She wants me to carry our son home and she goes out (i think to spend time with the widow....then again.......)

I am trying to be there for her. I asked what would she do for clothes tomorrow and she said that she is coming home tonight.

Said OK then..i will take care of our DS and told her to keep her head up. God will get her through this.

just remember: if you call her 10 times a day.. even if every single one of those times is an offer to help her... its gets really irritating, after even the 4th call.


she heard you the first time.
really.

man let me tell you.......its hard to stop sometimes.

bear with me.

probably need a daily reminder.

maybe hourly <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I know. i've been there.
Put a sticky note on your desk phone, "dont call her" or something <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

nc:

read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle

It'll give you something (yourself) 2 dwell on for a change.

-ol' 2long

She is gone to her friend for the funeral this weekend (girlfriend). So i pretty much have our DS this weekend.

can a plan a be done w/o calling her at work to say hi?

mind you.i have put that stickie up on my monitor.
"dont call her"........what if this guy calls her my mind says...cant do anything about that.

Good grief! imagine having to go another 3 months of this.

you know what is bothering me........its the memories of what we had before that keeps flooding my mind.

the happier times.

well, sure, you should talk to her sometimes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Just not five times a day. Maybe even once a day is a little too much for her right now. I dont think any of us know. You probably arent going to be able to judge that well either <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

My guess is that you call her so much right now, that she never bothers calling you. So, my personal guess is that when you have found a reduced frequency where she occasionally calls YOU, then that's a pretty good level.
otherwise, the "bottom" level is probably around once every two days?

Maybe I'm wrong: maybe some part of her likes you chasing her. But most of the other stories about WSs seem to indicate that most of them really dont like that sort of thing.

This morning i woke up feeling like...to ****** with this .

let me kick her out and move on.

i am tired of her own pity party.

am i wrong to feel this?

is it that she is trying to figure out things so slowly that it is impacting others in her life?

whats going on with me.

i just feel like end it. (the fight that is)

I am in one of those "downswing times" . You know ...it is really hard when you give and give w/o seeing anything in return.

You know... i went ito the rest room and had a good cry. I realize that i myself cant change her and that all my giving to her may not be acknowledged in the end.

She may or may not come out of her fog and i will have to accept that.

There is NOTHING i can do to change her feelings that seems real to her.

i will just have to accept these things.

love and wait.

i Pray to God she sees the changes in my life.

You can only change what you have the power to change and pray for the ability to accept that which you can not change.

There is "hope" in giving up trying to force reconciliation. You are no longer needy and desparate. Plan A is much more effective when you focus on you and your life and accept that YOU will make it regardless of the outcome. Of course, you still try to affect "change" in WW but you do it calmly and with calculation.

You are far to emotional right now to decide whether YOU want out of the relationship so just relax, have patience, stop trying to "fix" it and stick to your plan. Put off even considering divorcing her yourself for at least 9 months or a year. You are young...no hurry.

After awhile is she continues to abuse you (infidelity IS abuse) then you must set up a deadline for when YOU need to go to Plan B. Plan B is not intended to manipulate your wife to shape up. It's for when you honestly can not take it anymore and you can no longer wait for your wife to get it. Plan B is intended for you to distance yourself from the source of the hurt (your WW) so that you CAN attempt recovery when she does "get it".

Dr. Harley suggests about 6 months of Plan A. If she moves out maybe sooner.

Have patience.

Act, Don't React.

Peace,

Mr. Wondering

how is Ms.W?

Well our DS has asked about his mom then said that he loved me and mom and his family. this again he repeated when WW was home yesterday. (Cool how hurricane ernesto skirted us; any i digress)

This morning i gave her a rose and said." A rose for a rose"
WW reply" dont call me a rose i am not one"
i said " you cant tell me how to perceive you. you are my best friend"

WW :" Then is this how you treat your friends? diss them then seek luv and friendship?"

Me: " sorry if you see it that way. i am learning about grace and that i cannot afford this bitterness to be passed on to our son"

WW:"it is easy for me to remember the bad things and what my father did. i dont really remember the good things"

Me:"For what its worth.....i consider you my best friend, my closest friend and i trust you explicitely (ok mind. maybe 70%)

when i got out of the car i said to her: "For whats its worth; i love you still"

I thought i saw her smile.even slightly.

then she said bye and beeped her horn on her way to work.

called her later asking if she got something to eat. We left early this morning.

WW reply in playful(?) mock tone" awwwwwwwwwwww you care for me."

told her bye and havent called.

maybe a good day. i dont know.

Just trying to deposit enough love units and pray she opens up one day.

on our way to work she also said that she will not discuss her personal feeling with anyone ever. Her feeling is for herself.

I ignored that.

still plan A and praying.

I have decided that for everytime she spews venom i will be level headed and spew love.and frmness and reassurance.

pray for me.

Last night we spoke again.

some things came to the forefront.

She wanted me to stop complementing her. she doesnt feel beautiful.

stop making her breakfast and kissing her good morning.

not to trust her and to leave her to sort herself out. My "friend"(OK .........so now HE IS MY FRIEND?) is getting married in 2 months.

i told her i am in it for the long haul. she wanted to know what that means. Told her if she needed a hand that i am there to help.

Told her also not to dictate to me where or who should give my love and trust to.

She said she notice the botheration in my face whenever the phone rings. (she notices???)

i told her that i will deal with my problems in that area.
i repeated that she is my closest friend and i am not about to split at the first sign of trouble.

She fell asleep. This morning i got bust , hum a tune and look about myself and DS. she said i could say good morning. I went across and kissed her then said morning.

Made her a sandwich for work.

later we spoke about politics and i leftr the car.

this morning ended ok i guess.

Trying so hard not to call her now.

Today,This morning wasnt so good. Made breakfast as usual and woke her good morning. I didnt kiss her just rested my hands on her shoulder and gently pushed her awake.

My hands were resting on her and talking to her about today when she said whats with all the hands on her. why am i smoothering her. I pulled back in shock because i forgot SA(situation awareness).

I tried avoiding her since then and complementing her only on her outfit this morning.

her reply" So i only look good to you this morning?"

talking about taking 2 steps forward and one step back.

the WW trying to walk.

makes me almost want to retaliate in kind so i can think less about her feelings(I know its wrong........its just a thought.)

today may be a bit turbulent.

in it for the long haul.

Hi NC,

I just finished reading through this entire thread.

I think it is wonderful that the OM is getting married.

Wooo Hooo!!!

She sounds to me like she feels crappy with herself. As well as being depressed about her fantasies w/ OM not panning out. She's probably going through alot of inner turmoil and needs some space to come to terms w/ what is real. It sounds like she feels pretty disqusted w/ herself right now, and your constant love and forgiveness is so opposite the way she has been behaving that she feels she doesn't deserve you or your love. At least that may be part of her rejecting you. So BE CAREFUL. Watch yourself. She needs to sort through this mess herself. It is a painful process, but one that SHE must do HERSELF. You cannot do it for her.

Just be patient and continue doing the 180, and plan A. Re-read the plans again.

Hold your head up. I believe you can win her back.

Man i am so greatful for your encouraging words.

Luv to you

Starting to go out regularly. Starting tonite. and having fun.

guess i was caught off guard with the 2 previous days of encouragement in communication.

Good. Enjoy yourself!

i was just wondering . she taking off her ring.....she did so over a month ago. does this means that she is out of her marriage? she said that i should not have noticed(?).....yeah right.

Ignore it.

She's still w/ you. The A is over. You are getting stronger. Keep focused on the positive things that have recently happened.

You don't have to lug around that sack of guilt your wife does. Enjoy yourself, you upright man!