Hello fellow MB posters. I'm in the process of being divorced within a matter of days now. My wife "checked out" on me and never tried to work together on our marriage, even though I wanted to. ANYWAY...this is not the point of my post here.

What I want to know is how do you meet new people?

Where do you meet them? How do you approach people and meet them?

I'm a shy guy who doesn't have very many friends anyway. I work out of the home so it can get isolating.

I would love to here anyone's tips and advice on how you network and make new friends, meet potential mates, and how you approach people if you don't know them.

Please share your tips... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

First of all be yourself....whether you are shy or outgoing, dont try and change that. Next, if you have a hobby of some sort, alot of times you can meet people there. Go out and mingle with the afterwork crowd (not necessarily happy hour) but maybe a place where they serve dinner also. Start going to the gym and working out. You can also meet alot of available people at common places such as the supermarket.....EVERYONE has to eat. LOL. Basically, just get out there if you can, and make yourself seen. I was in the same boat as you.....tossed to the wind by my EX. I was with my EX for 15yrs and married for 9yrs, so I was real rusty at meeting females. I actually met my wife the first time at a Chilis after work on day. She was invited by another friend.....there was actually a group (6 or so people)of us eating dinner at a table. The second time I saw her......we both had our kids at Chuck E Cheese pizza. We basically were friends at first, and it just blossomed from there.

Get out there and do some things.......meeting new people will soon follow.

As far as meeting women...

Half the planet is women! They're EVERYWHERE...you'd think this wouldn't be a problem...

But it comes down to couple of small things:

1) How do you feel about yourself? Do you respect who you are? Are you confident you have something to offer a woman? Almost ALL difficulties come down to these things. If you repsect yourself, you won't allow yourself to be used - thus garnering respect from those around you. If you are "in touch" with what you have to offer a woman, then you can avoid a lot of the nervousness in meeting them becasue you've already decided what your good points are...and you're prepared to manage the bad ones. Improve your repertiore...learn to DANCE...learn to play an instrument...

2) Women are just as scared of us as we are of them! It's true! They react differently to this fear they feel. Some women feel "out of control" and will be rude to you so they can feel "in control". It's not about you. Just excuse yourself and wish them a good day.

3) Women will appreciate a man who seeks to put her at ease...not one who goes over the top with humor or lines. Openess and approachability on your part helps her. Don't be afraid to open up.

4) Pay attention to your grooming. You might not be Brad Pitt, but that's no excuse for not taking care of yourself. You can be attentive without being vain. I had dental work done...and I don't regret it at all. I work out and try to eat right. I have a friend I trust help me with clothes.

5) See the beauty in EVERY woman but don't settle for less than you want. Here's an example...I'm not interested in a smoker...if she smokes, it's a no go regardless of her other qualities. BUT I can still smile and treat her with respect. DO NOT "DISCARD" a person simply because she is not your choice! She is still a valuable human being and deserves your respect. BE GRACIOUS!!!

6) Be a positive person. If you glow with positive energy, others want to bathe in your aura. You will attract an entourage. I found this out by accident.


THINGS NOT TO DO! -

1) Don't comment on her looks...you come across as crass or worse yet, a stalker. There will be time later to compliment her appearance. Compliment her intelligence (That's an excellent wine you've chosen!) or her personality (It was good to see someone being so kind to that old gentlemen...that is rare!)

2) Avoid apologizing for stuff..."I'm sorry for interrupting, etc, etc" You're NOT sorry...you're doing it on purpose!

3) If you sense she's not interested...STOP. Smile and wish her a wonderful day. If you leave her with a smile, she might be in a different mood tomorrow <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I've met many attractive women like this. 80% of the time, I get a cup of coffee or a phone number. It is very rare that anyone has been rude to me...as I do my best to respect them and not be pushy.

The older lady I was in relationship with said she loved the way that I acted like a kid in a candy shop when we were together...that I enjoyed her so. But I wasn't her lap dog and she knew it.

Any man who can show this part himself to a woman WILL be attractive...

Oh lastly...I NEVER CYBERDATE...I don't even "chat". There is TOO much to critical information to learn about a woman in the first five minutes to trust meeting on a computer (or phone).

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Low, I have to say, you really got it going on........even your post made you attractive and I've never even laid eyes on you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

It's all about quiet confidence and being comfy in your own skin

How goes it w/ your ex-W?

This is exactly correct. It's also about understanding that another person's world...that you have just met...doesn't revolve around you. They may be in the mood they're in for a million different reasons. Rejections aren't personal. Even if they were, it's only that person...you might be perfectly suited for the next person you talk to...



Actually, we've opened the door to a little more dialog and even the possibility of reconciliation. I've invited her to visit me in SA...on my dime...she hasn't said yes yet.

That makes me a little conflicted about going out with other women at this point...if I'm really committed to reconciling, then I shouldn't see anyone(?)...but then again, it pretty boring a lot of evening here and I do enjoy the company of the opposite sex <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I'm just teasing...as long as she seems interested in reconciling...I'm going to give it a chance...and no dating...

LowOrbit,

Hey, thanks for all the tips. That was great! I will make note of it, you really know your stuff. Now I just need to get the confidence to look them in the eye and to talk to them...and most of all, places to find them. I'm a naturally shy and kind person, so this will be a challenge.

So why are you so against meeting someone you find online? Why not just meet for coffee and keep it simple?

Thanks again!

Like I said...they're everywhere.

Grocer, druggist, hardware store, doctor waiting rooms, church, laundry, ...you name it...

For you, Paul...I'd suggest you take dance lessons...ballroom, western, swing...etc. You may even meet someone there. At a minimum, it will help you get comfortable with being in close proximity to a woman you've just met.

I actually don't like bars quite as much...I think when we go to a "meat market", people (men and women) immediately adopt a sort of cynical mindset. I like to GO to a bar or tavern with someone I've met, but not go with the intent of "picking up" someone.


I'm learning to trust my intuition...my little inner voice...I've learned that, somehow, there's a little part of me that's capable of making very quick and accurate assessements...if only I'd listen to it. I may not understand all that it tells me, but I choose to have faith that it's right.

When you hookup online, you undermine everything your "intuition" connects with. All you see is words on screen or a well posed photo. You really know NOTHING about this person.

In all honesty, I might be open to making a "contact" online, but it would have to be followed up with an in person meeting. This wouldn't be my first choice. I would never "develop" a relationship online.

On-line connections are comfortable for some folks because they have COMPLETE control of what they show someone. They can "hide" behind the computer if they want to. They can choose their persona. It's a way of avoiding "putting yourself out there". JMHO

While I'm sure others think differently, when I see someone put out an online ad, I think a few things...either this person is AFRAID of the real world, this person is too lazy to put energy into meeting folks IRL (which does take work), or this person has something to hide.

I'm not interested in meeting anyone with those issues.

LO, you've written some good points here. About the above, some of us don't have the time due to work or kids to expand our social circles, so it's not necessarily laziness, but a time issue. (Not that I've met anyone online anyway).

There are lots of great ideas in his post. My area also has a singles walking club. Sounds like a great idea and they also do civic activities. There are many things to do, if you have the time.

And this is my point exactly...if you don't have TIME to do this, why should I think you have time for ME...

I understand how busy people can be, but we all get the same amoutn of time and we all CHOOSE how we're going to manage it.

If you're not willing to put meeting people higher in your priority list...then a potential relationship just doesn't mean that much to you.

BTW, I like your sig line quote...

Paul...here's another, somewhat radical idea...

If you are so shy that you are essentially paralyzed...then you might consider contacting a psychiatrist about this until you gain a little more confidence...

radical idea, I know.

I am a rather shy person as well. I've been *trying* just to chat with people going about my day - not just men - women, too - just in an effort to be more comfortable with it. At the bank, in line at the grocery store, in the elevator even. Just innocuous conversation, just for the sake of it. Not really trying to meet anyone, just be, well, not as shy.

cyllanlisa, that is EXACTLY what I'm doing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'm trying to say hi to strangers in any small situation just to get my feet wet. Baby steps really. This will hopefully bring me out of my shell and develop a sense of courage and confidence...the keys to real communication.

Take a pottery class. For the three years I've been teaching I've had two men in class, one 22 the other 67. I've had many women of all ages.

LO, for me online dating sites are nothing more than an introduction. Two people MUST meet to know anything about each other. At first I wanted to carry on some conversation before meeting but now like to keep it to a minimium & arrange to meet if we find we're interested. I work not to invest, indulge in the what if stuff, until we meet.

Pottery class sounds cool...was Demi Moore in "Ghost" that did pottery? Very sensuous...

I see what you're saying about introductions...

I suppose the things I'm most averse to is actually having a cyber-relationship. I find that concept bizarre, but I know from reading here how often it happens and how seriously people take them.

It's just not for me...I like to see someone in 3-D...hear them...watch them move...

Some might think I'd advocate "speed dating", but this is another phenomenon I don't really get.

oh gawd, not the Demi Morre "Ghost" thing again! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

What? Did I say something wrong? Is it not so? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Take a class LO, the only way to know for sure is to do it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

LO, thanks for the comment about the quote. I'm learning to live it, and remind myself of it everyday.

I think there is some safety in not meeting someone. I don't have time, and really don't intend to make time right now, so I should get off the m site, but keep up a profile just in case prince charming seeks me out <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Re: cyberdating. Could getting involved deeply by cyberdating be similar to an emotional affair? In that, you like what you know about that person and they are meeting some key emotional needs, but that's it's impossible for them to meet all of your needs. It certainly sounds emotionally safer for those of us not yet willing to put ourselves fully out there again.

Just a thought. I'm guessing you are far further along on the recovery stage than I.