i have 2 questions posted on my thread......could you please help?

questions on my thread

Eav,

What a great question! I hope FWS's respond.

I too have been thinking that EXACT same thing. WH is living with OW. He spent a lot of $$ on furnsihings, new furniture etc. Would he give all that up to come back?

I've filed for D, but I hope he wakes up before and sees what he's done.

Our anniversary is coming soon. Will he think of it, and us? Will he remember the good times we had?

I wonder the same as you do.

bumping up

Eav,

I don't think I can answer your questions because I never left to be with OM.

During my A, I did have triggers that pained me terribly.

For example, before H and my wedding started, we had the DJ play "Beautiful Day" by U2. It was an outdoor wedding, and it was gorgeous out. When that song started, we both felt so nervous... "Oh my goodness! This is it!" We were giddy with nervous excitement and it was magical. Many people that attended said the song gave them chills.

When that song came on the radio during my A, I felt like I was going to puke my guts out. Tears welled up in my eyes and bile rushed into my throat simutaneously. It absolutely devistated me. Even when I thought OM was my "soulmate" (gak.)

To this day, even in recovery, I still can't listen to the song.

I wonder if you also want to shout out to BS's whose spouses left and then, eventually, came back. I can only think of one or two FWS's here who actually moved out and then returned.

I'm so sorry for all you are going through. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

thanks so much Katie

my H always said out song was "heavan" by bryan adams...i hope he hears it everyday!

i'll change my title to include your idea (i hope the reason why there aren't many WS here that moved out and then came back isn't because they DON'T usually come back once they move out!)

eav,
I am a FWW. It's been almost 5 years since I've earned my "F" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I did move out for about 3 months during my A but it is just as Katie said. After 10 years of M it was impossible not to think of the good times and there were many triggers, not just songs. Places we had been, the kids, photos, friends, and family gatherings all brought back the good times to me. And yes, it made me feel the exact same way that Katie described.

After being gone for those 3 months I begged my H to let me come back home. Smart man that he was he made me work for it and prove to him that I was serious before he let me come home.

Recovery is hard and even now we sometimes find ourselves falling into the same old routine and that isn't good for any M. I usually come back here to MB when I need a good kick in the pants to help me get back into the "fighter" mode. I mostly come here to read and it always does me a world of good.

Hang tough. It's a terrible fight to be fighting but so worth it when it works out right.

thank you for sharing back again

i agree...it will be worth the fight if it all works out in the end

just bumpn!

still hope to get more responses

i have 2 questions posted on my thread......could you please help?

my questions

305 views and so few responses <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by mimi1254

You know that I was gone for over 2 years and I came back. I did have triggers while I was gone, but I was genuinely sad that my BH couldn't show me any love. I was genuinely sad when I left, I did still love him, I just thought I was dying inside.

But, I filled the emptiness with something bad, OM. And I became a WW and that was worse than the emptiness I had felt.

So to answer your questions, yes, I had memories that triggered and I did have a life that I still miss but I gave it up to be with my H. I am not talking about giving up the OM, but giving up the home that I had made and my routine and the life I had created.

My feeling is that a repentant FWS is a mate to be cherished. The process makes you a great partner if you make it back home. But , I don't want WH home if he doesn't get through the spiritual bankruptcy that he is currently in.

And it is my choice in how long I will wait for him. I think there is an 85% chance that my WH will turn around. But that is based on the core values that I thought he had. I honestly don't think I will wait around for it though. I am insulted that it is taking so long for him. And I fear that I would always feel like I am the "because my affair didn't pan out" partner.

thank you for responding and for being honest Jean

"our song" is Heaven as well.

I spend a lot of time speculating on what my husband is thinking/feeling/doing. Hoping he is thinking of us and remembering the past 22 years.

I have a big birthday coming up and wonder, will he even acknowledge it.

Memories for me are everywhere. Even the good memories are painful. My brain knows that one day, they will be good memories again but right now, everything seems to trigger tears for me.

*hug*

Husband came today to for some items. I made him sign a document what he was taking. I told him, none of it would ever return back into this house (things he's using with her). He told me he was looking for a new apartment today. A sad day. He's looking for a more permanent place to live, and he's taking her camping, with my camping gear, during my summer vacation (when we were supposed to be on a 2 week trip).

I hope he wakes up soon. Before it's too late.

Broke,

So sorry.

My WH is living with OW in his own place.

We were supposed to go on vacation in 2 weeks. He's still taking the time off, maybe to take her away?

I too can't stop thinking of what WH is doing with her. My counselor tells me to use that energy to focus on me. Easier said than done.

Our anniversary of 22 years is soon. Will he remember or will he just celebrate by taking OW out to dinner?

I've filed for D, so I don't see us getting back to together.

I too pray everyday that he will wake up, but I think he's too involved in her to care about his family.