As some of you know from the GQII side, I'm in the early stages of my D, just learning how to file, custody, division of assets, etc. I remember some sites that talk about D, but do you guys have favorite spots, things that helped you thru your D? I've got a lot to learn, and I want to do what's best for the children. Looking to protect my interests, without causing unnecessary pain that will result in more baggage for everyone down the road.

Thanks in advance. PS>>If you have any personal tid-bits of advice that you wish someone had given you in the early stage of your D, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE share. I want to avoid as many mistakes as possible.

Thank you thank you thank you!

A book titled, "Win Your Child Custody War," (about $80) was helpful. It covers every type of family situation from abusive and dysfunctional to normal, so you won't find depth for your own type of family.

However, it has lots of do's and don'ts and is good as a reference manual and self-check for preparedness.

Some advice in no particular order:
1. remove spouse from life insurance beneficiary lists
2. if you have joint savings/checking/investment accounts that you expect to be divided equally, then do it earlier rather than later
3. don't give away any of your parenting rights and time, change jobs if you must to show that you can care for your children
4. avoid court orders requiring you to support the other during litigation, try to get consent agreements. I don't know the exact differences, but the latter seems less binding. I'm in my 3rd year of divorce and luckily don't have to pay anything to my ex-wife because there aren't any court orders requiring it.
5. Divorce can be a very long process. Don't squabble over day-to-day issues with letters sent through the lawyers. It will be very expensive. Tell your attorney to focus on the 5 issues (assets, alimony, childcare, parenting time, and custody) that must be resolved and ignore everything else.
6. Organize all of your financial records. Use MS Money or Quicken to help you and continue to maintain it. You may have to prepare financial information several times depending upon the length of your divorce. I went to the extreme and scanned every financial statement, bill, receipt, paycheck, e-mail, voicemail, etc. and stored them on DVD.
7. Get a few 3" three-ring binders to save all correspondences and a locking file cabinet. After 2 years, I have about 4 binders.
8. Keep a daily journal noting your activities, interactions with spouse, relationship with children, etc.
9. Don't screw up at work. You will go through an emotional roller coaster depending upon the contentiousness of your divorce. You will need lots of time for your thoughts and feelings, and they will take time away from your work.
10. Give more attention to your children.
11. NEVER say anything bad about your spouse to your children. If your spouse does, then quickly correct the mis-information. This is where giving them lots of attention pays off. They will be able to distinguish the lies from the truth when they have a closeness with you.
12. Inventory your valuables with photographs and measurements (size and weight if applicable).
13. Inform your closest friends.
14. Inform family members who can help you financially and emotionally. You'll probably spend hours talking to them every week just to vent your frustrations or to share your ordeal.

hope they help...

Wow! That's a whole bunch of REALLY good info. It woulda taken me YEARS to garner all that. Thank you. BTW, I just realized, it probably DID take you years. Thank you again for spending the time to help me out. I will print this and read it daily.