I am honored by your sig line...

Thank you.

I wouldn't be where I am today if not for you and my fellow MBers...

This place is truly a blessing.

Thank you again! (blush)

Katie Mae

is it embarrasing enough, or should I jazz it up ???

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Pep

I have to admit, it did make me blush.

But it also inspired me to write a happy little tune on my uke.

Life is good! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

KM

KatieMae...

I'll bet it put a Pep in your step! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> You deserve it, I admire you and how you've handled yourself! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

((((hugging Katie Mae)))))

You earned it sugar.

I will add an "Amen!"

It is from reading and re-reading...that I would hear your voice and others pulling me through..guiding me...helping me find my way back to my wonderful H!...it is through your trials that I knew there could be light at the end of the tunnel...

I too am blessed with an incredibly loving, and wonderful man! Should have seen that before (DAH!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

why re-invent the wheel?

If you recognize a trailblazer who has made it through the ~same~ jungle where you are currently lost ~~~> ASK HER "How did you get where you are today?"

Find another poster who has what you want and ask him/her questions!

and ... 2Crazy .... you are doing darn good yourownsassyself!

Pep

I am proud to know you, KatieMae. You are a caring, strong individual who cared enough about the OMW to do what was right for her even though it was hard. You are good people. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Katie Mae...yes you did well. This OM kept stalking you after a 3 year affair! You even talked to this OM in July too! This is so different from my situation where I am not being stalked by the OM and he has not been a threat to me or my marriage.

From your post on 7/5/06:

Has the OM left you alone now?

Katie Mae...would you expose to the OM'sW if the OM were not stalking you? Would you expose to the OM'sW if the OM did not stalk you and your H did not want you to contact the OM'sW? Would you to do this when your marriage is long recovered and it is several years since the affair and your H doesn't want you to do this? Do you think that would be the right thing to do?

IN SHORT....how can you all compare a situation such as Katie Mae's where she was being STALKED and to where this OM kept showing up in HER TOWN... to my situation? You better believe if I were being stalked or if the OM continued to be a threat to me or my marriage, my H and I would TAKE ACTION!

2B,

How would my answer help your situation?

I'm sincere with my question...

KM

Katie Mae...
All I'm saying is that I truly think you did the right thing for YOUR SITUATION. I just don't think there is any comparison to what was going on in your situation with the OM stalking you...to my situation. You had a 3 year affair and this OM kept stalking you. I had a 3 "day" PA followed by an online EA with this OM that has been LONG OVER for 2 YEARS. I'm just tired of the comparison. There is NO COMPARISON. I would have done what you did in your situation. In fact, I KNOW my HUSBAND would have taken ACTION! I wouldn't have had to have taken action, because my husband would have done it. Think about it?

2B,

To be honest, OM stalking me had zero impact on H. He said it was "my problem" and didn't want to know about it. Kind of a "you made your bed" attitude. He just asked that I never talk to him again. It doesn't sound right, but it's how H chose to deal with the situation.

2B, I hope you don't think I am comparing my situation to yours. When I posted on your thread, I did so with the knowledge that you had planned on informing OMW. I wanted to help you process why you may have had a sudden change of heart.

It's hard to know how to answer your question because I don't know how or what I would have done if OM wasn't stalking me. That was his behavior, and that's all I knew. You really can't predict if your H would have taken action if your OM was stalking you, because maybe he would have acted like my H. It's hard to know these things, and truth be told, thinking about them just keeps you (or me) in a fantasy and incapable of making real-life decisions.

I'm sorry if you feel you are being unfairly compared to/treated here. Please remember that you told this board that you were informing OMW and now you are recinding on that decision. This is what is making fellow posters so upset.

I informed OMW, first and formost, to protect my M. As you quoted from my post, I was still quite emotional when I spoke to OM. This was after months and months of NC, and graduating MC with my H. I was very happy with H, and was shocked at my reaction in speaking to OM. I had to tell his W to protect my M.

Remember KiwiJ, after years of NC with her OM? What happened to her? I didn't want that to happen to me...EVER.

Remember Suzet? What happened to her recently?

Didn't your OM contact you as well?

Extrodinary precautions... telling OMW, for me, was one of them. Informing her and apologizing was in some ways a bonus... I can't tell you how much it has helped me in my own personal recovery.

I wish you well, 2B, I truly do...

KM

Katie Mae, of course you wouldn't know what you would have done if the situation were different in your case.

I do know,however, that my husband would have taken action if the OM were stalking me, because he has taken action everytime the OM tried to contact me to protect our marriage. I do know if the OM were stalking me, he would take ACTION. He called the OM in May when the OM sent me an offline message. My H took ACTION. He has taken ACTION over and over again....I know you don't know my full story to know this. You don't know how many times my H has spoken to OM1 and OM2.

I had an affair with a married man prior to marriage. This man called our house after we were married 15 years! My husband took ACTION and went to see this man FACE TO FACE. I do know my H and know how he would act. The actions he has taken in the past, were HIS ACTIONS to protect our marriage.

And my H has said if OM1 should EVER contact me again, he may just hop on a plane to take ACTION and see him face to face.

How can we compare? They are both affairs, that is how. It matters not if she was being "stalked," that has nothing to do with exposure. What matters is she is a GOOD PERSON who had the character to warn her victim of what she and the OM did. Please don't try and diminish that for her.

Why didn't you both think to inform the OMWs in each case?

It's been proven time and time again on this board that coming "face to face" with OM doesn't do diddley.

Why does your H think confronting OM helps your M but talking to OMW does not?

Is it because there are different feelings and emotions involved?

OM is easily a villian while OMW is a victim, not unlike him?

Do you think that brings him too close to his own pain? That it's more difficult to face his own fears, hurt and "failure" than it is to get in the face of the dirtbag OM?

YES, ML they are BOTH affairs. And YES, it does matter that Katie Mae was stalked. She needed to end this stalking. You can't compare someone coming to your town and stalking you to a situation where the OM lives 1100 miles away and is no threat. There is a difference in WHY Katie Mae did this at this particular time. Of course she did the right thing. I am not diminishing her for that. What I am saying is you are comparing 2 different situations that aren't related.

2BNormal, please stop doing this to yourself. Of course they are related, they are both affairs and that is what counts. Every affair has practical differences, it doesn't mean the victims don't have a right to know. You are fooling no one with your endless rationalizations.

If you aren't going to expose to your victim, then don't. But don't try to come here and take away the thunder of WS's who had the courage to do the right thing. That is not fair to them. And it is very transparent.

Katie Mae...the OM prior to marriage is divorced. That is not an issue.

The OM2's W in my situation (which was an online EA) does know of the ONLINE AFFAIR. I wrote her an email when she found out and asked for her forgiveness.

Why didn't we tell OM1'sW when the affair ended? That is complicated. My husband didn't know of my continued contact with OM1 until I confessed my online affair of OM2. The online affair of OM1 had been long over by then, but I confessed both to my H at the same time. The issue we were dealing with at the time of my confession was OM2. And OM2's W knew about it. We didn't give a thought to OM1 and his wife not knowing at the time. Now years have passed. I only really thought about it when Suzet brought up about exposure to the OM'sW several months ago.

In speaking to my H over the past few weeks, he would NOT want to be informed of my affairs from either OM if he didn't know. My H had received an email from OM2 asking for forgiveness several months after D-Day. My H did not "receive" that email very well. That email did not matter one bit with respect to our marriage and our recovery. In fact, he felt the OM2 was not truly sorry and didn't believe anything he said.

ML...KATIE MAE DID THE RIGHT THING! Did I say she didn't? All I'm saying is there is a difference as to why Katie Mae chose to do what she did at that particular time. IF I had been in the very same situation, my H and I would have taken action. That is the DIFFERENCE. Please don't MINIMIZE what I am trying to convey here. I would have done the same in her SITUATION where she was being CONTINUALLY STALKED.

I have my doubts about that, given your lack of action in your own case, but even so, that "difference" would never mean that failure to expose to one's victim is appropriate. I find it puzzling that you would come on this thread praising KM and make it about you, rather than simply saying "KUDO's KATIE MAE!"