|
|
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 846
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 846 |
[color:"white"] . [/color]
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322 |
Hello Everyone!
I'm doing well right now. Amazing what 5 minute conversations with your counselor can do!! I told him I would like to buy a house and move out...take $100,000.00 and be done.
He said I'm not "doing" anything yet just trying on ideas and that I should be talking this stuff out in mediation. He is so right...I'm getting sucked in to discussing all this stuff with my WS any time all the time...feeling his pressure and making a decision now based on a math problem.
Well he is so right.
I told my WS that I didn't want to discuss our separation until I returned from vacation...Sept5th...I'll be leaving in 6 days...I told him the truth...I've fallen behind on other things I need to attend to. (ME, DSs, Home, School, etc.)
Oh...he is annoyed. I told him well I know you're in a pressure cooker...I'm not but you are because of your A. He says no because we're divorcing...and that he knows he had an Affair (proudly) and that he had it because our marraige had fallen apart.
How nice. Such noble character. He can have SF until a few months ago...hmmm. He is goofy.
Something strange....I don't read anything in to this much...only that he wants to beat any love I have for him out of me... "How come if we're not a unit (his word) you want to go with me and the DSs to play minnie golf?"
I mean is this guy for real????? I don't want the divorce. What a dope. There is a part of me that wonders is he looking for some reassurance that I still want to be with him?
When he walked away from me this morning he covered his bum with his hands (feeling cocky) and then turned around and pointed at me with a sly look on his face like...Now, now don't be looking at my butt...you know you want it, tsk, tsk.
I've never been with another man...ok. This is attractive and an afront at the same time. I can hardly stand it. I do dig him and hate him for it at the same time and he knows it and is calling me out on it. He even kind bit his hand like he was SF frustrated immitating me. UGH!! I haven't made any advances...how can he tell?
I feel vunerable and.... I just plug my ears, like a silly child, but he won't be quiet and he says nasty things to me and I know any second he is going to start trying to hurt me with comments about how wonderful OW is.
Anyone plug their ears?
Sometimes it feels like my best defense.
Anyway...I'll stop in later but I'm going to try to get some other things accomplished now and take a much needed break from all this thinking and think about other things.
He is so weird.
Strongest
Last edited by Strongest; 08/23/06 03:21 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322 |
Bonjour Larousse!:)
I'm glad you are feeling more in control.
[color:"purple"]I am, thank you. [/color]
Did you had a chance to read the second link about Mimi's recovery? [color:"purple"]Yes I did. Do you think that part of the reason my WS could be so angry then is because he actually loves me? I don't want to be a silly toad. I don't want to be chasing a foolish dream....if reality is he is so done with me....ya know? [/color]
The 180 could appear a little in contradiction with Plan A, the way I have seen it used here is after a good plan A and when the theat of divorce is inminent. [color:"purple"]I know what you mean about contradiction I think...that your suggesting I "let go" completely and just act like I'm moving on being focused on me and the kids...like I just don't care how his future will unfold. [/color]
Have a great afternoon. [color:"purple"]merci, you also [/color]
You seem to be a very acomplished cooker, yummy.
[color:"purple"]merci beaucoup, it is something I enjoy, it is a creative outlet...and a way to demonstrate all the wonderful abundance in this world...foods...especially fruits and vegetables...their colors, shapes, smells, texture..are to be savored, explored and shared...they're one of God's gifts to us. To work with them and then present them to others for their enjoyment is very enjoyable for me. It can be a lot of work...so I try to focus on just one part of the meal that would be considered high maintenance and the rest simple preparation (which often times can be prefferable*)
My youngest son has a passion for exactly what I'm talking about...hospitality in regards to creating delicious foods and then the pure pleasure of sharing it with others...he has said he wants to be a "cooker" since nursery school. I often have him help or create something and he loves to bake and do things on his own...I also think he is a super taster...he has a wonderful palate for what is complimentary in flavor...uncanny really...it's bizzarre almost...he really is gifted...blah, blah, blah...I could go on and on about him!!
My other son I just have to add...I firmly pushed him to play soccer this fall even though he didn't want to at first. He is so glad he did...and I'm so glad I was assertive with him! He is happier, healthier...and frankly I'm proud of myself for not letting him choose to opt out and opt in to more couch time.
Anyway...my thoughts are leaving my WS now...I'm glad to see this...I've been intense lately...time to do other things...
xx
Last edited by Strongest; 08/23/06 03:00 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322 |
But I think her anger and hurt toward me is because she still loves me. Even anger sometimes is a form of love. Indifference is the absence.
Why won't she try to work on our relationship? I don't know. I still am trying and hopeful. Maybe we can find peace. I pray for strength and will pray for you as well. [/quote]
LostbutHopeful,
Thank you. Perhaps you're right about the anger. If that is true...then, well, my WS loves me around the universe a KABILLION times!! My gosh...if I come to believe this, well oh dear. I have heard this notion before. Like I said...if his anger is love in a veil...well, well...hmmm...this guys got issues!!!
I will pray for you to.
Strongest
Last edited by Strongest; 08/23/06 03:07 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322 |
Was he always this verbally abusive before the divorce action? Hi KaylaAndy, Yes and no, When he has been highly agigitated he would get abusive...there of course have been many "seasons" so to speak...where there was great harmony Strongest
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322 |
I never would have thought it ethical to call a spouse's IC, but I think you might find explanations. It worked for me. X used the communications counselor for IC too. He's the one who told me X had no communication skills. Explained alot. Words are just words, I needed to learn to watch the actions.
Good Luck. You will survive and you are growing stronger every day. [color:"purple"]Dear newly, Thank you for seeing strength...somedays I feel it more than others...watching actions...you're right there!! I wish I was better sometimes at not listening to words...and better at reading actions...he actions are that he stays away from the house a lot...and has dates with her...he also sleeps in his bed every night...he gets angry when his dinner isn't "timely." He still lets me do laundy. He doesn't lift a finger around here...he is taking the boys for the first time by himself somewhere tonight...this is big! Strongest [/color]
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 846
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 846 |
[color:"white"] .[/color]
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322 |
Bonjour Larousse!
Thank you for all those tips...I knew plugging my ears wasn't the best move...I'll try confrontation in a non adversarial way. Your suggestions are wonderful!!!!! MERCI MERCI MERCI...big time!!! (that is not french...hahaha)
I had a nice evening with my folks. I'm looking forward to my vacation. I'm seeing my WS's anxiety and pressure as his own generally...it feels good like this...it is true if I can detach from taking things personally...well, then this will be much easier. I'm working at it.
This morning he emailed OW's brother and wrote "It's going to happen just like I told you two years ago at the kitchen table." I'm not making too much of this statement. He looks like a fool...OW's brother can't stand WS now and says he wants nothing to do with him because he and his sister are liars and into deception...he also blames my WS for tearing up his niece's lives.
It has made me think twice...I feel as though I have to go on for art therapy...I feel like I would be settling becoming a teacher...really...I feel such a calling and desire and place in art therapy now...I've been reading a wonderful book all about it...it is so me!!! I've never been so excited about becoming something other than a God's child, wife, mother, daughter...I guess I have a lot of things to be excited for.
I keep thinking...why should I make life easier for my WS by going to be a teacher...and putting off my career so he can feel financial relief NOW with OW? What am I?...a buffoon???? I can't...the more I think of it the more I would be cheating myself...sure I'm nervous..will I be a success??...etc. etc. I felt the same way over a year ago when I started school...and I kicked b*tt...so I can handle it...I just have to figure out...with WS I guess how we can keep the big house...afford more schooling and separate...
Or is that his problem?? Cough...ack...hee,ha,ho. I know, I know, I know...he HATES, HATES, HATES this idea...too bad...he isn't even going to be a part of the rest of my life...he has no hold on me...he said now that I have a teaching certificate I can have money deducted from me because I'm employable...how nice...how about I reveal to him this has been a "PLAN" of his for two years...long before he told me I needed to go get a job so I could earn money to continue living in the big house...oooo.
I think his note to OW's brother is also another way of making himself believe his fantasy might come true...well tonight when I told him...I'm just trying on hats...I'm not actually making a proposal...he is MOODY tonight...what a funk he is in...he was ready with champagne this A. M. tonight he is having a pity party...he now claims..."EVERYTHING IS AT YOUR PACE!!!"
Strongest
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 846
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 846 |
[color:"white"]. [/color]
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322 |
Good Morning Larousse,
Spoke with OW sister this morning (she and entire family won't talk to my WS or OW...because they won't support what they have done to the family...they support 100% OWH) ...it has been a year and a half...my son is sleeping over there tonight. I don't know if that is good...son knows nothing of Affair and stuff.
OW sister had a lot to say about OWH...he is depressed, having a hard time moving on...thinks his wife is addicted...a lot of what MB thinks he already believes...but am I too hopeful...too sneaky..too risky...getting involved with OW sister and OWH...just could give him the site and stuff...you know? Perhaps he could login..
I don't know...but I think if he tried from his end and I tried from mine...we may get better results?? with everyone's excellent advice here...
anythoughts??
Strongest
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 846
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 846 |
[color:"white"] . [/color]
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322 |
Merci Larousse,
I feel kinda sneaky...but it is a good cause. In a strange way...I'm helping OW now...as well as OWH...and their family...perhaps...at least just making a small suggestion.
Strongest
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 846
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 846 |
[color:"white"] . [/color]
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 846
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 846 |
[color:"white"] . [/color]
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322 |
GOSH..Larousse...can I pay you for all that????...how about Francs???
If I could I would make you a gourmet experience you would truly enjoy.
I'm going to start wearing a beret or eiffel tower amulet to think of you as a power source of sorts...a friend you know? Merci for your giving...if I could do something for you...I'm am feeling strong, stronger and stronger...you're such a wonderful cheerleader and good constructive advisor!!
I try to work on not feeling sneaky...somewhere I picked up the idea to let people have their free will...I guess the idea is if God intended them to have free will why should I get in there?? Then again maybe I'm confusing things a bit and I need to overhaul this old thought of mine...becoming an activist, advocate, assertive?...this gets at a certain core of me...hmmm. Have to ponder on this one.
I see it your right about it being my right and duty to defend and protect my marriage and family...I like this...this isn't illegal...or against ethics...forcing my will on others...I created a family...a relationship...I should try to be as responsible and as protective as possible...
At least.
Strongest
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322 |
SF has been a no option for over three months...he won't...says I make to much of it...attach too much feeling...he thinks it is just sex with no attachment and I see it as lovemaking...
so he won't...I'm not at all sure I should be like...well don't worry about it, it doesn't mean that much...because that is a lie..let's just do it anyway...I don't think he would...it can be just fun...but he won't...I think he feels to ashamed or guilty afterwards...like right afterwards...and right now...I think he is trying to prove to himself he is faithful to OW...cough...I'm sure she is supplying it.
Strongest
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322 |
Hi MBers...
OK...listen to this...
OWS told me that OW has been breaking down this week for the first time and calling OWH crying and carrying on about her feelings or remorse and wanting forgiveness. OWH says that he doesn't want anything to do with OW that the "sight of her makes him sick." Though he is lovesick at the thought of it all.
OWS told me OWH said WS was walking down her street...cornered him and had it out with him.
OWS says that OW continues to claim they just talk on phone...cough!
WS has told friend that he plans on moving in w/OW in a year once she is divorced...isn't he forgetting something?...he is still married....and doesn't even have a separation yet!?!
WS has told friend that OW is setting up house so nice for him...one of his needs!!
Anyway...I'm feeling the power.
Their helium balloon is loosing air.
Strongest
Last edited by Strongest; 08/24/06 03:14 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 846
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 846 |
[color:"white"] . [/color]
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
If you don't mind, could you post any questions that you might have for me on the General Questions II Board, Strongest?
It's much easier for me to only read that Board because of my busy life.
Thanks so much.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 322 |
Dear Larousse and Mimi1254 and others....
I've done the MB Page not found to tempest with details...I'm not getting any response...I'm missing something...I can get into other's posts in GQII and reply but that is it...perhaps Larousse or Mimi wouldn't mind starting a thread that I could hijack...then I could get around this and start posting there? Maybe one of you could title it..."Strongest's thread"...only I couldn't edit the title...I don't know how else to get in there....
Thanks,
Strongest
Last edited by Strongest; 08/24/06 09:36 PM.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (1 invisible),
327
guests, and
637
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,528
Members72,056
| |
Most Online8,273
Aug 17th, 2025
|
|
|
|
