lol,lol,lol,lol,lol

thanks for the list.

truly you guys are a gift from God.

suggestions anybody.

as she goes out. and i see her out from our driveway what do i say to her?.

i used to say i" i will be here for you...."

i need to say something different.

just not sure what.

please advise. nothing to drive her away but enough that i dont approve.

Get your son ready to go out somewhere and you guys leave at the same time she does(or get a babysitter, if it's too late for him to go out)...Invite her to join you...She will decline...That's okay...Let her see you as a happy person that will make it one way or another..."We'd love to have you along, Be safe, See you soon", or something to that effect...

Mrs. W

Remember that it's okay 2 tell her that you'd rather she didn't go out.

But remain cheerful. Plan some activity with your kid(s) for 2night and let your W know she can participate if she wants 2. Or plan some activity by yourself, for yourself, if you have a babysitter arrangement.

Again, remain cheerful and true 2 yourself and your M.

best,
-ol' 2long

LOL!

MrsW beat me 2 the punch!

-ol' 2long

i really believe that god will move his mighty hand to do HIS will. i however realized that it has changed my character in a very positive way.

i am guilty of:
Repeatedly say "I love you"
Say, "I've changed"....allow the wayward spouse to simply judge your actions
Act helpless or depressed
GIVE UP 9depends on mood swing)


Do i call her at work?

i think not..it sorta break the mystery created this morning.

"Never trust anything" i am told. her hugging me . dont take that as anything positive?

talk to me.

you guys are great support.

pity so much hurt is online.

we live in rural country.

maybe i can get a DVD movie and get pop-corn.And have a paint session with him. Then invite her. What do you think?

what do i say when she declines?

forgot to tell you. She is taking him fishing the whole day Sunday.

spoke about Her time with her.
and My Time with him.

this burns me.

Does this alter our plans. Sorry guys, i cant think straight.

heart tearing up just now.

Please tell me Ms.W that i can make it. Please tell me that based on your recovery that my WW stands a good chance of making it.

i am thinking of saying."honey .if you are going out to hang with friends, have a great time. If you are going out with OM know that it is cheating and it is unacceptable, it has and will continue to hurt us. you cannot be happy like that. please be safe. i care for you."


is that ok? ms.W anyone?

nc:

I wouldn't call her at work. Leave her with the positive message you gave this morning. Calling her might sound clingy.

By all means take the hugging as positive, but don't put a lot of stock in even the positive things she does until the A is over and she's committed 2 the marriage.

Your evening idea is a good one. by all means ask her 2 join you. If she declines, and she probably will, don't show your disappointment, stay positive.

Offer to go fishing, but again don't look 2 down if she refuses, as she likely will.

I'll let Mrs W speak for herself, but from my view you will most certainly make it. Where you will be or who you'll be with in a few years time I can't say, but you will be a better H then, that I know for sure. And as you become a better, less needy H, your W will benefit as well. Obviously, the hope is that she'll want 2 end her A and recover with you, but we truly can't know whether that will be the outcome here.

Just know that you can hope, but you can't expect. Expecting 2 much from my W after d-day got me in2 the most trouble of anything I did. I have no expectations anymore, and I'm happier because of it.

I wouldn't say all that regarding her evening out. Just say that you'd rather she chose 2 spend the evening with you and your son. Remember 2 leave her with a pic2re of a happy H and son in her head as she walks out the door. Let her have that on her mind if she sees the OM!

-ol' 2long

Yes. you r right.

no need to drive a nail into the coffin.

i will go have a great time with my son. Do something different than watching disney channel.

wouldnt it tear at your soul to leave a family and go have sex with a "friend" (emotionally or otherwise)

i need to be strong for my son.

i love him world without end.

oh i offered to go fishing with them and she flat out told me no.

i shook my head and that started a one sided fight. (hers)

so i guess thats i no-no area.

you know i realized that what happen to me is alot like rape (at least from what i heard).

it was sudden, (the discovery), brutal(emotional rollercoaster),and dazed (praying that it was a dream)

its like driving on I95 on autocruise. then violently coming to a halt.(AKA crash)

betrayal of trust has to be the most catostrophic emotion that one can experience.

Zlong are you about at the same point as myself?

nc007...

Sorry that I seemed to desert you...I was bad and indulgent and took a nap...sssshhhh...keep that on the downlow...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Yes, nc007 YOU WILL MAKE IT...No matter what happens, YOU will be okay...You will come out of this a stronger person...Exposure is key in ending this nightmare...

The fishing trip...the only thing that worries me about that, is that she may be planning on having OM around your son...THAT is NOT a good thing, I know you'll agree...Your son needs stability, and does not need to be exposed to OM at all...Further, I would worry about whether or not they would watch him properly around water...I know that you've said that you live rurally, but do you have a store where you could purchase a voice activated digital recorder that you could put in her car tonight before she goes out? That could provide you with many pieces of the puzzle, including whether he is to be included in the upcoming fishing trip...You must protect your child at all costs...


Mrs. W

no she is going with her girlfriend and GF brother. i have proof of that . so i am not worried.

if she took OM with her and this friend then i am mortified.

i hope not.

w i am going with suggestion of just asking her to join us and when she says no. then just smile and go have fun with son.

i told him this morning that i am going to do everything within my power to save our family.

he smiled and said OK.

i reality do you still need time to sort yourself out too?

or is that fog babble?

guess what.........i hour to go and i still havent called her yet. i think i will make it.

is there anyway to "covertly " meet her emotional needs?

she doesnt want to share her feelings with me or anyone i know. Then she listened to her 'friend' that told her she must do what makes her happy.
(told her sister)

do you think growing up in an abusive background would have any play on her mindset when she lashes out at men in general?

or am i making excuses for her.

Really nc007, you will drive yourself batty trying to figure out the mind of a WS...there is no rationalizing with the irrational...It is best to focus on you and your son...And EXPOSURE...Don't try to decipher what she says, it will do you no good...She is in conflict and will change with the wind right now...In recovery, that is when SHE must address her issues and why she choose to stray...You can only control you...One day at a time...with God...k?

Mrs. W