That's because you're still making the silly mistake of thinking rationally. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You'll be OK - no matter what happens.

I (we) can't say that your marriage will be OK. But YOU will be OK.

WAT

Thanks, WAT. I hate that I'm the only one with a brain in this house... kinda lonely.

Just wish I had a crystal ball....

And I sure wish he'd see that this girl was going to sleep with anyone (she had a rep in the sq already...) and she is not worth the pain. He's the dumbest smart man I know.

You might find Frank Pittman's book, "Private Lies" helpful.

It's more of a "why" about betrayal, rather than a "how" to cope with it.

WAT

I'll go see if I can pick it up today. I'm understanding pretty well the "how" of the A, the road toward the A... and that helps. But I sure don't get the "why".

Today, I'm just feeling so down. I know I'm a good wife and mother. That I've done nothing to warrant having my WH have an A, but it doesn't make it any easier.

We have MC today. If WH misses, then it will be because CO is giving him the LOR at that time, but it's unlikely that he'll miss the MC appt. It'll be the first time we've gone together since I've told CO (I went by myself last time).

*sigh*

I know it's normal to just want him back. I'm just so sad. I feel like I've lost my best friend. I still want him and he just doesn't want me. Just so sad today.

WS,

You should be OK, at least he didn't tell you he hated you. I've heard that and we are trying to get to recovery now. She is working hard at it, "Doing it, not just trying anymore, but doing it." It will get better.

Something my brother told me. "You'll win either way, whether he joins you in your victory or not is his choice."

I'm better today. He actually kissed me goodbye as he left for work this morning.

Yesterday was hard. For us both. He had to face the sq. Telling them everything. I know a good bit of what was said because of a friend in the sq relayed to me some of it. And that at the end, he said that he (WH) admired me a lot and that he didn't deserve this chance I was giving him. WH told that to the sq. I gained an ounce of respect back for WH by him doing that and so completely honestly.

Then was MC. Actually productive, although REALLY painful. I got angry... but it was controlled. Expressed my frustration about how he could be so willing to leave behind the job he's dreamed of since he was little AND his family AND 9 years with me for a girl who had a rep for sleeping around. He said the rep was undeserved. WHATEVER. He's still so blinded by his infatuation. *sigh*

BUT: he's moving forward now. Baby steps. Slowly, ever so slowly. He's a good man, and I hope soon he'll be the man I know he is.

The CO gave him an LOR. Really let him have it, too. Yes, WH needed that, but wow... it hurt to read it. I hope... I hope...

That's the latest. At least today, things are a little brighter.

"He said the rep was undeserved."

I'm adding that to my list of funny WS statements. She's married and had an affair with a married man. What would it take for her to deserve the rep?

I'm glad things are moving in the right direction for you.

What's an LOR?

Also, it's really hateful when the WS defends the OP. Hurtful too. Yeah, "undeserved" bad rep. [hurl]

Letter of Reprimand

Stay strong, willsurvive.

Things will slowly clear for him and there will be a time when he won't believe he vouched for her "rep".

WAT
-----------------
I eat crabs.

this ~~~>



<~~~

is just soooooooooo

[color:"purple"] deja moo[/color] <~~~ the feeling I've heart this bull before

LOL

My H defended the OW's reputation for awhile too ... until he found out he was her 9th affair!

oopsie

men can be naive too, not just women

Pep

Pep,





The level of naivete by men so surpasses women. You guys are in the minor leagues. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm glad you followed your instinct and didn't go to CO.

One of reasons: if he loses his job/career, regardles of him staying with you or leaving with her - how would he support his children in (near) future...
I.e. if something else doesn't stop that affair (as it stopped the 1st one), doesn't mean going to CO/marital court will... and consequences for the children are...?

(Not unimportant to look at this from the other angle...)

If he lost his job, he would have to get another one just like everyone else does. He is the one who has risked his career, not her, and he should not be protected from that. If it takes losing his job to bust up the affair, then so be it.

In the Army?


And if it doesn't?

Yes, the Army is not the only employer in the US.

If it doesn't bust up the affair, then her marriage is over anyway.

So, as I thought - not in the Army.
Any job that he might not be qualified for, would need additional schooling, time to learn, find the job...

The marriage might be over, but that shouldn't terminate his fatherhood nor his obligations (CS)...
And to feed/raise 3 kids without a solid CS makes all things more difficult...

I.e. I wouldn't go there.
For there is life after, either way...

Belonging, of course he can't get another job in the Army. He would have to get another job just like anyone else who is kicked out of the Army. It is no different than anyone else who must change jobs, though.

No one wants to go there at all, but if her WS CHOOSES to go there, that is what the consequence will be. He knows that. And he should not be protected from that consequence. His career should not protected at the expense of his marriage. Affairs do have consequences, unfortunately.

What is this invisible wall regarding loss of employment..

Is it that we take the affair and it's consequences seriously..right up to there but no further?

People have to get jobs and seek alternative employment for all sorts of reasons every day.

If you break the law [and in the military adultery is a criminal offense] you don't get to decide or even negotiate the consequences.

People make CHOICES to risk their employment security..the sooner this yeilds an unpleasant result..the better for THEM as well as those who depend on them.

Why? Simply this..they will KEEP going in the direction of their addiction until and unless they become so uncomfortable that they can not continue in that direction any longer. The behavior will get worse and worse..the risks bigger..the consequences longer lasting..it all has a snowball effect.

If you have the opportunity to let consequences spank the wayward..it is in everyones best interest to do so.