You're divorced, a number of years now.

Your daughter is in a weeklong dance camp that culminates Friday afternoon in a "show" for her family.

Early in the week, you ask her if she wants you to call and invite her dad to see the show. Silence. "No." End of discussion.

Later, like the night before, she asks her stepdad if he will come and see her dance. He said he would try if he could ... he has to work and might not be able to get away.

Turned out he couldn't ... was on a job and filthy/sweaty by then. (Dad doesn't work during the day.)

She was disappointed that her stepdad couldn't make it. She did repeat one of the dances at home for all of us, as one of the songs was on a new CD she got this weekend.

She didn't want to take the CD to her dad's and show him the dance.

It wasn't, uh, improper in any way, she's 8 and the other girls were same age, nothing bootyshakin' or like that, very cute and upbeat. Fun.

Any clues why she would want her stepdad there and not want to invite her dad?

She is starting to say that she doesn't want to leave when it's time to go to her dad's ... and is way clingy all that day leading up to going. Parenting time is every other weekend during the school year, but alternating weeks in the summer. She seems okay when she comes back from there, other than needing a bit of detox time. (Big attitude problems.)

Hi buttercup - didn't you say that your ex and his mother like your son better??? your daughter is getting older maybe she is noticing it.. Or maybe your ex doesn't want her to dance and thinks she should play sports or something like that...

I get that from my 8 YO too, and I'm certain dad favors the younger one.
My DD invites everyone to her "shows" and dad even showed up at a recent one - which surprised me.

Perhaps she's nesting in the new family with Westley and has expectations of him that she doesn't have of her father.
Kids can see the limitations that we don't want to see (ie. Westley would go for her but her father wouldn't).

Grandma definitely has a preference for her grandsons (DD now has a younger boy cousin, that is golden like her older brother ... *sigh*)

As unfortunate as it is, she was blessed with a maturity for understanding beyond her years, and little talks we have along the way help her to see that Grandma doesn't do it to be mean, she was just raised that way and doesn't know any better.

DD does play sports ... she is a soccer diva ... but dad only made it to one game last season. (Makes it to all of DS's scout stuff though. Oh, she notices.) Unfortunately, Westley didn't make it to more than one game last season either. My mother makes it a point to come and see DD play soccer at least half of the season, since her other Grandma won't.

My mother is also like that - it is a boy thing - she will go to every baseball, basketball, hockey game for all of my nephews but it is torture for her to sit through a dance recital or go to a dance competition - it would never happen.. so what I do now is I just don't invite her to anything at all.. we are the only family with no boys all of my other siblings have sons and daughters - so my kids really see how they are ignored but at 13 and 16 - they really don't care anymore - I am at anything and everything and that is all that matters to them...