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I just intercepted an email from my WS. LAST NIGHT she went home (to OM) and just wanted to sleep. OM wanted to talk so she didn't get much sleep.
He told her he wanted her to DUMP HIM and be with her family!
[paraphrase]She said she wishes it were that easy, if she didn't like him so much, it would be.[/paraphrase]
SO. How do I strike while the IRON is hot?
Brian
Last edited by thorstein; 08/08/06 12:14 PM.
Moral of the Mayonnaise Jar: Do you want a full life? Or just sand? --------------------------------------------------------------- BS: Me: 33 WS: 32 Married 10 years Affair Started: May 06 Exposure: July 06 Daughter 4 years Son 2 years
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Strike what, Thor?
Think about it...what does this change at all? You're in Plan A, working on your stuff...what are you saying you could do differently than before you intercepted this email? And if there is, why weren't you doing it before?
There's a WS fog game, back and forth...not your concern. Yours is to be authentically in Plan A, all the way...a to z...
Not REACTIVE...you're the reality bringer...stay in reality, not their fogged game.
LA
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Well it might be a good time for a call to the OM.
It seems as though 1 of 2 things is happening.
One he is tired of your wife and wants the easy way out. He might feel like he can't dump someone that has given up so much to be with him.
Two his conscience is finally catching up to him. Which in that case he no longer feels good about what he is doing.
Either way he may actually be your best chance right now.
Someone in that relationship is starting to think clearly and that is the one that could save your M.
That is just my opinion.
BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby
When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
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Okay. Thanks.
Just really got me excited. It should, shouldn't it?
Brian
Moral of the Mayonnaise Jar: Do you want a full life? Or just sand? --------------------------------------------------------------- BS: Me: 33 WS: 32 Married 10 years Affair Started: May 06 Exposure: July 06 Daughter 4 years Son 2 years
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The short answer is, don't strike! I'm sure you'll get a lot of advice here (I'm still very new at all of this), but given as this is still so fresh I would do nothing for the time being. She is still deep in the "fog" and probably will not listen to you with any kind of reasonable understanding. It is extremely hard and painful, but this is the time for you to be as kind and loving as you can be (without being too "clingy") and let this affair die out. If the OM is pushing her away, then hopefully she will come to her senses on her own. Good luck!
Me (BS) - 46
WH - 51
Together 17 y., married 12
DDay (#3!) - 1st May
TBD whether recovery is in the cards
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Keep em coming. Thanks WS is here with MIL and kiddies so I may not be back until later.
Brian
Moral of the Mayonnaise Jar: Do you want a full life? Or just sand? --------------------------------------------------------------- BS: Me: 33 WS: 32 Married 10 years Affair Started: May 06 Exposure: July 06 Daughter 4 years Son 2 years
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Brian, Just really got me excited. It should, shouldn't it? Nope. You don't want to be excited---they call dealing with an affair a "roller coaster" and you don't want to get all manic with information. As LA said, you do not want to be reactive. You want to act---consistant plan A at this point. Have you made an appt for MB counseling? That's on your "to do" list...
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""Two his conscience is finally catching up to him. Which in that case he no longer feels good about what he is doing."" CONSCIENCE!?!?!?!?! BWWWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> As Gov Arnold would say...Dhat waasss ah goot wwoonnn! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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OK you got me but guess what I do try to see the good in people.
LOL.
Don't get too excited Thor you have to take it for what it is.
It is him saying it not her. When it comes out of her mouth be gaurdedly optimisitc.
BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby
When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
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Brian - Often in these tempting situations the best thing to do is - nothing.
I agree with LA on maintaining your Plan A. Let this be motivation to make it pristine. Be the best YOU you can be. And avoid LBs like the plague.
It may be real tempting to contact OM, but I don't think you need to. There's more chance that doing so will reveal your sources. If OM really means it, nothing you say can make it more so.
JMHO
WAT
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That was just a game. He's a player, and playing her for a fool. That is the typical I feel so sorry for you line of crap, as he knows it makes her feel like he's listening to her. Ya know, it's so easy to listen to a person who is hurting, and regurgitate their feelings to them. Gheez. If he really meant what he said, he'd leave her. Look past your emotions and see it for what it is, it's the way he plays the game. It's the way he's playing your wife.
-hang in there
9 years now ... and some days you still say grrr!
Hang in there.
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Well it might be a good time for a call to the OM.
It seems as though 1 of 2 things is happening.
One he is tired of your wife and wants the easy way out. He might feel like he can't dump someone that has given up so much to be with him.
Two his conscience is finally catching up to him. Which in that case he no longer feels good about what he is doing.
Either way he may actually be your best chance right now.
Someone in that relationship is starting to think clearly and that is the one that could save your M.
That is just my opinion. IME it's the OPs way of looking noble in the Wayward's eyes. "Oh, look, I'll give up everything for YOU to be happy." It's bunk. You know it's bunk because it's being said by the OP.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Hey look!
RookKev and I said the same thing with different words.
Rook! Get out of my mouth and my head.
BTW: I'm missing a piece of gum. Check your shoe. It's either on your shoe or Pep's...she's snagging words outta my mouth all the time too!
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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9 years now ... and some days you still say grrr!
Hang in there.
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That was just a game. He's a player, and playing her for a fool. That is the typical I feel so sorry for you line of crap, as he knows it makes her feel like he's listening to her. Ya know, it's so easy to listen to a person who is hurting, and regurgitate their feelings to them. Gheez. If he really meant what he said, he'd leave her. Look past your emotions and see it for what it is, it's the way he plays the game. It's the way he's playing your wife.
-hang in there Exactly. I think I got excited because things were coming apart. I found out that he was drunk when he said it from midnight to @4 AM. Then, @5:30AM they resumed their talk and WS claims they have resolved the problem...sort of. Sort of? Anyway, today I am feeling much better, having come back from IC. We talked about it and she agreed, but also said that I was not her girlfriend. That is gf talk, not for H. She thinks that this may lead to desperation on my W part (she has met her) and that could push them further apart. Anyway, Thank you all for keeping me focused on plan A. Plan B may not be far off. THANKS AGAIN Brian
Moral of the Mayonnaise Jar: Do you want a full life? Or just sand? --------------------------------------------------------------- BS: Me: 33 WS: 32 Married 10 years Affair Started: May 06 Exposure: July 06 Daughter 4 years Son 2 years
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Thor, ""I found out that he was drunk when he said it from midnight to @4 AM. Then, @5:30AM they resumed their talk and WS claims they have resolved the problem...sort of."" Aaahhhh yyeeesss, the drunken OM..what a nice visual!! So she was up all night with a drunk and @ 5:30 (when he started to sober up?) they resolved the problem...sort of. HOUSTON WE HAVE A NEW PROBLEM...A DRUNK PROBLEM!! this may be where the "sort of" comes in. I think it may be unraveling by itself with ..NO HELP FROM YOU! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> krk
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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Counter attack:
Today: WS was at my house with MIL (who is spending night but WS has gone back to her OM).
She asked a Q about what do you think about...
My reply, "Your happiness is more important to me than how I feel," I turned away from her, pausing for dramatic effect, then said, "It always has been."
I'd like to thank the acadamy and all my friends at Marriage Builders.
I asked her about address change and packing things and getting her name off deed. Her foggy reply, (mind you, she doesn't live with me and the kids) "Why are you pushing me away?"
Anyone ever get anything like that? I laughed out loud. I thought she was joking.
Moral of the Mayonnaise Jar: Do you want a full life? Or just sand? --------------------------------------------------------------- BS: Me: 33 WS: 32 Married 10 years Affair Started: May 06 Exposure: July 06 Daughter 4 years Son 2 years
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I got one like that:
My WH told me he wanted a divorce because he was concerned about my health.
I'm the one on AD's and going to IC.
I asked him to explain how a divorce would be good for me.
He never answered...
johnstwin-
"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther
Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!
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Thor,
"""Why are you pushing me away?"""
Get ready for an email like Papaof3 received!
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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This is good, IMO.
It doesn't mean it's over, or that it won't start back up again several times, but it means they're not living the fantasy 24/7 anymore.
WAT was there for me through many a time where, from my FWH's complaints about the OW (often her drunkenness bothered him), I hoped things were j u s t a b o u t to come unravelled. And they were, in the grand scheme of things, it just seems like longer when you're in it.
You may very well end up going to Plan B, but by doing it when there has not just been a major event, ie reactively, it will have far more punch.
Keep your chin up - you're getting there.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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