I've heard so many here say that after an affair the OLD marriage is dead, but that a new and better marriage can be built. That led me to thinking about this question:

How has your WS spouse changed from BEFORE the affair to AFTER the affair?

My FWH is more consistent about being fully engaged in our every day life.

He no longer takes me for granted. He realizes now that there isn't a magic bullet for having a happy, fulfilling, healthy marriage. He understands that he can't just sit around and wait for me to "wow" him... he has to make effort to "wow" me.

That whole..meeting each other's EN's ...works in amazing ways.

If the only way for me to get the H I have TODAY...is to travel the same horrid path I had to travel to GET here... I may walk it again.

The lessons, tools... have been so valuable... and I don't think I'd have found these principals any other way to be honest.

WOW!! I often find myself thinking this....

INCREDIBLE..... isn't it INCREDIBLE?

LOL .. at first when I saw you replying I thought you were going to 2X4 me ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

But seriously... and usually this bothers people...but to be perfectly honest... I think my H's A .. may have SAVED our M.

I would love to sit here and say... there would have been some other type of "wake up call" ... or "SOS" signal ...but because that is not what happened, I can only go on what I have.

If we had continued down the same path... ignoring each other ... taking each other for granted, letting work, kids, finances...overcome us... we could have easily ended up divorced... and neither of us would have gained a THING. We would have probably just taken the same errors ...and repeated them in our next relationships.

I'm greatful...that I got this opportunity to learn some valuable lessons...and take these tools... and apply them with my H. I feel that if our M ..can survive his infidelity... and THRIVE..and we can be happier...than we've ever been... we can survive and overcome whatever life throws at us.

... off soapbox now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Why in the world would I 2X4 you, Betrayed?

I'm right there with you 100%!!!!

I'm glad you were open about this...helps me realized that I am not alone or even crazy in my thinking like this.

That's what's sooo GREAT about this forum!!!