why do I have to be kicked in the balls at this late a period. Just had a long convo with my wife. She will send both of them a NC letter tonight. I told her we will go into MC asap. The lack of disclosure and the lack openness has come back to haunt me. I knew it would come to this. Am I ruining my chance at recovery?

YOU are not ruining anything...

What did your W say? Has she been in touch with OM prior to this IM?

It sounds like you both still want your M, so there is absolutely a chance for recovery...

MC is an excellent idea.

I'm so sorry, Karl... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Karl.. I am a BS that went through years of torture...
that being said... are you upset because he tried to contact your W or that she responded? First off, calm down... this can be no big deal. Chances are he is on a fishing expedition and so long as she doesn't bite... there is NC.
Second... every account, phone number and email address that you had back during her A should have already been closed. Obviously that is not the case, so make that happen immediately.
Third, I would skip the NC letter at this point if they have already been sent in the past. If she did not respond to his IM.. let him think it was never received and then let it be. I look it it like clicking on the opt out button on the bottom of spam... all that does is get you more spam.
Get to the bottom of this with you W immediately. If NC has been broken then obviously my post would read quite a bit differntly. If this is just his lame attempt to find her in anyway... f-him. Don't give him the satisfaction of anything more than you taking steps to assure he has no means to contact you.
Best of luck. Let us know how you make out after speaking to your W.

I disagree with blocking his email address. He can always open up another and another and keep contacting you. No, change your information.

Just got up from a long nap. I feel like such a putz. Guess I haven't recovered from this at all. Unfortunately my wife was on the receiving end of my anger, frustration and sadness. Don't know how I will ever make this up. I knew if this marriage ever failed it would be due to my stupidity.
We will see what happens when she comes home tonight. Can't blame her if she doesn't.

Give yourself a break buddy. I sense that you might benefit from some IC. I think that you let your emotions run away with your logic sometimes... been there, done that myself.
Your W has no reason to not come home. You are vulnerable, scared and scarred. But you can get this under control. Baby steps, okay.

BKarl,

How are things going today?

KM

No, he gives you enough so that you stop relying on yourself and start relying on him.

well, things were alright. We shared a long, strong hug that my wife asked for. Thanks, Lord!

You know what really sucks about this whole thing? My wife really has done nothing to quuestion her loyalty to me. She did say she would have deleted it without telling me or responding. And I truly believe that was not meant to be as keeping a secret from me, more like she to make sure that piece of garbage did not come back to haunt us.

I believe my wife truly hates him and despises him for what he has tried to do.

It is not really that I have not trusted my wife. I knew this dirtbag would try this at some point. Things were left unfinished and unsettled for me, and I knew it would come back to haunt me!! I just kept thinking if he did come back she would engage him.

She was ready to give up everything for this piece of garbage. Me, kids, everything! Written words can be very damning. I don't know that I ever got that letter out of my mind.

I really need to find an IC. This is not fair to my wife anymore! This is now about me!

One thing I am fighting, is sending all his neighbors in Peoria AZ a letter telling them they have a child molester next door. He is damn lucky I don't know his address!

Oh well, just a little fantasy of mine.

I can help you find his address.... but is he really worth the effort?

Next, I am assuming after all of this that email addresses and IM accounts will be changed immediately.

Find an IC today... a MC is also not a bad idea.

Last... your W cannot keep secrets from you. Period. You both need to do EVERYTHING in your power to stop and contact from dickie boy... but that being said... she needs to be honest with you.

Glad to see you are doing better today...

After the letter I sent him yesterday the coward will go back to the shadows where he lives. I never thought I could hate so strongly and I am so sorry my wife had to hear my rage.

How am I going to make this up! I still saw a little bit of hurt in her eyes this morning. I don't want to hurt her! Not ever again!

I looked for IC/MC in the pages today. Found 1 that had the courage to put infidelity councilor in her credentials. I think I will call her. My bet is she is booked solid. How sad is that!

BKarl,

As a FWW I can tell you that hurt in her eyes this morning might not have been due to your behavior, but her shame over her A with OM. Having to face it again after a year, and seeing how hurt you were. Just a thought.

I'm so proud of you for calling an IC/MC. Any luck with getting an appointment?

KM

Date night tonight! My wife is cacelling plans we previously had for this evening, I forgot about them. Needs to be something special. I am fairly new to the new and growing Colorado Springs. Anybody been here that can help me with something extremely wonderful! Food I mean! Close and intimate.

Block IM? I say throw the damn computer out the window. I'm serious. Get rid of it.

BKarl,

I would start another thread asking this question... like "anyone from the Colorado Springs area?"

That's great news!! Have a wonderful time!!