Post deleted by juniperstreet

I'm not sure I understand your post, but I was embarassed by my WH's EA--and his chosen partner in crime is not exactly someone you'd want to introduce to your mother.

My guess is that's probably true most of the time.

I felt humiliated, and still do by the whole event. I only exposed to close people who could lend some support to me.

I was embarassed becuase at first I thought it was my fault. Now I understand that I played a big part in the failure of the marriage--but I am innocent and not guilty in the EA & the behavior of the partners. I'm LESS embarassed now that I have exposed to close friends.

Pretty much ALL WS's affair down.

Sorry you had to find us, but it is good that you did. I was just like you. My first emotion was intense embarrassment.

My husband hooked up with the wife of a soldier fighting in Iraq. Somehow it made me feel ashamed.

How long have you been married, and do you have any children?

Okay, I read your other post. You have children and exposure will ruin his career.

How long have you been married?

There are lots of good ex-military people here. I hope some will chime in. You might want to go back to first post and put military in the title.

Post deleted by juniperstreet

I hope you will continue to read here. This site will really give you hope for a better life.

It sounds like your husband may be a sex addict, which really has nothing to do with sex, but more to do with coping with childhood issues. If he is, he will need to get counseling.

Please don't let him know what you know, because he will just get sneakier. Take some time to become familiar with the MB plan, and to get stronger.

Lot's of marriages here are saved, even when it seems very hopeless. I hope you will stick with us.

juniper - I strongly suggest you read the thread currently running on page one started by willsurvive.

Yes, I believe many BSs have feelings of embarrassment at some point - although I didn't.

But, would you be more or less embarrassed by getting divorced over an affair? - or divorced for undisclosed reasons?

These are your options to exposure. So it's a pay me now or pay me later deal.

This is ugly, ugly, ugly business.

You have at your disposal tools most BSs don't have and wish they did - rules with consequences built into the UCMJ.

Yes, it's tough. Use your tools or lose your marriage and family.

WAT

Is he active duty? I am aware of the AKO web site, am registered and use it for work. You are right though it is full of chat rooms with a ton of stuff going on that is not duty related.

If he is active duty, gather your evidence and go see the CO, show no mercy, "no quarter asked for no quarter given." Either he gets his act together or he gets shown the gate, PERIOD.

All of these As have detracted from the mission at hand, fighting the war on terror. We have troops in the field trying to cope with fighting terrorism, getting shot at and blown up every day, then add to their already stressful lives the nightmare of an A, and you have a recipe for disaster, the unecessary death and destruction of our troops. So, IMHO, you need to jerk him up by the short hairs and let him see exactly what he is about to throw away.

Let the CO and the UCMJ do their jobs. The military has the rules about adultry in there for a reason, and it is not to be mean. The military requires discipline, personal and punitive. Personal is handled by the individual, Punitive is handled by the COs, NCOs, and the legal system.

Post deleted by juniperstreet

His CO will handle it with your desires and concerns in mind. It will not end his career. Being a reservist doesn't relieve your H from his responsibilities. He will probably get an NC order, maybe web access restricted, but his integrity and creditability will be damaged, not quite destroyed, but your H is certainly working on it.

As long as your H maintains NC and doesn't abuse the network he should be OK, he may get an article 15 and 6 months on control roster (control roster is where they keep his file open and watch him for a specific period of time, if he screws up he burns for it.), neither of these is career ending unless he disobeys a direct order. That's a different thing and he will lose rank over that. The key here is if he gets an NC order, disobeys it and you know you are morally obligated to report it. At that time he will be at the COs mercy.

Just want to weigh in with some more information. Eagle said that an article 15 is not career ending. This may be true for an enlisted soldier/airman, although I believe an article 15 would end a career for an NCO also. I know that for a field grade officer (major) an article 15 would have to be a field grade article 15 and any article 15 is career ending for an officer.

Not saying you shouldn't notify the CO, but be aware of what the consequences could be so you can make an informed decision about it.

Best of luck.

xring

Honey...I debated and debated on whether or not to post this....

But in the grand scheme of embarassments, there are FAR MORE EMBARASSING consequences if you don't expose.

Take a look at my signature line....

That's right...2 other children.

Try explaining THAT to people.

Am I embarassed about it anymore? No.

They are children.

But I can see other's discomfiture when they ask about our kids, how long we've been married, and then put 2 & 2 together regarding the little's ages.

I am an open book....but that's me...

- Kimmy