I need help! My boyfriend was exchanging sexual emails (pictures) with his ex-wife. This happened a few months ago and we are still struggling to move past this. He states that nothing physical happened, but I still consider it cheating. It is a form a betrayal to me. The problem is this happened with his ex-wife, who they have two kids together with! It is not like she can magically be out of the picture, they have kids together. I was reading the steps to recover from an affair: "There are three parts to the way affairs should end. The first part is revealing the affair to one's spouse, the second part is never seeing or communicating with the lover again, and the third part is getting through the symptoms of withdrawal after a permanent separation takes place."

How can I do this if step two cannot happen? Any suggestions, help would be great!

Thank you

Question: how did his M end? Was there any infidelity involved.

What he's doing is inappropriate, of course. It is possible, but difficult, to achieve NC when the "OP" is an ex and there are children involved. The use of an intermediary (a good friend) might work.

Funny enough the marriage ended because she cheated on him two different times. This incident happened a few months ago and we have been trying to work things out, as we both do love each other very much. I know there have no longer been any emails of the sort exchanged; I have full access to all of his email accounts, though I rarely look at them anymore (I trust him more that he is not going to do it again). However, I am so disgusted and angry with her. I blame him for it happening, but I think she has part of the blame. The two rarely converse, but he has a hard time understanding why I am angry with her. She new we were in a relationship, in fact she was/is in one of her own. If I get frustrated with it, and try explaining to him that I think, she is to blame, he sticks up for her. He says stuff like "she is the mother of my children", "she is nice to me", and "she never did anything to you". I tried explaining that "when cheating occurs, the person that you cheated on me with usually leaves the picture, but she doesn't and can't. And when you (BF) stick up for her, how am I supposed to heal?"

Is this something I need to get over for it to work? Should he be sticking up for her? I NEVER say anything about her mothering skills, or like that. I just state that I think she is to partially blame, I do not like her, and I think that she has low morals.
Funny enough the marriage ended because she cheated on him two different times. This incidenent happened a few months ago and we have been trying to work things out, as we both do love each other very much. I know there have no longer been any emails of the sort exchanged; I have full access to all of his email accounts, though I rarely look at them anymore ( I am trusting him more that he is not going to do it again). However, I am so disgusted and angry with her. I blame him for it happening, but I think she has part of the blame. The two rarely converse, but he has a hard time understanding why I am angry with her. She new we were in a relationship, in fact she was/is in one of her own. If I get frustrated with it, and try explaining to him that I think she is to blame, he sticks up for her. He says stuff like "she is the mother of my children", "she is nice to me", and "she never did anything to you". I tried explaining that "when cheating occurs, the person that you cheated on me with usually leaves the picture, but she doesn't and can't. And when you (BF) stick up for her, how am I supposed to heal?"

Is this something I need to get over for it to work? Should he be sticking up for her? I NEVER say anything about her mothering skills, or like that. I just state that I think she is to partially blame, I do not like her, and I think that she has low morales.

You want to blame her for having low morals in order to avoid your BFs responsibility in this. If she had mailed him porn and he deleted it and immediately told you about it, it would be a different story - but that is not what happened. He was a participant. You are right to be concerned that he is taking her side and acknowledging that they will forever have contact. It is time for a heart to heart with the boyfriend and the ex - if there is any chance of them reconciling, as they do have kids, you need to back away from the relationship, because otherwise, divorced or not, you are the OW. It doesn't matter that she cheated on him, and you may know a lot less about their past relationship than you think. My H told me that his ex cheated on him, ending their relationship - when, in fact, he had cheated on her 3 times himself! Of course he left that out.