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would it help if i gave you his home # ?
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2long i really need to ponder your last post it has many hidden insight for me. Please help me.
please expound on:
Something that 2k me a long time 2 learn here was that it's good 2 WANT 2 continue 2 be with my W, so long as i don't NEED 2 be with her... ...because she has a mind of her own and (obviously) was capable of making choices 2 be intimate with someone else in secret - which hurt because I grew 2 think I couldn't live without her.
because i feel this currently.
Thank you.
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To be myself is "attractive" instead of being "clingy" and needy.
i feel like am slowly understanding this philosophy. If i pour time and love into my son, will that be an indicator too?
teach me more.
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guess what .....i am being tempted by a young co-worker here and she is very attractive. It scares me.
part want to go with her "hints". Yet replused by the thought.
i would go with the flow of anger.
i know that it is not the right thing , but there is that anger issue to what has happened to me.
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would it help if i gave you his home # ? Um, yeah...lol...Am I mistaken in thinking that he lives with his GF? Because if he does, then why aren't you just calling her and exposing? Sorry, if I've missed something...I am a blonde...duh! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W P.S. You can email Mr. W and I the number, our address is in my signature line...
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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ahhhhhhhh sorry.....not thinking clearly. plse understand. lol.
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guess what .....i am being tempted by a young co-worker here and she is very attractive. It scares me.
part want to go with her "hints". Yet replused by the thought.
i would go with the flow of anger.
i know that it is not the right thing , but there is that anger issue to what has happened to me. Okay...Is your MB Big Sister gonna have to "Come Back to Jamaica" and stomp your butt??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I am serious, however when I tell you VERY STERNLY...NO!!!NO!!!NO!!! This is NOT the answer...NO WAY...That is part of this instant gratification society that we live in...It will solve NOTHING...and it will rob you of your integrity and your son of the life you have promised him...NO!!! Anytime you feel tempted, think of your son...nc007, you seem to be a religious man, as you ask for prayers, what would God want you to do? I have another suggestion...carry your Bible with you wherever you go...It's very difficult to climb over Matthew, Mark, Luke and John to get to that young co-worker, eh? Further, do you realize that unlike God, Satan can not read your thoughts...when you feel this kind of temptation, OUTLOUD tell Satan to leave you alone...no joke...I very much believe that infidelity is spiritual warfare...Grab a helmet nc007! Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Mr. W talk to me . did you buy new clothes and go out alone? etc.
is it wise to show independence from her?
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lol.
nah dont think you need to kick my but.
tell you what when we pull through this. i am inviting you guys to My place.
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2long i really need to ponder your last post it has many hidden insight for me. Please help me. Simply that the best marriages are and remain between 2 individuals who are WHOLE on their own (they know the difference between lonliness and soli2de, for example), and are delighted 2 SHARE their happiness - which comes from within one's self, not from someone else - by committing 2 each other. So, they WANT 2 be 2gether, but they're not destroyed as individuals if they're not - they don't NEED 2 be married 2 be whole people on their own. You've probably noticed by now that it is possible 2 be lonely even when you're with other people, because loneliness describes an "emptiness" within ourselves, not how many people are around us or how far they are away. Loneliness is distressing, because we feel incomplete or inadequate in some way. You may also have noticed that it is possible 2 feel very fulfilled, or complete, when you are alone. Soli2de can be quite peaceful - like having time alone 2 think, or enjoy the view from the rim of the Grand Canyon (aka "Golly Gully"). -ol' 2long
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Mr. W talk to me . did you buy new clothes and go out alone? etc.
is it wise to show independence from her? Okay, I know that you said Mr. W, but I'll have to do, as I know that he is unavailable right now...Yes, he did buy new clothes, new cologne, and REALLY SEXY new underwear too!!! And he never said a word to me about it, he just let me notice on my own...And yes, he went out, not so much on his own, but with our daughter, and he always invited me to come...I always declined...I feel so much sadness about all that I missed...But those are my part of my consequences for the selfish, poor life choices that I made...I can never regain those times and experiences with them...Those are forever lost to me...Perhaps the one time that I feel the least sad about was some chamber music concert of some sort that they attended...not that I don't wish I would have been part of the time with them, but honestly, the music, they can keep...lol...He knows that too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Yes, it is good to show some independence...Always be mindful to invite her to enjoy life with you as you continue living it... Okay, I want to get something straight...Does OM live with his GF? Do you really have the phone number? If the answer to both of those questions is yes, then why aren't you calling her to expose? Set me straight nc007...I really want to help you help yourself here... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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k
1. i have never got the girlfriend on this number.
2. i think they live together. Not 100$ sure.
3. I am still loking for other numbers.
4. dont want to call home # too often then hangup
he works from home. Contractor.
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she said to me yesterday that on saturday when our son said that he wanted to stay with me , she went out later but cried the whole time at the airport. about the statement. then came home.
who knew?
out of the mouth of babes.
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in a sense do i ignore her? yet meet her needs?
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k
1. i have never got the girlfriend on this number.
2. i think they live together. Not 100$ sure.
3. I am still loking for other numbers.
4. dont want to call home # too often then hangup
he works from home. Contractor. About calling and hanging up...I'm not sure how things work in Jamaica, if you are worried about caller ID, if you dial *67 before you dial, then your number won't show up...Disguise your voice each time and ask for different people...Get other people to call for you...Do whatever you have to, but KEEP CALLING...YOUR MARRIAGE DEPENDS ON IT...Who cares what OM thinks? Heck, why not bug him and make him paranoid? That is a good thing...You want to inject chaos into his world... There are sites where you can do a reverse lookup with a phone number to get an address-not sure about Jamaica...email us the phone number, We'll see what we can do with it! If your wife brings up OM, use this as an opportunity to find out the girlfriend's name...You know, say something like "When is he marrying, um, what was her name again?" Trick her in to helping you with this exposure...KWIM? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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LOL...Sorry..."Know What I Mean", KWIM? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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in a sense do i ignore her? yet meet her needs? Um, yeah, tricky, huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Here is a list known as "The 180 Plan"...I do not agree with all of it, such as the don't spy part...I feel very strongly that you SHOULD "spy" or "snoop"...I believe that you definitely MUST inspect what you expect...Doing the 180 in conjunction with Plan A is a very precarious balancing act...I think it takes some finesse...I have confidence in you nc007...The 180 is one of those things where you take what you need and leave the rest, KWIM? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W Here's the 180. Of course not all of it applies.
1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on spouse.
11. Do not say "I Love You".
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show her someone she would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic.
23. Do not argue about how she feels (it only makes their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly.
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared.
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Would love to hear the mindset Mr.W was in at my point.
sometimes i wonder if i passed a point in trying to "save" her EN and slowly massage it back to health.
i am in eternal hope that based on yesterday to slowly listen to her wordings to agree and help.
later.
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