Shaden, you're not listening.
That is EXACTLY what my post was all about. Any decent human being, and I'm not talking about WS's who just love to inflict pain, does NOT withhold information because of self preservation, they withhold it because they do not wish to inflict FURTHER pain. It didn't HURT ME to withhold information, I didn't want to inflict further pain.
Shaden, I have a huge amount of respect for you. Please read my post carefully.
KiwiJ, earlier on your thread about "Twisting the Knife", you said these words to me. I admit I hadn't gotten back to reading that thread to see them until now. I have not read the rest of it yet and will when I have a chance... but I wanted to respond to this. I'm starting a new thread because I don't know where the other has gone and this may be lost or seem ridiculous on there now.
Actually I believe I had read your post thoroughly and I think I was agreeing with you. It might not have sounded like it in my post to Mel... but I was.
What I believe Mel was talking about was the fundamental truth of such situations... that it really does help the BS (which you admitted to realizing later) and the actuality of not could be a form of personal preservation. I was agreeing with Mel on this.
BUT... I was also agreeing with you in that I believe you in saying the WS (or FWS) does not think of it at the time as a preservation instinct... they feel all the hurt caused and just do not want to cause any more. What I was saying is that there were 2 sides to this issue.... the real feelings being felt at the time... and the psychology (learned responses, morality, instincts... whatever else is lumped in here) of what is happening.
Your post was very helpful to me to hear that possibly my W was genuinely not wanting to hurt me further. In reality, she did hurt me further by not sharing... but it was what her intention was that is now important to me.
Have I explained this any better, or am I still misunderstanding you. Possibly the thread has gotten so far beyond this point that it doesn't even matter... but I wanted to clarify.
I read a little further on that you wished that you had not started that thread... that it just brought more pain. I, for one am glad you did. I look forward to reading the rest of it when I can.
Shaden
