Good to know that you "get it." Keep up the good work!!

Well, well, well.

You two are not ones for stretching out the drama, huh? Not hardly time for a few commercials. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Seriously, I agree with the others. Be cautious.

This kills me - How can you not laugh out loud at that nonsense?

Sheese.

And some folks doubt the Mothership exists? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Be aware that MC with any bit of fog hanging around is almost certainly a waste of $$. Almost certainly. Suggest you go, see what happens, and report back. Two HUGE variables - your H's sincereity and the MC's capability. More on this later.

Good work. Plan A, Plan A, Plan A.

WAT

will,

Breakthroughs are not a seminal event but a slow, CONSISTENT progress in your M.

My 2 cents....He will see ANY backpedaling on ANY position that you have taken before to be both a sign of weakness and a sign that he still has his hook in you. Give him those signs and he will be merciless on the next go round.

Plan A your spouse and Plan B your WS

You are doing so well!

I tried to say you are doing well Will, which sounded funny...so then I was going to say you are doing so well WS (using your initials) and OMG that sounded even funnier!

So glad he's not pulling the wool over your eyes. Keep doing what you're doing. It will be very telling if he doesn't reveal his secret e-mail account. Keep on monitoring it.

Have you read Ark's lighthouse post? Thats a good one for you right now. Be the calm in the storm. He's going to be spinning in circles for a while.

Also read up on withdrawal. He's on the verge of losing his drug, and its going to take a while to get it out of his system.

Ooo Ooo Ooo!

I completely missed that nugget.

If he doesn't include the secret account you already know about, BIG TIME indicator of his truthiness.

I agree with Lexxy - don't ask about it and keep monitoring it.

WAT

Isnt it AWESOME when the BS gains the upperhand. And that almost always happens right after exposure.

These people are correct. Dont lose momentum. Hold your ground.

MM,

You are right OW needs to hang too!

I like the new phrase on you sig about changing seats, makes sense doesn't it?

Have a great day!

Surviver....

Very proud of you. Swift kick, it threw them for a loop and then another loop. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I am sitting here grinning from ear to ear.....well not like the joker or anything but feeling quite giddy right now.

It is exhilarating to see the A take one in the gut.

Now I will tell you t/b cautious. It is the WS still talking so be careful.

When caught the WS (who has no loyalty) will try to change sides, just to be able to keep the A alive. So expect him to have sweet words. Your job will be to sit back and let him do the work, not just babble.

Ex:

BS: I am sorry I screw up. I will go to MC, just don't call OW's H and the Co. Did u hire a PI to follow me? I hate you.

All of that in the same sentence. It's babble because it is sooo conflicting. He is not even changing to being your H, it is the evil side of the WS trying to lure you into a sense of security. What is really is a trap.

How to test this out?

BS: Oh...really? Ok well we will see.

Cool and collected. Then watch the Ws' next reaction.

WS: What? u don't trust me? Why not? I love you. I always have. If you don't trust me, that means you don't love me. How could you?

Bingo!! Proof he is still a WS. Here's a BS' response:

BS: Do I love you as a WS? Nope. I love my H. What did you do with him?

WS: Ughhhh..... I don't know what you mean.

BS: You have taken the haert of my H and replaced it with a n evil twin. Now go find my H before I lose what little love I have left. (then walk away).

All the drama. You will feel you earned an academy award!!! LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

I think this is a good idea to hold them and collect the evidence if more comes in.

One hesitation here is you should guard your inside source, if your WH discovers his line of communication w/ the OW is compromised, they'll find another way to talk. I think you should leave them and see if he fesses up to any contact (hard to keep a source a secret when you know your WS is lying, I know.)


Awesome! I feel bad for her H but he needs to know.

Like the others have said, you're doing great, the tough road isn't the shortest.

V/r,
No Way

Keep MarriageBuilders to yourself for now (the forum that is...)

Likely, he's talking to you this weekend. Avoid the temptation to share this site -- you need it for your strategies. Don't try to educate him. Avoid relationship talks right now.

He's either in one of two modes: One -- he's in withdrawal, and missing her and feeling sorry for himself. He's just not going to be receptive to you or your feelings until he "gets over himself."
Two -- he's in affair survival and protection mode. He may be trying to find new ways to conduct his affair and protect it from discovery. If his loyalty is to this other relationship, he will probably be doing a lot of separation or divorce thinking and planning. Just let it all rumble through his head -- no need for you to participate in any of it.

Does OW have any idea whats coming at her on Monday?
Any e-mails or contact coming through?

What rank is your husband? I think he will lose a stripe over this.

WH sent the email, but she has not replied back. But I'm still watching. He's been checking the email all the time. Thankfully, the orders have scared her.

After things came out, he was REALLY mad. He is accusing me of all this coming out, that it's MY fault, yadda yadda. How could I do this to HIM. How could I destroy his career. How he doesn't want to be around me.

typical.

I've told him that I love him. That everything I did was because I wanted to keep our family together. That I still want him to be in the military. I did NOT seek to take away his career, although he may feel like it right now.

He also knows about me telling his parents. WOW. He was beyond angry then. He told me how much that it wasn't my right to tell them. How did I tell them. Did they know that I was going to CO. I told him the truth. That I told them because I wanted them to understand WHY I was doing what I was doing, and that it wasn't out of hate and that I was trying to save my marriage and that I still loved WH. They both understood.

I'm having a hard time right now... just feel so alone. I see the man in my home and want to hold him and make it all go away. And he doesn't even want me near him. He says he still loves me. But that what I've done is worse than what he did. That he understands why I felt I had to do what I did... but that there were other ways to do it.

Oh... and he told me that the "last time" they were together SHE told HIM that "we shouldn't do this anymore". And did I know how CLOSE I was to getting him back??? BAH. He would have still continued, and I know it.

I've told him the proof that I have is that a PI did some investigating and got pics for me (for free as a favor to a friend). Not true, but at least he thinks that I have some substantial proof... But in reality what I have is so much worse (which is TRUE). He doesn't know about that....

He hasn't given me access to the secret acct. I'll just have to wait and see when and if he does.

ws, it is always darkest before the dawn! Hang tight and don't let him get you down. What is happening is HARD, but it is a GOOD THING. What you have done is tantamount to taking the crack pipe away from a crack head. With that act, healing CAN BEGIN. But intially, the crackhead is FURIOUS.

Don't let it get you down. We are here for you!

Next time he wants to talk about what *you* did, start turning the tables. Fog babble back to him with "All I have done is TALK about the situation YOU have put us in with YOUR actions...."

Plan A does not mean mean you can't stick up for yourself or that you have to accept his nonsense...

Hang in there!

Hi Lady - you're doing very well.

Such as?

I'd love to hear what he thinks the other ways were.

Whadoyawannabet that it somehow involves ratting only on the OW and not him? That would be consistent with fog bound, selfish WS thinking - recognizing that frequently, the WS is using the OP as their useful idiot.


Maybe the first big mistake you've made.

You don't need to make up stuff. It'll come back to haunt you when he finds out - which he will - and even in recovery, he'll use this dishonesty against you.

Don't do this anymore.

JMHO

WAT

Excellent job on recognizing that. He's trying to sow some doubts in your mind.

After the exposure bomb goes off, WS's are suddenly experts on alternate marriage saving techniques. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Maybe the first big mistake you've made.

You don't need to make up stuff. It'll come back to haunt you when he finds out - which he will - and even in recovery, he'll use this dishonesty against you.

Don't do this anymore.

JMHO

WAT [/quote]

I figured that I'd goofed. He's already using my "dishonesty" about telling CO and stuff against me. Really sucks. But I think his rational mind and irrational side are battling.... half of him knows that I did the only thing I could. The other half is sooooo angry at me and he's reacting the same way I did (well, just reacting) emotionally when I first found out. HE feels betrayed... oh the irony.

Another thing: the CO ended up having to tell the entire sq about what had happened. Several people had seen OW being escorted out of the building AND SO MANY people already knew about A... he was forced to address it at meeting where the entire company was present. WH was not allowed to be in said meeting, but I was made aware of the content from a friend. I know that the only reason CO would have been forced to do that was because it was more widespread knowledge than we originally realized or hoped. (sigh(

WH is accusing ME of destroying HIS integrity. I know that I was only protecting him... and his career... but that ANYTHING that happens is really HIS own doing.

Man. I really hate this.

But I look at my children and know that what I am fighting for is WORTH IT.

Unfortunately, he managed to do that all by himself by having an affair. There is nothing you could have done that would have hurt his integrity as bad as that. He violated his vows to his marriage, his oath to the Army all by HIMSELF. HE DID THAT, not you. When he says that, just reply "I know, I am so sorry you ruined your integrity with an affair."


What does he say you are "dishonest" about?

you don't have to accept his statements. You can fight back. Just like Melody said -- HE destroyed his integrity, not you. You don't have to sit back and accept his ramblings. What was your response to that?

What was the content of the meeting? Did WH hear about it from you or co-workers?

Plan A is not being a doormat -- stick up for yourself and feel proud of your actions!

YOU DESTROYED HIS INTEGRITY? hello....you are listening to the lies of the affair alien!

Listen honey...what he's doing is the oldest trick in the WS handbook...it's the spin and blame.

My xh used to use it all the time on me. YOU made me do X.

That's the gist of it. YOU caused X to happen to ME. NO. HE CAUSED HIS INTEGRITY TO CRUMBLE.

I love it that the CO exposed to the WHOLE group of soldiers! how's that for peer pressure! and seeing the ow being taken away? PRICELESS.

I wish we could see all the OW out there (and the few remaining who surf here and read too)taken away by officers! ****** it should be against the law. Military law is good by me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

But do not listen to him. He is STILL A WS. And his words are lies right now. He is angry his affair toy is removed from his toybox ok? He's angry....like a 3 year old. And not making much sense imho....

HE SHOULD BE THANKFUL YOU HAVEN'T STARTED DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS AGAINST HIM!

And never reveal your hand. Never! Keep all the WS secrets to yourself should you need that aresenal of info one day in future should he relapse.

However...HE IS NOT RECOVERING YET. far from it. The lack of revealing the secret email account is proof. I am with the other posters here. Install keylogger software NOW so when their affair goes further underground, you will know and remember...

DON'T BE AFRAID TO USE THE "STICK" PART OF PLAN a TO BEAT THE ALIEN! That's what it is for. Beat the lies outta the aliens. Whack em' with the truth stick now and then honey.

And they will respond negatively. What'd you expect? YOUR EXPOSURE DID NO HARM...PROBABLY SAVED YOUR FAMILY...

Did you expect the WS to say "I am so sorry honey. What was I thinking? I was stupid to have this affair and I thank you for bringing me to my senses?" NO> heck no!

The aliens have to deprogram for a while. Sure do. It takes them a while to become an alien, and it takes a while for them to morph back into a human again.

Like Lexxxy said...plan A is NOT ABOUT BEING A DOORMAT!

Not at all.

Remember also... A WS is POISONOUS! Be careful around them. They spit venom and bite like a king cobra. Be cautious. Keep healthy distance until he is becoming more human like. THey become especially nasty during early withdrawals and after d days.

Also make sure you can garnish proof in case the Ow tries to contact your WS at your home using phone, email, cell, etc...she will try to make contact...I GUARANTEE...and you must be there with the truth stick to smash her. Smash her attempts. And be able to reexpose at a second's notice.