Ah ha! My ears WERE burning..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Well my BF did come back, but I have to tell ya, when we broke up, in my mind, I believed it was for good so there was no contact, no cake-eating, nada, zilch, zippo. It was horribly agonizing, but what was the point to continue contact? No, as far as I was concerned, you got unfinished business, (and our sitch's are a bit different--he went back to ex-wife for his kids and as a parent, I understood, on some level) then I need to be out of the picture and move on w/ my life.

My point? I agree w/ AGG....no contact and move on.....sure he could realize his mistake and come back "for real" like my BF did, but I wasn't doing NC as a 180 tactic or to try to win him back or whatever. I was doing it for ME.

You say you don't do love triangles, then don't do them. Talking to him, allowing him in your life right now, IS actively participating in a triangle. Leave him to his unfinished business. He's got to figure things out on his own. If this ex-gf is as bad as you say she is, then maybe you are better off w/o him right now, b/c to me, that shows a lack of growth IN HIM, that he would even consider being w/ some-one like that. Again, going on your description here of her. You've villanized her, but she's not the one who's breaking your heart.....

As for wishy-washy xbf? Don't get sucked backed into that b/c you are hurting and lonely, even if the attention is somewhat of a soothing balm. And don't do it to get triangle-bf jealous. Don't stoop to juvenile levels. Give yourself some down time. Seriously.

I know break ups suck so bad.....hang in there!

Hugs!

My comment, Peachy, is why bother with the 180? How does that help you move on?

180 turnaround is part of trying to save a marriage, not a relationship of a couple of months.

My advice is don’t bother with the ex-boyfriend, and don’t bother with the turnaround.

Peachy, I agree with the others. No 180, move on, and don't jump back in, at least not this soon, with other XBF. I still hope (current)XBF comes out of his fog since, other than the distance between you, the relationship sounded really good.

I think men go for the "bad girl" as often as women go for the "bad boy". But ultimately we all learn, often the hard way, that it almost always ends badly for us. We've all had those attachments that we knew weren't healthy but were so hard to break - I'm thinking of Darth as well as my XH.

What are your motives and what do you want for an outcome?

Do you want this man? Even with his admitted feelings for TrainWreck? And if you do, why? Is it to win? (I ask, because I have been guilty of this in the past -- to fight for a man I didn't really want anymore, just to win over the OW.)

Do you understand what you are in for if you do "win"? If he does come to the realization that TW should go and he wants to be with you? How are you going to rebuild trust with all that distance between you?

For you to move, it involves an interuption in your career, a custody fight with Darth, etc. For a man who very recently let you down. I would not go to such lengths for someone who betrayed my trust.

You have said it would take a firm commitment (ring and date) for you to move. How do you jump from here to there so quickly?

I just don't think this fairy tale has a happy ending. You know that a woman like TrainWreck is not going to stop pursuing him. He's already shown he's vulnerable to her. How are you going to trust him to the point of commitment with 3 hours between you and no way for you to SEE his daily actions? You won't know about their interactions, what's going on in the office, etc. And he's already shown himself to "forget to mention" some pretty serious violations.

What do you want to happen??

You are right Lexxxy.

He would have to do the sacrificing. And it wouldn't be near as much as I'd have to do..and it would establish trust.

Love does sacrifice.

But he knows my ds is not anything I would ever sacrifice. Never ever.

I am having a very hard night tonight...sad night. Very sad.

I am just getting used to idea that J and I don't have our morning and evening talks anymore.

A Recycled single!! That is a good one.

My Catholic friend calls us "newly singled" since they don't use the D word. Personally, I just refer to myself as single. How I got there is not an issue.