I was told once, and I beleive, that a WS will regret their decision to leave and D...someday. It may not happen right away, but someday. And depending upon how smart the WS is, how logical minded or how stuck in the fog they are, they will get a clue *someday*.

This was shown to me again this past weekend...

My H's mom and dad D'ed when he was 13. Have been D'ed for 27 years now, longer than they were M. Was an OP involved? Not sure, H suspects, and MIL says when she came back to the house to get some of her clothes she had to move the OW's clothes aside to get to hers.

We were visiting with MIL and Step-dad this weekend and talking about an event where they may see Dad and Step-mom soon.

Step-dad said he had no problem with Dad, got along fine, except for the times when he woke him up in the middle of the night.

Huh? What was this about?

Step-dad said, after they had been married for 3 years they got a few late night, drunken calls by ExH asking if she was happy...

Hmmmmm, got me thinking...

Even after D, do we ever truly detach from one another? Does the WS ever truly forget the R, or will they live to regret it?

Thought provoking, SHMI...

A quick note..similar subject.

I once heard a query on a radio program asking how long it takes to get over a D. A very vague question, but the equally vague answer was about 1 year for each year of M.

That will make me 80...

That is what I am hoping. That WH will regret what he's done and wake up, but before the D is final. He is stubborn though and will probably just stay with OW out of spite.

I would hate to wait many years to find it out though.

I don't think even after a D a husband and wife ever detatch. At least that's my opinion. There is too much history, kids can be involved etc.

I will be married 22 years soon and I can't imagine just forgetting it all cuz we are D'ing.

I try not to be vengeful, but I do hope he will live to regret his decision. He has put me and the kids lives through he**. Guess I want him to feel some of it.

thats not being vengful hoping he regrets it. thats hoping he sees what you see ,the thruth and seeing the thruth aint being vengeful

Well my ExWW regrets it. We've been divorced now 6 months, and I recently got an email from her, basically chewing me out for not communicating with her about our DD(17 1/2), telling me she should be involved etc..Mind you we are 3 states away..Well DD doesn't really relish the idea of a "relationship" with her mother right now and at her age you really can't force the issue.
But also in the email ExWW said she regrets her selfish-ness etc... and she is "paying for it with her life", it seems as if the bloom is off the rose of the OM...
I tried telling her there was no future with him/them and even took her back twice only to have her leave days later...So I made her file and DD and moved back home....
Oh well, if the Waywards aern't happy they make sure no ones happy....

My EX snapped back into reality after I was already remarried 2yrs after our divorce......she wanted it to be with OM. Well, he was married and decided to stay married after my EX and I divorced. She is still kinda waiting on him 4yrs later......*laughter*. He keeps saying they will be together soon, but be patient........*more laughter*. Anyhow, my EX stopped me in the driveway one day I dropped my kids off to her......

she said this while crying....."Im so sorry for ruining our family"...."I cant sleep at night, and I wish I could turn back the hands of time and have my family back" I felt sad that it took her so long to wake up, but unfortunately I met someone else and fell in love and we go married.

Oh well, the waywards will hopefully wake up before its too late, alot dont.

Regret is a terrible emotion to live with. I have many regrets of things that *I* did/did not do in my marriage with my husband. How many times can you say you are sorry?

Now that he's left me for another woman, I wonder when/if he will ever have to deal with regret? There is a part of me that hopes he will wake up one day soon and just realize that he's throwing away 22 years of a life together. Come to his senses. I think he is conflicted because of what he says occasionally in emails or in conversation.

I think to deal with regret is to forgive yourself and eventually, maybe will take years, but eventually, move on. I have no answers, this is so fresh for me.

In recent talks with my 83-year-old Dad

He has regrets about stuff he did when he was 19 years old!

Lots of elderly people look back on their lives and think things over and have regrets ... I think this is part of the life-process and one of the tasks of growing old gracefully

life review

Pep

The only thing I regret about my 1st marriage was marrying him in the first place. I gave the marriage my best, I tried very hard to save it, then I exited cleanly, morally and with my head heald high. We were married seven years. - Dru

You know I really think it depends on the people involved.

I know it sounds crazy.

My Parents were divorced when I was 13.

My dad was and alcoholic, cheater.

My mom gave it her all to keep the family together. She cooked and cleaned etc. My dad wanted to party and run around.

When it ended my mom found a wonderful man. They are still married. She has been my rock through this and she has told me that she didn't regret the D because my father was not good to her. She said it hurt seeing the family ripped apart buy my dad wasn't around much anyway. She actually said god had a plan because if she didn't put up with it that long her current husband would have not been divorced from his first wife. She believes it worked the way it did so she could find the perfect H.

My dad found what he wanted as well. A W with low self esteem that would let him bully her around. She would go out and get drunk with him and let him do what he wanted. Even after he was diagnosed with liver disease that would kill him. When he started drinking again she went out with him.

I think my mom didn't regret it because she ended up way better off.

I think my dad didn't regret it because HE WAS SELFISH.

I asked WH awhile ago how he could throw away 22 years of M. He said he didn't look at it like that. He's beginning a new chapter in his life, without me in it.

I sent him that poem about the old man in the nursing home that looked back on his life with regrets. I know he read it. Wonder if it sunk in. I doubt it.

Very good poem by the way.

it all sinks in even right now they just feel they hit the lotto and are willing to give up everything they love
but when its time to cash in the ticket they will see they lost it

jm,

I hope you are right!

Now I have another dilemma. My teen DD said if I ever took WH back she'd leave. She said how could I ever trust him again, look at him again, after he slept with another woman. She has no use for him. (yes, she is in C) Of course it is not up to her, but that's something else I need to deal with now.

well that will take time too,affairs just dont hurt us they hurt everyone
me and my ww just became godparents to a little girl in may and i cant get her to go there no ore so there upset ,family ,friends,etc
it takes time for everyone and hes got to build trust back with everyone but right now you got to focus on you and him ,then you fix up his other messes with everyone else