Dru,

Sorry my Son is 11. We were legally married 9 years ago. I have checked with an attorney and that is when the M started no matter what. It was one of my main concerns.

Hope,

I am taking responsibility for my part.

Hard to document every thing I do with the kids. Suffice it to say that at least 4 times a week when I get home I go out and play with them.

The last two nights was wiffle ball until after 8pm.

I drop them at school everyday. Last year was the first year I did that and they were not tardy one time.

When FWW was a SAHM she did it and they had several tardies.

HMMM responsible parent alert. I was assitant coach for YS baseball team. ETC.

I am a great father. PAT ON MY OWN BACK.

Last night OS said mom doesn't do anything with us. She is too busy talking to her friends. He said the other day he tried to ask her something and she blew him off and said go ask dad cause she was on the phone.

My YS told her the other night he wished she would just leave. My OS called her a witch last night. LOL.

Even though I was pissed at her I told him he shouldn't do that.

I told him that the words you say about someone might be the last words you ever say to them.

I told him there are children that have said that and their parents die and that is the last thing they ever said to them.

These two boys would be better off with me.

If she thinks she is entitled to more any lawyer would tell her no.

If she wanted to fight it out with me then the kids would have to be brought in. If that happens she looks even worse for making them tell the details of what she has done.

I hear you HL and I sincerely hope this may be the first step of a long walk to recovery, but again, never underestimate someone or a situation, paricularly when it comes to protecting your children from someone's unstable, immoral or otherwise behavior and influence should it come to that.

I have a child custody hearing of my own coming up in three weeks from yesterday. I know and everyone knows that I am the better parent (even my WW and STBXH if she were or could be honest with herself). The case should be a slam dunk given the evidence and credibility I have in my corner BUT I am taking no chances and documenting and collecting evidence out the wazoo. I may not win but it will not be from not being overly prepared and ready for battle, that I promise.

Here's to wishing you the best. Do you think you could get your WW/FWW??? to come here and read posts?

Hold on..

what exactly has she done to deserve and take abuse like that from her own children?

I have 3 children, none of which are over 7 years old. But I don't see myself or my wife ever tolerating that.

Sounds as though your boys resent your wife?

But isnt the 10-year thing just a guideline? Do you think a judge is going to quibble over a few months? And if you ran out today, the D could take longer than a year... would you be covered?

And... what do you want? Does what you want change with her last phone call? If not, are you going to file?

Just looking for clarification. Please take care tonight!

Watch for her recording your conversations or trying to provoke a physical response. I've been here long enough to have seen these tactics used by WW's. Just be careful - Dru

Hope,

Yes and in a sense I am really lucky she hit me and I had her arrested. That is the biggest no no in the world when it comes to child custody. Followed by addiction.

The third is the other stuff.

Do I think she would come here. NO.

Right after D Day I found this site. I bookmarked the sections on how to recover etc.

She came one time. Thats right one time. Didn't like being called a FWW or anything you call someone that committed adultry. She was not that person anymore.

Then she said she didn't agree anyway.

Our first MC brought up a point system which was similar to the love bank. I brought up the love bank.

She said she doesn't agree with those either.

I finally had to say on the left is the pile of bad crap, on the right is the pile of good crap. When the pile of good crap gets bigger then the pile of bad crap we will have a good M. If you continue to add to the pile of bad crap with a bulldozer and add the the pile of good crap with a table spoon you could see the good pile will never get bigger then the bad one.

So I wish you well in your custody battle. The first time I went to the lawyer he was astonished about how well prepared I was. He said usually the free consultation is used to tell the customer what to bring the next time.

He told me I could actually at that time get full custody with supervised visitation for her. I thought he was full of it so I went on another free consultation and the second lawyer came to the same conclusion.

I went in to the second saying I wanted 50-50 if it was possible. He laughed and said that would be an understatement.

HL -

Sorry to hear about this latest development, but it sounds like you're pretty well prepared for it. If it goes through, maybe you can use it to do some sort of Plan B (if you want)?

Though from your posts it sounds like your WW is just not willing or able to recommit to the marriage, which is sad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Also, you might want to check with MM regarding documentation for child custody. As I understand it, he had quite an extensive documentation system that helped him. Sounds a like you've got a lot of it already, but more never hurts.

I hope things work out for you.

Dru,


10 years is not just a guideline. It is the difference between long term and short term as far as alimony is concerned. Plus SSI benifits.

You can actually file a date in the past. That gets a little dicey. IE I could say on 5/6/06 I decided on a D because that is when I found out about certain things. As long as I haven't won the lottery or come into some money they would probably grant it as of that day. Unless of course that is before the 10 year date.

Her last call makes me very suspicious. Her uncle is a lawyer. I am going to see if she called him and for how long she spoke with him.

If I think she is doing this with an ulterior motive I will change my position about filing.

As far as recording for violence. First it is a misdemeanor in my state to record a conversation without the other persons knowledge. Second I am not a violent person. I have never spanked my children and I would never lay a hand on my FWW. The night she attacked me I just absorbed it then called 911. The cops even asked if I raised a hand to her and she admitted no.


Yes I agree. I think it goes back to her sense of entitlement. She is entitled to be treated like the queen I treated her like pre A. She does not see a cause and effect relationship when it comes to her behavior.

I think she really expects me to make the first step and continue until she feels comfortable to recommitt. I need the exact opposite. I have tried to kick the football to many times now. I think she needs to show a strong committment to me before I feel safe.

She doesn't understand this. Oh well we will see.

Now she is talking about MC again.

How's things today HL

Good morning HL,

I hope you are well. Please know I never suspected you'd get violent or that you have those tendencies, I just wanted to warn you that WW's can pull some pretty underhanded stuff... Police have been called, restraint orders have been issued on not much more than the H banging on a locked door or a shoving incident. Just be careful!!! And WW's often do not care about the laws - just because she cannot use something legally in court does not mean she can not use it, in some way (like to discredit you with others). Just me being extra careful... take care- Dru

Hi, I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you today also! I hope that you are still at peace with yourself. you are a wonderful person! And thank you for everything you have done for me!

HL,

I wanted to add, I've known two women who sound very much like your W, in many, many ways.

And after the D, they both trotted herds of questionable men through their kids lives. All the kids are very messed up. Both of the fathers wished they had stayed in the M just to keep the kids from being so damaged. I hope you fight like h*ll to get full custody of those kids. Just my two cents - Dru

I've seen this happen with one of my employees before, and I agree with Druc.

HL,

Is wonderful today. I have stopped letting this crap bring me down for long periods of time. It is part of the detachment process.

It doesn't mean I don't get caught up in it ever, but when I do I let it go.

Now The old FWW wants to stay together. She called an MC before the D threat and said she was going to cancel it.

Last night I came home and told the boys I was taking em to McDonalds because I didn't feel like cooking. FWW goes to meetings on Thursday. Then we played wiffle ball with all the kids. Yes I am the only dad out there and all the kids want me to play because I am nice and fun.

A buddy called me on the way home and asked if I wanted to go out for a few beers. I told him Dude I told you I can't go on Mondays or Thursdays. So we are going to try next week. Then I thought wow we are fighting and I am still considerate of her. I wonder how many H's would say yes to that even though they knew the wife that threatned to D him last night has plans. Boy was it tempting to live up to the Tag, label she has placed on me. See FWW going out with my friend even though I knew you had plans would make me a bad H. LOL.

Any way I don't know what my next step is.

I do know YS would want to live with me. OS I don't know because he was caretaker of Mom.

The funny thing is if she were to call the cops I would tell them "she has a domestic abuse on record." She is trying to get even with me. Ask the neighbors if they have even heard me raise my voice. If they heard anything it would be her yelling at me. LOL.

If I have to I will try to get full custody of the kids. I think her parading men around is a distinct possiblity.

So she called just now and asked if I called the MC. All I know is I am happy today. I love my life and I love my kids. Heck I can come home and play with my kids every night and they want me too.

Pre-dday the WS holds the cards.
Post-dday, it's be BS's turn. Recovery is in your hands. After dday, the biggest theat to the marriage is the BS. Are you ready to lead the way?

I am glad you are feeling better <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. Do you know this MC? I'd let HER pick the MC, then you do a phone interview with them to confirm they are pro-marriage before the appointment. That's what I did, I didnt want H to claim he never liked the MC.

Hope you have a nice day! - Dru

She picked. I am going to do a phone interview under the for that reason.

If I feel he isn't then I will just say he won't take our insurance as payment in full and move on.

I been trying to lead the way for 3 years now. I referenced the first 6 months after D Day. The time in which I thoght she had been radically honest with me.

I told her I bought her flowers. One night I drew her a bath, lit candles, played nice music, got her sparkling apple cider and fed her fresh fruit I had cut. Her response to that when I reminded her of that. I don't even like those things. LOL. Hey how about an E for effort.

When the cat came out of the bag she was lying I still did some of those things. Didn't mean squat because I kept getting angry every month and a half that she was still not honest with me. Thats right she said "Every month in a half". I asked her if she would wait a month and a half of trying to be nice to me when she knew I was lying and she said no. She said she wouldn't have even had SF with me until I told her the truth. Not the way she has done it but the way I have asked her to do it. She admitted that she would have expected me to do what I asked her to do. Then I asked again and she said NO. LOL.

So here we go on the rollercoaster again. Difference is now I have been on it so many times I can close my eyes and still know where the ups and downs are. LOL.

OH, the drama...can you book some studio time and direct your own soap opera...could be some good money in it for you! Just think of all the scenes...you can play the self-assured handsome doctor...and FWW...well..I'll let you choice! LOL Better yet...how would your comic book read...

My question to you is how are you feeling about this round of the ride? Are you still detacted...indifferent...

Each time and each round is like dipping your little toe into the water to see how cold it is.

The time it takes to dip your toe into the water takes a little longer each time unti finally you might go find a nice hot tub to sit in. LOL.

Right now I am still detached and in a sense indifferent.

There is only one true course of action I can see that will change that. That is a sustained effort on my FWW part to show me how much she values this M.

Right now for some reason she cannot see a corolation between the past and my perception the M is not very valuable to her. She cannot see a corolation to dishonesty and not trusting her. If she never sees the corolation then detachment and indifference it is.

I now have a "I can take this M or leave it" mentality. Maybe that is what she needs to see. I don't know. Maybe that is her rock bottom or maybe she will have an epiphiny.

I made myself quite clear that I am no longer putting anything into this M that I am not completely confident I can take out as well.

I will either get a return on my investment or I will stop investing.

Right now I have invested a lot into this with no return. Even the dumbest stock broker knows when to stop investing in a stock that continues to lose value.

I am now focusing my energy into the part of this company that I can get a return on my investment and that is my children.

If no matter what I do it doesn't matter because I have gotten upset with her, for good reason, then why do anything.

I am tired of hearing how bad she has had it since her A. How I have not been nice to her. I told her she has been less then nice she has actually been cruel and emotionally abusive. In the face of that I have been nice but you expect more.

Now I will wait. I will see what happens. I am not going to even put my toe in the water until I wait enough time to reasonably believe it may have gotten a little warmer.

The funny thing is even doing that I am a better husband then a lot of women have right now.

I warm up her car every morning. I let her have my car because hers wasn't running well. Told her she could have mine. The reason she doesn't have a new car. She spent the money on herself for other things. What a bad husband.

Guess what I took my car back because she didn't appreciate that. Now maybe next week she can have it back. Maybe she will appreciate my consideration.

Maybe she will start seeing the things I do and put it into perspective. Heck 3 nights a weeks she goes to meetings and I watch the boys by myself. I don't get that kind of time away. She needs it so I support her. Hmm what a bad deal she is getting.

I have cooked dinner 2 nights this week. Tri Tip and a wonderful pasta dish with grilled chicken, asparagus, onions, garlic in a chicken stock reduction. The other nights fast food.

Last night showing her how to email pictures to people.

Where can I sign up to get a person that would do that for me?

I just wanted to make sure that YOU are okay!

I am great. I wanna go home. Gonna leave early. LOL.

That is what is great about this.

I hope you have a great weekend!!! Have fun at the party

You too! I will do my best!