I have huge issues with this rage and anger and condemnation being directed at people who come here for help. Yes, they may be in a state of error. Most of them say they know that up front

BlackOpal, I can understand how you feel but hope that you can remember that this forum consists of the general population just like the real world. The ONE thing that most of this population has in common is a personal acquaintance with infidelity, other than that… it’s a mixed bag. I suppose it’s a little like having a customer service job, you get all types. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The purpose of this website is to educate people in achieving the skills necessary to not only to protect and nurture their marriages but also to recover if the marriage has been compromised. Obviously, that message is not always delivered gracefully in the forum portion of the site but that speaks more to the individual poster’s recovery position or personality than the message of MarriageBuilders itself.

Not many of us willingly converse with people we perceive as ill mannered but we all have a choice here. I know it’s hard to respond reasonably to posters who vividly insult you or others and it’s mindboggling to see the same posters later under the umbrella of Christianity but think of it this way… they’re not actually in your life. This is merely a discussion board.

I do personally appreciate the fact that when you saw something that you felt was wrong, you tried to right it, that is a great character quality! Others feel they are doing the same, but may have some poor communication habits to overcome.

In the MB discussion process, people can gain effective communication skills but it takes time, more time for some than others. Responding to those with poor reading/listening skills or outright rudeness with patience and forbearance is difficult but if you can master it in written form, you’ll even reap the benefits in real life.

There are always going to be those who need to learn how to communicate in a way that addresses erroneous thinking or acts but doesn’t tear the individual down as a person. In fact, it may be essential for them to learn this if their own marriage is to thrive let alone survive. MB covers all of this but again…it takes time for people to absorb the information.

It’s a process and if you stick around long enough, you’ll figure out who’s flying by the seat of their pants and who is actually implementing MB concepts in their lives because it shows over time. It’s entirely up to you how you respond to each type but if you read the articles on the site, dig in and study the books His Needs/Her Needs and Surviving an Affair (if applicable) by Dr. Harley, you’ll find it easier to navigate the tricky communication waters here. Funny thing…. if you do stick around long enough, you may be delighted to find some on your ignore list over the years have grown into people that you can admire! Hope you do, (stick around) KB

KB- Thank you!

Knewbetter, I am glad you started this thread.

Forebearance is a BEAUTIFUL Bible word that we
don't see very often or use often enough in our lives.

I think we MUST remember when a person first comes here they feel so alone and scared with a group of people that already know one another. They don't know what to say or how to act.

They don't realize if they unburden their heart and reveal their very inner hurting feelings of despair that someone might come back with an 'attack' and tell them they should not be feeling that way or saying that.

I wanted to say something to BlackOpal but didn't know how to get the message delivered to her.

BlackOpal, I read on another thread that someone said it was your fault the justjilly thread was locked.

I did not feel that way whatsoever, there were just too many mean spirited words flying back and forth from a lot of people.

Knewbetter, I also thought Black Opal's posts had some
very valid insight. (I can't seem to nickname her BO..lol)

Oh, here she goes again trying to fan some more flames from a locked thread. Why are you FOREVER trying to dredge up dead arguments, IWRA?

ML... are they really worth the words at this point... at least she deleted the direct reference to you. But really... are they worth the effort?

***********edit*****************

********************edit**********

**************EDIT************

IRWA...

Perhaps this is a bit off topic, but I have been reading your old posts and haven't been able to find where you have told your husband about your affair...Would you mind providing a link to that? I would very much like to read it, and I'm certain that others would be helped by it... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks so much,

Mrs. W

****************EDIT***************

Mrs. W,

Shame, shame. You know the Bible says "He who is without sin may cast the first stone..."

...

Woops. Scratch that. You DID come clean, didn't you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Cast away. I have to go back to that "My Home" page of the site. I'd swear that there was a "Character Optional" check box that I could clear to make all this more understandable.

Melody,

You know, love you or hate you, the one thing that conclusively be said about you is you are consistent.

Me. I'll take consistent every time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

NCWalker

******************EDIT****************

Please stop.

All it takes for evil to flourish in the world is for good men to do nothing : Edmund Burke

Hi Justuss! Been busy lately??? LOL

Love,
Jo

Hey,
how come Some RATE a large ****EDIT**** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />,
While others only rate a smalll ***edit***? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

What's up with that? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Sorry KB,
I know you had real good intentions. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Nice to see you back some though.
For awhile hadn't seen you Posting at all,
and wondered (to self) if you'd bailed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi Top,

I have yet to experience the pleasure of being edited. But if ever I did I'd be sure to make it worth an "EDIT" as opposed to an "edit". As I always say "If ya gotta go, go BIG".

Jo

KB, just wanted to say that I appreciate you took the time to post to me. Thank you.

Yikes, what happened????? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Top….hey, it’s really good to see you too, hope all is well with you and yours. Bailed? No, not entirely I guess…but what was I doing here today? I felt like I did nothing but talk into the wind but then I decided to take a look at Opal’s first thread here. (((Opal)))

Opal, I’m SO glad that you had a chance to coach with the Harleys for a while. I only got as far as your EN board posts but that did a lot to explain you standing up for an underdog. Try to conserve your emotional energy for your marriage; unless things have changed you’ll need every single bit of it! I was heartened to see that you’ve had some good talks here on MB anyway, somehow that makes me feel a whole lot better. You hang in there girl okay?

Top, you know it’s really weird coming back after time away and seeing so many new names and old situations…my H used to be right here with me even though he never posted. It was sort of our thing together but now he’s not that interested and I’m not sure I should be here if he’s not into it. Dunno….he doesn’t care and I care too much, does that make sense? Low’s post in particular really, really touched me today. I forgot I was wearing non- waterproof mascara and looked like h*** , didn’t realize it. Embarrassing. I am really hoping everything works out. I suppose I’ll have to pop in more often to see if it does. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />