I don't know if I should be here but I know I have run out of friends and family to talk to. I am 23 years old and i was married at 21 to my husband who is 28. I used to be really happy when we first got together for the longest time. I stuck by him through everything. I am even way in debt for him at this age, i cant go to college like i want. I hope nobody thinks I am selfish. So back in March I just started to be really unhappy with him. I dont wanna hang out with him, kiss him, or anything. Also he doesn't want to do anything with me. He hates to have fun. We are not friends at all and I can feel it. So this went on since March. I am generally not happy. About 3 weeks ago, i told him I think we should seperate and find ourselves bc we never had room to grow together. I forgot to mention we married a year after we met. When I told him this, he tried to kill himself. He was then admitted to a pysch ward. Now mind you I am 23 and i have been through this. I went and seen him everyday and cried for him and felt so bad. Then he came out and I tried to make it work but quickly became unhappy again. I dont know why...he is not mean, I just fel out of love. I have been staying at my moms for 3 days. I have been less stressed, more upbeat. But then he comes around and cries and says he doesnt wanna live and ir brings me down again. I think I am ready to move on..how do i know if this is right? How do i know if i miss him or just feel guilty? Feeling so trapt. Im sorry if i shouldnt post here and bother anyone.

You wouldn't be posting on MB if you "were" ready to move on.

What seems to be happening is that your choice to stay is out of guilt. Your H needs help. Unfortunately, he uses suicidal threats to make you stay, and it has worked for him, but at a high price. It sounds as if he has abandonement issues and this is what he is afraid of. YOU cannot help him with this. Was he abandoned by his parents?

Imagine if you were a parent of a young child who clings on to you so tightly for dear life just so you wouldn't leave, what do you do? Eventually, the child grows out of it. But your H is not a child. And you are not his parent. But what you can do is even if you have emotionally chosen to leave the M, you could lead him to get some help. And tell him honestly how your feel...as exactly as what you have written.

Good luck.

He has read what I have wrote. Of course he is hurt and all he does is tell me that I am the world to him, and this and that. Why arent i upset? i am more aggravated with him than sad. No he is an only child and his parents are very much around. I went and looked at an apartment and am considering it, but i dont know if i am making a mistake. I dont feel like I am in love with him anymore. I dont feel any effort to make it work and that bothers me b/c i am feeling like i am giving up. We are not friends at all. Plus I never had a chance to grow, went from school to being married, to being in debt, and now unhappy. I just want to do my own thing. Finish school, ang out with my friends...but i feel selfish.......

Well, you just answered your dilemma. You GREW up, BUT your H hasn't. Your world expanded, your husband's world is confined to you. You're starting to spread your wings, he hasn't begun to spread his. You two are growing at a different rate. It's neither your fault. It's a matter of life choices and taking responsibility. And that's exactly what you are doing.

Don't feel guilty. Most importantly, don't live your life for others otherwise, it will turn into resentment which is what your are experiencing. Live life for yourself so you won't look back with regrets.

Your H needs to define himself. That will take some time. If he has the support of his parents/family, they will be there for him no matter what. This is not your burden to carry. They will understand your position.

Go...spread your wings. There is so much more to learn out there. You seem you have a great head on your shoulders.

Good luck