I'm waiting for the stuff to hit the fan. Expecting tomorrow or Thursday. CO is supportive of me and my wishes. But things are about to get REALLY ugly. And I'm terrified.

here is my original post and replies to it:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...page=0&vc=1

The last post is my in-progress Plan B letter. Please let me know what I can or should change.

I posted on your other thread.

L.

Good job, Lady.

I'll have a look at your Plan B letter when I get a chance, but Orchid's input is probably right on.

OK, about exposing to OW's H: when you get to this, which I recommend as soon as possible, hold off volunteering copies of the e-mails since the CO didn't ask for them. Just tell him you've been to the CO and he's on the trail. Thus, maybe you can preserve your source for awhile to monitor to e-mail traffic - maybe even from Iraq.

Also, I suggest you NOT have a bag packed and ready for your H. Let him make this decision without your help.

WAT

will, please listen to WAT, he is exactly right. [WAT, you are most excellent!] I would call the OW's H TODAY so that this exposure comes down like a TSUNAMI that the affair can't survive. The crackheads are going to be furious that you turned on the lights in crack house [exposure to CO] anyway, so you may as well get your money's worth for a MAXIMUM IMPACT.

If you give her time to recover form the exposure at work, then she can easily forewarn her H about some "some jealous nut who thinks I am boinking her husband" and then your credibility is SHOT. So, CALL HIM NOW and get him in on this lest you risk losing this leverage to a pre-emption.

When your H attacks you for exposing him, stay calm and simply tell him that you love him and will do what it takes to save your marriage from his affair. Smile sweetly. If he asks for "proof" tell him you don't need to prove what they both know and will not give away your source.

Be braced for fury, but just know that it will blow over and, most of all, IT WILL BE WORTH IT!


Also agree with WAT that you should put the Plan B letter away. That is way into the future.

Good job on exposure to the CO!

I am still without the OW's H's phone number. I've been exhausting sources... but so far nothing. As SOON as I have it, I am calling. He lives out of state, but visits her often.

I will edit and reduce the size of the Plan B letter. That was just the first draft. Do I hand it tohim, mail it? send it via a friend?

will, do you know what state? Have you looked on www.zabasearch or www.peoplefinder.com? Have you tried calling her house to see if he answers? You can disguise your caller ID.

will, it might be very premature to think about Plan B. You have a 10 ton gorilla to deal with today that takes precendence over a Plan that is way down the road.

Do you know if the ow's H is in the military? If so you can find him on AKO if he has an account-which most soldiers do. If you need help with that, let me know.

I am so glad you exposed them! I was worried for you.

Do know that it can go the other direction just as someone else said, he could do a complete turn around. I was shocked at the reaction from my H, he was a different person (the best I had ever seen) after the lid was blown off his A. I hope that is the way it goes for you.

I agree with the others, step back and see where this goes. Your H KNOWS you love him, he knows you want to stay in the marriage. The ball is now in his hands. I wouldn't let him know about you seeing the emails either, keep that to yourself as long as you possibly can.

Take care of you and try to make yourself step back and remain as calm as possible. Even if you H is raving mad at the exposure you did what you had to do to try and save your marriage. Hopefully he will see how hard this has been for you and what a scary step it was to expose him.

My thoughts are with you!

THanks... I expect him to really blow a gasket. I have a friend on standby that will come over at a moment's notice once I get the call from his CO that they are in the meeting.

As for OW's H, I spoke to a friend and she thinks that he may have a different last name. I don't know. He's out of the military, so no go on the AKO. No real need anyway. BUT, I've done the people searches and he's not listed. I've found a number, but no one answers. He's not at her place because he's working in the other state permanently. I'm working on trying to find out his name and number (and have another friend who can find it, a little better than my current resources) and as SOON as I get it, I WILL tell him. Even at the risk that it leaves HER wide open for WH to go to.

But, now that I've exposed to CO, that last thought absolutely ISN'T an option. :-)

Did the CO elude to what he plans to do...besides meeting with your husband? will he order your husband to stay away from OW?

Standing in His Presence

I haven't seen this mentioned in your previous posts, but make sure you have copies of all your proof and give them to someone to keep safe. He can destroy the computer and any copies you might have in the house. Even if it means mailing them out to someone just so it's away from him to destroy.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Maybe you were not the perfect wife but he sure as ****** wasn't the ideal husband. Instead of talking to you about it, he went to someone else (twice). I hope this works out the way you want.

((hugs))

Roxane

Yes, CO will give a direct order to cease contact, any contact. CO was wonderful and is keeping me entirely in the loop. I couldn't ask for more! :-) He will let me know ASAP what his full plans are for disciplinary action. Right now, he's doing a little research to make sure he does this RIGHT and can keep it locally. He's been super and I appreciate his honesty with how he's handling it.

Sheetrock: yes, I have about 3 copies of EVERYTHING in 3 different places, including one being a friend who lives on the other side of the US!!

"In local news, a Mother of 3 is questioned for sending pornography across state lines using the US mail. The owner of the alleged vajayjay is being sought."

Use a brown wrapper?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
WAT

Wishing you strength for the upcoming storm.

BIG question: tonight, if WH wants to stay, do I let him? I believe he will still be FURIOUS. And I do not know if I will be in any danger. Honestly. But I have some bags in the car JUST IN CASE.

I say yes.

You're still in Plan A.

Besides, you can't make him leave.

If he threatens to leave, you calmly respond that you'd prefer he stay to work on your marriage.

Absolutely NO begging, pleading, groveling. I sense you won't have a problem with this part.

WAT
-----------------
I eat crabs.

will,

I say if he wants to stay.....let him. The fury surrounding exposure is usually short-lived. Here's your reply "Baby, if you thought I was the kind of woman who would sit back and let another woman steal my husband....you picked the wrong gal! Make no mistake....I'm going to fight for this marriage and fight to end this affair. Your anger is not going to scare me off because my love is stronger than my fear."

WAT is correct. But if you do feel in danger, dont stay. If he is threatening or abusive and you think your safety is jeopardized, then just get out for the evening and let things cool down.

Otherwise, just let him steam for the evening!! He'll get over it. But I am certain he wont get over it tonight!

the bags in the car is just for me and the boys in the event that I feel in danger. If he comes home drunk... then I WILL leave for the night. I do NOT trust him in that state of mind and angry.

If he comes home drunk, ever, that should be your second boundary item. 1) No contact 2)No more drinking

Alcohol and men away from their wives are just ridiculous mixes.

will, don't leave your home. If he is causing you harm, call the police, but you and the kids DON'T LEAVE. He is the one having an affair so HE leaves.

Did you get ahold of the OWH?