Warning: This will reveal alot about my sitch that may make some uncomfortable.


If you don't know my sitch, here it is short. To add spice, wife and I thought we could add another person. We didn't play together. Wife "fell in love" with OM. She pushed me out of the tryst after 8 days. I have apologized to her about this and Pep gave me the best way to do this. I have also taken full responsibility for it as well. ANYway, WS is living with OM. Check my sig for the rest.


Anyway, I thought of writing a letter to the OM. I also remember reading that I should use everything in my arsenal. SInce my sitch is different, consider this:


I will take revisions should anyone see a better way of writing some of this. This is all true and verifiable by her coworkers. She will be spending most of the weekend here or with her parents and won't be able to check in with him until late Sun. So I thought about sending it tomorrow and then he would stew over it all day Sat and Sun.

I thought of intimating that sometimes WS is "late" when leaving here and using a SF reference. Any and all help or advice about the letter is wanted.

Thanks

Brian

I wouldn't send it. It is much better that you put him out of your life. Sending him this letter will just show him that he IS in your life.

Dear Brian...

Please take believer's great advice. No contact with OM.

You are dealing with complicated guilt, shame and betrayal...and yes, you have been betrayed...though you betrayed your marriage first.

Others have been here in your shoes...you're not bad, wrong or defective. You did not protect your marriage. Neither did your WW.

Focus on you...I know you can recover your marriage. You are here, studying, reading, learning...your own personal recovery is imperative.

Do not lash out at OM...keep a journal and SHRED him in it. Do that. Write in it daily...and once a week, go back and read all you wrote...see where your pain is coming from exactly...not in big general terms...work on your own stuff...only you can.

What I believe you're attempting to do is to wake up the OM...tell him your WW isn't as she appears...because you're wrestling that yourself...she looks, as AdrianC once said, strikingly similar to your wife...she isn't right now. Not even close.

Fantasy...concentrate on that...your WW didn't leave you for OM...she is pursuing a fantasy. Not real. Not even close. You're real. Know this.

LA

Thank you. I needed that. Besides, I just realized that this would appear desperate to WW. Hmmmm...

yeah dont send it cause hes gonna show it to her and then they got something to keep there spark going
meaning they will be talkin about you
something needs to be done with the om but the letter aint the way to go brother

BIG OH S*** just happened. My nephew on my WS's side fell and hit his head. All I could get out of MIL was that there was "bleeding" and I don't think this was the good kind (if there is a good kind). He is in the hospital at Burlington, VT.

I called WS and OM phones because I couldn't get her to pick up. Finally she called back. Said she was trying to get some sleep. She hasn't been sleeping and she works at 7AM tomorrow. Anyway, she really seemed nonchalant but then she is trying to contact fam.

She said, "Well, there is nothing we can do." Mind you, it is a 3 1/2 hour drive. To me, no question, rouse my kids, plop them in the car and go!

Can the fog have an effect like this? I want to reach through the phone and slap her.

I will talk to you all later.

Pray for my nephew.

Brian

that will be a prayer ill do right now i hope everything is ok and please let me know
thats big fog my uncle died and she said oh so sorry and didnt even come to the wake and this was whenshe was still here
my prayers for your nephew stay strong

If she were thinking of her family at all, she would not be doing what she is doing.

In almost every case it seems to be a package deal - in order to forget their BS, the WS must shut out their other family members, too. It's the only way they can cope with being WS's.

WS's nephew (our nephew) is okay. WS offered to read SAA after I told her that I finished it. I then told her it was an answer and that our situation is very similar to Sue and Jon's from the book.

She is open to reading the book. A good sign? She had serious fog talk last night, but then today, at my daughter's birthday she was here with only my fam. When she left she hugged me and said she had a nice weekend (she spent most of the time here and we did family things after she got off work at 4 and stayed until 7 on Sat.) and reiterated that she would read SAA.