Good point Mrs W.

Which is why I'm done with MB.

If you were to read back several months ago, I used to give advice regularly on this site. I was under the impression that I'd helped quite a few folks.

But with the changes that have been occurring on this site in the last 5-6 months, where it's become the fad to group mob anyone who's opinion doesn't match that of what amounts to <10 people's OPINIONS (not Dr Harley's, just their own interpretaion of it), it's become quite clear that I need to move on, just as many others who used to post here but left for the same reasons have done.

I'll go the way of Ladyjane and others...people who tried to help, but simply couldn't take the direct attacks of people, the character assassinations, etc...

Good luck to those who still care enough to try to help, and care enough to take the time to word a response intended to guide and help.

I sometimes wonder if some of the changes in the board and the "ganging up," are at all due to the existence of the other board which, by invitation only, has numerous MBers discussing individual situations and the board in general.

I have not been on that board for many months (kicked off because I didn't post) - but when I was there, I did notice a tendency of members to discuss goings-on back at GQII. A "meta-board," if you will.

I have been wondering if that has led to some of the bashing I've seen done by members whose words I used to very much like to read.

Hey Owl, before you go...

I know that IRWA adores you...Have you encouraged her to tell her husband about her affair? What is going on on that front? I would appreciate any insight that you have there...

Thanks,

Mrs. W

Mrs W-

Here's my take.

I COMPLETELY agree that OMW needs to know...

I also COMPLETELY agree that IWRA should stick to whatever agreement she made with her H. If she cannot POJA a solution on this, then she's stuck with the dilemma.

Personally, had my wife's OM been married I would have INSISTED on exposure to his wife. But he wasn't.

In her case, as well as in 2BN's, their BH's INSISTED that they not pursue this further...

I'm of the opinion that they owe their 'allegiance' if you will to their own marriages and husbands. If telling the OMW will create such a huge disparity and gap between them and the H they've already hurt beyond belief, they owe it to that H they DIRECTLY betrayed (as opposed to the OMW that they INDIRECTLY betrayed) to work on their own marriage.

I know that many here don't agree with my viewpoint...which is why I no longer post in those battles any further. I've made my suggestions, voiced my viewpoint, and have left it to the individuals involved to handle it on their own.

Owl, are you certain that IRWA has told her husband? I have repeatedly asked her and her silence on the matter has led me to believe that her husband remains in the dark as far as her affair is concerned...I remain puzzled...

Mrs. W

LOL...I'm not CERTAIN of anything...even that you're Mrs W! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Everything here is based on what people tell us...

I've not offered advice on the subject in sometime, so I have to admit I don't know for sure where she stands...I want to say that she had told her H, but I can't recall for sure without looking through a bunch of threads for an answer.

If she's not told her H...then of course that's her FIRST step in trying to recover. Recovery is not possible at all without both partners knowing what's gone on.

Read through the old thread by CARDSONLY...you'll note I'm a staunch advocate that the BS HAS TO BE TOLD. NO kind of recovery is possible without that crucial first step. I had to fight to convince several WW's to confess to their H as a first step in that thread.

If IWRA is tracking this conversation...please, weigh in here and respond to the questions, or start another thread to discuss this. Mrs W is on the money...if you've still not confessed to your H on the A, then you're still not in the recovery process.

My husband knows that OM and I emailed about financial matters. I printed them for my husband. OM is a financial advisor.

But I have not yet told him that OM and I became too good of friends through emailing so Mrs Wondering is correct.

When I was posting on Cardsonly's thread, Owl and 2B
and others tryed to guide me into telling my H but they
never were pushy. They were kind and caring friends.

Cards, 2B and I have went on to be really good emailing
friends and that has been such a wonderful blessing
in all of our lives.

It is over with OM...no more emailing. We are in agreement
that No Contact is for the best. (He is not married but
I am.)

So anyway, this is my last post, I will not be posting anymore until I confess to my husband.

Thanks to all here at MB.

I wanted to share this one post that Cards posted for Owl in Feb.


#2936446 - 02/10/06 09:57 AM
FROM CARDSONLY


Owl....

I could not agree with IWRA more. You have stood by us and not judged us. You have helped and encouraged us, even when we have faltered. Your viewpoint has been invaluable in helping us WS see the perspective from our H's. You expressed your feelings based on being the BS and that helped me better understand what my H felt who was unable to express some of those feelings. You genuinely care, and that is what makes you different from some.

I know for me and others that post here or did post regularly, your words of advice and wisdom have at times stopped us or redirected our actions. I am SURE that there are many, many people that have read your writings here (10,000 hits on this thread!)and have been helped by your insights.

Please do your best to stay in touch with us. Good luck with your career change, and best wishes to you and your family.

Blessings to you, OWL

P.S. Melody Lane was right, I did post 4 times
with the ID of summersky.

fs, that was a completely unfounded and gratuitous cheap shot. Nor were you ever "kicked off" my board. Inactive memberships were deleted, with the option to reapply, in order to protect the privacy of members who post there. If your membership was deleted, it was only because it was inactive.

Something I forgot to mention earlier today:

No one of the MB vets ever said the above to me straight in my face on these forums e.g. that “they distance themselves from me until I do the right thing in their opinions”, so I guess this was said behind my back where I can’t read it… I would really like to know the names of all the MB veterans who are part of this off-board “gossiping” team and discussing other MB members behind their backs and "teaming up" against certain individuals. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

100% agree.

Very good post Owl. I 100% agree with this too.

Owl, you are a valuable asset to these board and you have ALWAYS posted to others in a respectful way… You show compassion and understanding to others and keep your boundaries - even if you don’t agree with certain POV’s. And because of this, I believe your presence here on MB helps to give a “balance” to these boards. I for one will be sad if you leave… Please reconsider and stay.

Take care,
Suzet

ML,

I know that most boards delete inactive members....so I understand that part....but are there alot of discussions about individuals (as opposed to situations)....on the other board? I dismissed the "conspiracy"....but I didn't know about the existence of another board with some of our members on it. Is this just the MB ladies board....I knew about that....or a different one? Is there any truth that it could be fueling some of the discontent here?

Okay.... so it's April Fools and no one told me, right? And MelodyLane is actually posting as CinnamonSugar, and MEDC is actually WAT trying to sound like MEDC? Oh, and I bet ForeverHers and Orchid have traded places, too. Have I got it right so far?

I am -so- confused.

So IRWA, what is your plan??? You don't need to leave MB, you need to stay here and ****************************for continuing to victimize your husband...

***********************EDIT**************


Tell your husband and give him his life back!!!

Mrs. W

Things are adding up for me now regarding why certain folks were vehemently advocating support of JustJilly in her affair-based marriage.

Good lord. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for turning on the light, Mrs. W.

Jo

starfish, I think the current subject matter is what is fueling discontent here. There is no "conspiracy" to gang up on members from my private board. This is a private board that focuses mainly on refugees from MB who couldn't post here due to WS' or OP's.

The members on my board are all quite supportive of MB. I think the current subject matter is volatile enough to cause the level of discontent we see here.

Yep Jo, I suspected for quite a while that IRWA was still WAY foggy...NOW, it all makes sense, huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

I think the current subject matter is certainly volatile enough alone....but you didn't really answer my question. Are folks on your board....talking about individual folks on THIS board?...or just looking for help for their sitches because they didn't feel safe here? If it's the latter....I can understand, but if it's the former....well....I just hope it isn't. For instance....have *I* been discussed on your board?

starfish, nor WILL I answer any question about what happens on my board, because it is private. The folks who have come there count on complete privacy and they will get it.

It has nothing to do with the issues on this board, nor are the main flame fanners even ON my board. The current events on this board are inherently volatile, so it makes no sense to try and scapegoat another board.

While I appreciate all who disagree with my approach here... and some who disagree with my approach in general... as I said, this was well thought out on my part and I am not changing course.
Thank you for your respectful input.

Privacy/safety I understand....secrecy can be very damaging. It would be very easy to talk about the "purpose" and "general properties" of your board without violating anyone's privacy. If the board is for the sole purpose of giving folks who don't feel safe to post here a more controlled environment, I think that's a wonderful thing. If it's not a place to complain about individual posts or persons from MB and that isn't occurring....why not say so? Even if you told me that "yes star....you're being trashed on my board"....I'd have no way to know who was doing the trashing....nor could I interfere or join your board and defend myself. I'm just asking for the truth.....and wondering if a board that entails lots of gossip or criticizing of members from here....could be affecting things here as well.....that's a legitimate question. I'm not looking for a scapegoat....I'm trying to understand the big picture and if this fits into all the discontent at all. I didn't think there WAS another board....now I'm confused and bewildered. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />