My H and I had a mutual friend. I caught on to the fact she was sabotaging our marriage and she was totally enamoured with my H. Technically she was my friend and in the past when I wanted to eliminate a friend I took care of it. My H and I were going through a very hard time that had nothing to do with our marriage and she was quite helpful.

The last time I saw her I told her that I had had it with her games and the three of us were going to have a little talk about what she had been doing. I got out of her car and as I was walking up the walk she attempted to run me down and instead "killed" a bike and nearly took out the garage in the process. I told my H about this and also that I did not want her in my life anymore. Well...five years later she is still in my H's life which means she is in mine. He says "She only did wonderful things for us."

The last time she cell phoned him I flipped! He didn't take the call and I told him to call her back and say "You tried to kill my wife due to your infatuation with me, do not ever contact me again." He did not make that call.

For the umpteenth time I asked him why he refused to do this thing that should for the most part have no effect on his life. His reply was "I only have your word to go on." I see that as more than enough. I have discontinued my friendships with men that he felt were "after" me and I don't see the difference here.

I also posed this What if...your friend refused to see you over something that absolutely was not true? Would you not make every effort to clear up the issue? Why has she never attempted to get with me on this? I have also asked him to ask her why she has never done anything to repair the rift. To both of these I received a shrug.

Aside from the fact I should kick him to the curb I really am looking for another tact to take. We have been married for 27 years (difficult to flush) and but for this issue it has been rewarding for both of us.

Any ideas that will turn this into RESPECT would be appreciated.

Ask him how he would feel if you hadn't discontinued your friendships with the men that he thought were "after" you.

Would he think that he really mattered to you if you continued in those relationships?

If he can understand that, then let him know you don't feel cared for and important enough to him to rid your marriage of these bad feelings.

(I would probably be ill enough to ask him if it was okay with him for me to build a close relationship with a man that he didn't like?. But I can't say whether that would be a good thing or not. It might prompt him to think about things or it might serve to make him angry - different personalities react differently to things like that. With some it works and with others it doesn't.)

Hope things go well for you