I hope she for once is being honest.

I told her I would never D her because that is what she wants. The easy way out. Let me do the dirty work like always. Come to find out all the reasons for her unhappiness that we have discussed and gone over were not the only reasons.

She hasn't shared them yet because I am sure she hasn't come up wit them yet.

But by the end of the day I should know if she has called a lawyer.

YEAH FOR ME.

I honestly hope she does.

Well, This is news!

I don't know what to say...but we will see!

You've talked about this for a long time!

So let me get this straight,

she put you through ****** for years about moving to NY, had an EA, completely disregarded your feelings, then turned around and said moving wasn't such a good idea....

now, moving was never the problem but she wants a D anyway?

Your story sounds EXACTLY how I think mine is going to end.

Sounds like you are prepared...

keep us posted H.

Rin,

She said she was done. She was tired of all of the fighting, she is tired of feeling this way. ETC.

She wants better then what she has worked for. I made it clear I will invest in this relationship for what it is. She admitted lying was wrong but refuses to see that might be why we have had problems.

Lang. NOOOO. She had a PA while on vacation to NY to see her family. With my Aunts tenant who she was staying with. Essentially blowing all of the BS about why she wanted to move back to NY out of the water. Her family who she ignored so she could be with a total stranger.

Let me get this straight. Move to NY for family to make her happy. She goes to NY to see her family. She doesn't see family to be with OM. Family more important then HL, OM more important then family. LOL.

And yes now there are more problems. Main problem is that she evidently doesn't like having conversations about things that bother me like I had to for her.

She says she DESERVES to be treated in a way that her treatment of me doesn't justify. LOL.

Then when I say that she says well I still deserve it. LMFAO.

I swear I hope she calls. I will not do it

So. Where are you with this? Do you want the D?

Whatever YOU decide, make sure it is the best thing for YOU.

Like I said I can't wait to see what happens. I'll be watching out for you all day today!

dito

HL-please check out my thread! I would appreciate it!

Oh me either. The biggest part is her avoiding consequences of her actions.

She said she has done things wrong but they are done and over with.

I feel like Charlie Brown and Lucy. Here kick the ball Charlie Brown, no Lucy you are going to pull it away. No I won't. Ok here I go. Well we all know what happens next.

I brought up the fact her lies have hurt us and helped her avoid consequences. It even kept her from doing the right thing.

She said like what.

I said I asked you to take an STD screening you said it was only once and he used a condom.

Now it is multiple times unprotected every time.

I said you could have killed me if he had AIDS. You didn't care. You didn't want to have to take an STD test so you lied.

The only reason I didn't insist on it after you started telling the truth is by that time the incubation period was long passed and if you had it I had it.

So I go take a test so I can make sure I don't have anything.

Oh that she says nothing I can do about it now. She gets off of work in 15 minutes.

She has a freaking meeting to go to tonight. I feel like being PA and just not calling and not coming home until it is too late for her to go.

I have been accused of being such a bad guy for so long I just feel like being a bad guy.

I really do.

Her only focus is on her feeling good. I don't feel good now. Forget about the ****** I have been through with this.

She deserves better. LOL.

I told her last night well you better treat people better because if you expect someone to be nice to you when you are mean to them you have another thing coming.

She went from NY being teh reason of her unhappiness, to something else..

do you have any ideas as to what she is referring to? Even if they are all bs, what are they?

Lang,

No idea. I told her that during the whole NY thing she made it a point to try to make my life miserable enough to move back.

I said what about the fact you did that and now after everything is said and done you realize it wasnt' the right thing to do.

That was when she proclaimed I was miserable for other reasons as well.

Her words miserable. Now here is the funny thing. I said so you were miserable. She said yes I was. I said so you are saying you were miserable. Yes I was.

I said well aint that a pisser. I called you that back then and you told me that is one of the meanest things I ever did. So now you say you were miserable and I called you that. It was mean but evidently I hit the nail on the head.

So now she doesn't want to talk about that time. She had her reasons for being miserable and can't remember them but they were there.

Look what she is doing is playing chicken and egg here. She had to be miserable to do the things she has done. I have to be the cause so we are even.

How freaking hard would it be for you to look in the mirror after punishing your spouse over this and then have that reason vanish. So now that they have she needs new ones.

I can press her forever on this and she will never figure em out.

It is crap justifications.

So there are none.

Let me think I was mad because you did this little thing here. Oh see I figured me paying for the plastic surgery I didn't want you to get might offset that a little.

You know why she can't remember probably. Because every single time I have screwed up in this M. I admitted my wrong doing and apologized and made amends.

Boy if she had the same philosophy.

Ain't that the cold truth of it all.

Did your wife by chance "listen" to herslef during arguments, and not listen to you?

I'm guessing you both took runs during an arguement, and when it was your turn to speak, she wasn't listening?? infact there was probably a little wheel spinning in her head trying to gather up the best possible comeback to whatever you were talking about?

and if you somehow corner her into a spot where she simply cannot get out of, ie: youve proven your point about something, she is wrong,,, does she admit it or change the subject... sound familiar?

my wife will always do whatever it takes to get what she wants, and in the meantime NEVER be wrong. She has even said things that were so far out that she made herself laugh. then she gathers her composure and starts with the comebacks... again

WHATEVER was her choice for a while.

Actually the funniest thing happened this morning. She keeps telling me when we talk I am all over the place.

I was trying to ask her to think back to the 6 months after D Day and how I acted. I was very loving, kind, generous etc. That was until she told me she didn't just sleep with him once it was 3 times. (BTW it was more she admitted that 2 years later). That is when I demanded the truth about the whole thing. We know how that went.

Any way she took us off that topic 6 times and then blamed me for answering the off topic questions. LOL.

Throwing crap against the wall to see if it sticks.

So I pointed it out to her. I said I have been trying to ask you the same question now and you keep going off topic. If I ignore those questions you think you are right if I answer them I am all over the place.

She said "Oh so it is all my fault". I said just pointing out you get upset that I do it and you are doing it too.

LOL.


Are you kidding me. My FWW will actually take both sides of the same argument depending on which side she is on. She will puff out her chest and tell me I am wrong then I admit my wrongdoing. Then She will do the same exact thing and puff out her chest and tell me she did nothing wrong.

Remember what I said a few weeks ago?

[color:"blue"]
If she does, you ready? Get specific, know ALL of your options. Have a plan, if she threatens D, pull out papers showing how you'd like to divide the bills... that will freak her OUT. Have a good, thought out response for every contingency. You = calm. She = stunned.[/color]

Are you ready? You said you have enough evidence to get full custody of the children, well... do you really? Is it OUT of the house? How about any other documentation? Safe and secure?

And I am sorry. I know this isnt what either of you wanted - Dru

Dru,

Yes. In my state Domestic or Spousal Abuse is enough for that. They are all public record.

She also has a incident with a neighbor on Police record.

I can subpeona, My aunt, uncle, cousins, her entire family and OM to discuss her actions in NY IN FRONT OF MY CHILDREN.

Including the fistfight she had with my Aunt when My aunt refused to watch my Children so my FWW could go out with her tenant/OM.

On top of that she is a recovering alcoholic. Years of addiction unfortunately have hurt her cause.

She is sober now and I admire her for that but she wasn't the best mom of course.

I also have phone records of when she called a Lawyer in NY with the express interest in finding out how to get the kids out of CA.

They are all safe and secure. There is more of course like the time I came home and my OS was standing over a passed out FWW with a cheese sandwich because she was throwing up.

My mistake I went and left the kids with her when I went on my once a year golf tourney. I was gone ten hours and that is what I came home too. LOL

Exactly what I meant.

I think your wife and my wife have the same definition of what wrong is, and she cannot be wrong.

They both have the same definition of "being right".
and that is:
IF it helps you with your argument in anyway, it is right.
IF it helps you get what you want, or avoid something you dont want, you are right.
IF your husband said it, it is not right.(unless you agree and you said it first)
IF your husband does something that is wrong, that doesn't necassarily mean you can't do it, because you are never wrong.
IF for some reason, somehow, you accidently say something that you know is wrong, don't worry, it was probably his fault, he probably made you say it. and he is wrong for doing that.

LOL humor helps, i guess...

HL

I can assure you that this woman will never be happy. She will always have reason as to why she is not happy. It will always be somone or something else's fault. Some people have a hard time admitting that THEY are the problem, not everyone or everything around them.

Sometimes, as hard as it is, you just have to admit (I am admitting it now!) that you married DOWN and the person you thought you married, lived with, created children with, made memories with was never REALLY that person after all and they really worked hard for years trying to be but in the end true colors come to the top.

FWW just called.

She was thinking about what I said about the kids. Not specific.

Says she wants to try for them. I think she may have talked to a lawyer and found out she would be screwed as far as custody goes.

If she called from the cell I will know if not I will never know.

HMMMMMM.

Maybe I should tell her just a precaution I should go talk to one to see where I would stand on custody.

Maybe have to go back on my word about not moving forward.

SHE IS TRYING TO GET TO THE 10 YEAR MARK OF MARRIAGE.

That way she is entitled to more. LOL.

Look, Hurting, if you've got a 10yo kid, she already hit the 10-year mark. If I were you I'd speak with an attorney just to confirm your rights. You dont have to tell her and I'd NOT threaten her with it.

AND, if she really, really wants the marriage to suceeed, you are in a better place than you were last night. She might be humbled enough to be honest and open. If not, you'll know very quickly. Do you guys know a good MC? Might be time....

No one wants to break up the home. Please take it slow and take care - Dru

Take responsibility for your part of the failure in the M but then set boundaries, tight ones, and hold to them. Make no apologies about not being trusting. She hasn't earned your trust. Expect her to WORK on the M and not just lounge around for the kids or waiting on the 10 year mark as you said (again that would be the selfish WW coming out). You should be in control of the direction this matter takes, not her.

Lastly, absoluteley document everything regarding the children in a secret diary (diapers changes, baths given, doctor visits, play time, activites attended, time with the children, behavior, interaction, EVERTYTHING) so that if things don't work out (I hope they do but am concerned about her attitude of entitlement and such) you'll be ready to take care of you and the children if "she falls off the wagon".