Tell the CO.

I know it's hard. I know you're afraid of the court martial. Right now, you have a very strong ally in the CO. This email is proof that he has no intention of ceasing contact despite a direct order from his CO. If you don't let the CO know about this now -- and he contacts her in the future, it's going to be just as bad, if not worse.

Also, if you bring this email up later (instead of immediately) it's likely to make the CO feel as though you aren't cooperating with him.

Do the right thing. Let your H feel the consequences of both his betrayal to you and his unwillingness to obey a direct order from his command.

Stay strong! You can do this!

Mys

Also, assume that he'll figure out the email thing and get another way to contact her. Get a keylogger so you can capture any other email accounts that he sets up.

Give the CO the password to the email account if he wants to check on your husband to make sure there is no contact.

Yes, take the email to the CO TODAY. Your H still believes he can carry on this affair unimpeded and if you don't disabuse him of this notion quickly, this will all be for NAUGHT.

You did good, will. Your H is saying all the same things every WS says when you remove the crack pipe. Don't let it bother you, just stick to your course until you have this affair effectively BUSTED UP. Stick to the course and you will be fine! GOOD JOB!

Don't let up while you have the affair on the ropes!

I agree with the others - give the latest e-mail messge to the CO.

Whether he's doing it on purpose or by accident, this CO is very savy. Didn't reveal his sources and is letting your H hang himself.

I'm not surprised your H reacted like this as opposed to heroswife's H. This is your H's second affair - that you know of. He was more apt to be defiant and hunker down in fortress mentality than experience the wake up call.

This doesn't mean he won't wake up - just that stronger doses may be needed. Giving the CO the latest e-mail may lead to the next dose. Please be watchful for a response from OW - if she responds she's violating an order as well and obviously needs a dosage increase. Give this to the CO as well.

Any luck with OW's H?

Stay strong, we're with you.

WAT

I have a different take. I say hold that particular email for a few days and see what he does. If that was just a "goodbye" email, then things can move forward here hopefully in a positive direction. But, as we all know happens...if it was just a "please hold on...I will work thsi out for us"...then he WILL contact her again. And they will carry on the relationship in what they think is a secret environment!

Being a former IG in the military, I think the better impact would be to have several emails that almost assuredly will come over the next few days (and you want to give the OW a chance to screw up here too!!) and then pass the bunch to the CO. It will be very damning AND it will drive a stake into the heart of the affair.

I believe that everyone is correct and this should go to the CO. but, I believe I would give him and the OW a little more rope before doing it.

WillSurvive...this is the BEST route for your marriage!! Unlike most WSs on here, yours is in the military and he can be ordered to stop. Which will begin the withdrawal phase of this. Which will then give your marriage a chance of surviving. So, exposure is huge. Make sure others are exposed as well (the usual list...his parents, her parents, her spouse if she is married, etc). Do that NOW.

But my 2 cents is to hold back a couple of days...Maybe until the first of the week and let the OW and your WH sink a little deeper. Then you give to CO and slam this affair hard!!

I'm with Mortarman on this. Alternately, you could forward the email to the CO now and ask him to wait a few days before taking action. My fear is that if this email produces an immediate response, it'll give away your intel source.

If she forwards it to the CO now, he will HAVE TO do something now! if he doesnt, then he could get in trouble. dont put this CO in a bad place here. It sounds like he is a good officer.

Just stand by until the first of the week.

I didn't know that. OK, then I'm completely with MM on waiting a few days. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I agree stronly with Mortorman. Wait a couple of days- let her respond as well. Then give him the e-mails from both of them. If you turn it over immediately, it will be obvious what your source is.

I am holding the email for now. The email was mostly a goodbye letter... but the kind you'd still expect. He hopes that she "does the right thing, I told her I want a divorce, I love you, I hope that I can always know where you are if I am ever alone..." that he can never forgive me for what I've done and that can't make for a good life together.

I'm going to wait a week or two. He still is unaware that I know of the acct. I'm going to regularly check the email (and have a friend check for me in the middle of the night, since that was when they would contact) and delete ANY emails from HER after forwarding them to MY email. I'm simply going to withhold the drug from the source. I'm protecting MY HUSBAND from her.

I know that it may come out that they may see each other physically and that she will say, "did you get my emails". But if it gets to THAT point, it's a done deal anyway.

So, for now. No, I'm not going to the CO. I'm going to first give him a chance to start getting over her and see if he CAN make those steps, even though he doesn't want to. He's been forced to.

As for OW's H. Here's what will be happening. She will NOT be promoting on Monday. Her H will be in town for the ceremony, but CO will inform H of the A at that time instead. Then, OW will be out of sq permanently. I believe she is NOW. But things are being kept quiet until things can die down. But the sq is small enough that people can figure it out.

AND:::

A#1 OW was called on her part too. She immediately started calling WH. He wouldn't answer the cell. But I did while he was outside. I then called the CO who said he was going to call A#1 OW at home.

SO.... HA!!!

I feel liberated. VERY sad. Heartbroken. Confident that I did the RIGHT thing, although WH is convinced that I have done the worst thing for his career AND if I wanted any chance to reconcile. I don't believe it. But it still hurts.

Thank you MBers!! I couldn't have made it through without you.

Your husband's CO is a good man! A good officer. I am proud to have served in an Army with such men.

Fog.

willsurvive- you are awesome! And don't worry about the "just exposed spouse babble" It is textbook behavior. Stay strong-I am sitting here amazed at your courage and strength in such terrible circumstances.

I don't fully agree with withholding the latest e-mails from the CO, but this isn't a big difference. I just get nervous when we try to get too sophisticated with our strategies, that's all. I default to "keep it simple stupid". Maybe because it fits me better. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Did you have an agreement with the CO for evidence of further contact? Would he assume you would immediately be forthcoming with more if it occurred?


Be aware that this is right from the WS script. Scapegoating the BS for "what they've done". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> DO NOT dwell on this - 100% normal for WSs that don't immediately wake up - which is the vast majority of them.

You are a strong woman. Many BSs wring their hands about exposure and miss opportunities. Good work.

WAT
--------------------
I eat crabs.

I ditto this remark!!

You do not have to wear a uniform to have honor and bravery.

WAT,

The only reason I said wait a few days is that I KNOW and you do too...that the OW will try to contact. And unlike in the civilian world, if she goes to the CO right now with just his email...only her husband will get in trouble. the CO will not have a choice but to move forward with a court martial or Article 15 (because now her husband will be guilty of disobeying a direct order and conduct unbecoming!!).

I'm all for OPs getting slammed!!

If she has an agreement, she can jsut say that she was shut down from the computer until Tuesday and just found it. Or whatever.

As I said, since this is a military environment...how this is done is a little mroe touchy. There are jail sentences involved here if things get out of control!!

I sure don't FEEL strong. I feel so weak-willed. That I feel like a tattletale. That's basically how I was treated by WH. I know this is typical, but wow... it hurts.

There was no verbal agreement concerning the conditions I would give any contact, but they know that I am monitoring him. They know HOW I am doing it, too. But they have not said, "Give me any evidence as soon as you get it".

So, I'm going to give him a little rope. If he choose to pull himself OUT of the hole, then GREAT. If he chooses to hang himself with it, it will no longer be my concern and I will give any further emails to CO.

WillSurvive,

Heros will tell you that they are not heros. That is one of the first marks of a TRUE hero. How many times have you watched TV and seen a WWII vet say "I'm no hero...I just did my job. Anyone would have done it." And of course, we know...not anyone would have done it!! That's why we regard them as heros.

What you did took guts. Many BSs never get up the nerve to do this. Or they wait too long and make it impossible to save their marriage.

Being a hero doesnt mean you arent scared...that you dont second guess yourself.

A hero means that you do the right thing IN SPITE of all of that!

Fair enough. Make the right descion for you!

I just wanted to suggest that an alternate benefit from telling the CO immediately, and before the OW has a chance to respond to your H, is that maybe the CO can spin it so it looks like she (the OW) told him about the contact (to save her own butt). Wouldn't that throw a little kink in the works?

It's probably too far fetched, but that's the way my mind works. Something to consider, anyway.

Waiting a few days and gathering more evidence probably won't make a huge difference though as WAT said, there's something so elegant about the blitzkrieg approach. Besides that, he's all ready mad.. .this just means he can get glad sooner.

Above all, take care of yourself. Can you do something relaxing to soothe your stress today?

Mys