

((MCM))

As if....

As if this isn't enough to deal with my lawyer says I screwed up in serving the papers and my legitimacy of showing just cause for immediate action may be revoked....

Seriously
at ropes end

Not true, not true at all! Counselors are human too! Just like teachers, physicians, priests, etc. They can succumb to temptation. It is selfish behavior and you did teh right thing.

Shortly after my divorce I was in IC 3x a week. I was a mess and needed to deal with my anger issues. I was seeing an attractive woman who was my age who was married. As time went on I noticed that I really looked forward to going. But when she asked me to dinner, "just as friends"...I knew better. I knew her for years in other capacities (a fellow board member on a charitable organization). I told her that I was looking her up and if there had ever been a complaint I would report her. There was none, so I let it go. I regret that somewhat now....I blamed myself!!

I do blame myself
and i doubt any relationship that i have made myself vulnerable.

how can i trust anyone?